Episode 15: Reinforcements

Sisava is heading towards the portal to the Fey Wild, but the Agents have rounded him off. Can they stop his nefarious plans and save Silverymoon?

Transcript

Reinforcements 

[Jordan]:  “Hello everyone and welcome back to Agents of DAMNED. I am your sometimes benevolent, often malevolent dungeon master Jordan Roman. And as always, I’m joined by my fellow players.” 

[Caitie]:  “Hi guys, I’m Caitie and I play Saithe.” 

[Christina]:  “Hey everyone, I’m Christina and I play Winterra.” 

[Drew]:  “And I’m Drew McClain and by Bahamut’s unfathomable undergarments. I play the good doctor, Arlo Agon.” 

[Jordan]:  “Hm, stretching out to clothes now.  I hate it.” 

[Drew]:  “Deal with it.” 

[Jordan]:  Sighs “So we are actually getting real real close to the end of this little political escapade here. You guys have managed to corner the mastermind behind everything and all you need to do is arrest him and everything will be done.” 

[Christina]:  “Hm…”

[Drew]:  “Let’s punch him in the dick!!” 

[Jordan]:  “Or will it? How about a recap so we can figure out how we got to this crazy point in the adventure? 

Last time the Agents faced off against Hyrsam in a fierce and confusing game of tag. Eventually, the gang started to figure out that they needed to trick Hyrsam into catching them as he was technically it. Arlo played towards his childish nature and secured the Agents a win.  After being sent to the summer court, they had a surprise run in with Autillow- Winterra’s grandmother. With the help of her influence, they managed to secure an audience with Titania. They made a deal for a potion to cure 7 of his brood poisoning.  But in return, they swore to ally themselves with the Feywild. Winterra took the oath, and they were teleported back to the material plane.  After arriving there, the Agents and Second Chance were met with the young half elf that works for Niavara. He claimed to have brought 7 since Niavara was busy. Arlo administered the potion, curing 7 instantly.  Holly then appeared and informed them that 2 days had passed.  And that the final debate between the candidates was to happen that day. 

Hopping on the backs of the Giant Eagles, Winterra had summoned in the Feywild, they departed for Silverymoon. However, on the way they spotted a hooded yuan-ti heading towards the portal to the Feywild.  The Agents veered off course leaving Granaphor to Second Chance to handle the rogue ‘snerson.’ Upon landing, the hooded figure was revealed to be…Sisava.   And thus we resume our tale! And everyone, it is time once again to roll initiative.” 

[Drew]:  “Huzzah…”  Rolls  “Damn it.” 

[[Jordan laughs]]

[Christina]:  “Come on dice, do better this time.” 

[Caitie]:  “Nat 20 baby!”

[Christina]:  “You said you got a nat20?” 

[Caiite]:  “Nat20 and then it’s plus 6 so 26.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright let’s put you at the top of the order.”

[Drew]:  “Natural 1.” 

[Jordan]:  “Put you at the bottom of the order.”

[Christina]:  “I got an 11.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, so you guys find yourselves in this wooded area. There are trees and various bushes and plant life around you guys, a bunch of large rocks are scattered throughout, but right now, it is just you three, an eagle and Sisava.  Saithe, you’re up.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright, so Saithe is gonna drop down, crossbow in hand, she’s gonna aim it at a man she’s gonna say-” 

[Saithe]:  “Sisava, we have been appointed by the DAMNED agency to bring you into custody. Give in now. Or there will be difficulty between us.” 

[Sisava]:  “Oh no, anything but difficulty. I’m guessing this is your first arrest, otherwise you wouldn’t have been quite so wordy.” 

[Saithe]:  “No, it’s not my first arrest.” 

[Sisava]:  “Then you’re just bad at it.” 

[Saithe]:  “So I take it we’re going to do this the hard way then.” 

[Caitie]:  “I’ll take a bonus action and cast Hunter’s mark in case he gets away. And I’m gonna aim for leg-” 

[Jordan]:  “He does not have legs, he has a snake person tail.” 

[Caitie]:  “And aim for the tail.” 

[Jordan]:  “There we go!  Go ahead, roll to hit.” 

[Drew]:  “She aimed for a leg, auto misses because no is leg.”

[Jordan]: “Guys I tried to hit his legs, he doesn’t have legs!!” 

[Caitie]:  “So I rolled a 14?” 

[Jordan]:  “That…Just hits.”

[Caitie]  “Nice.  8 total” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool. You hit him right in the tail. It is now Sisava’s turn. Having Saithe be the one who decided to do that, he is going to slither on up to you and he is going to try and hit you with a constrict attack. Gonna take a stab in the dark and assume 11 does not hit.” 

[Caitie]:  “No, it does not.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool, he’s gonna try and bite you then.  Going to assume a 7 doesn’t hit.” 

[Caitie]:  “No, it does not.” 

[Jordan]:  “Sisava’s big day!! So he tries to worm his way around you, but the bolt in his tail kind of like causes him to veer off a little bit and you just dodge out of the way. And then he tries to lunge back at you with his fangs and once again you just nimbly dodge out of the way.” 

[Saithe]:  “What was that you were saying about me being bad at this?” 

[Sisava]:  “Just give me a minute when I get my tail around you. You won’t be making so many snide remarks.” 

[Arlo]:  From far away  “That sounds sexual.” 

[Sisava]:  “Why would it?”

[Jordan]:  “Terra, you’re up.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, I am going to try and cast hold person on him. So I need him to make a wisdom saving throw.” 

[Jordan]:  “Wow, Sisava my dude. You are fucking this up hardcore.” 

[[Drew chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “He is bad at- you said a wisdom save?”

[Christina]:  “Yeah.” 

[Jordan]:  “Well, I don’t know if you’ll be able to beat this…11?” 

[Christina]:  “No, he doesn’t save so he’s paralyzed while I am…doing this.”

[Jordan]:  “Cool. Is that all you can do for right now?” 

[Christina]:  “Yes, and I’m gonna say, ’cause I don’t want this to end badly- I’m going to say before I do that I like have us land on the ground.” 

[Jordan]:  “I assumed you guys are already on the ground, but okay.” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, just ’cause this is another concentration spell.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, that’s fine. Oh! So the eagle is gone?”

[Christina]:  “Yeah, so the eagle’s gone.”

[Jordan]:  “Hm.  Sure hope Second Chance managed to make it back to town first.” 

[Christina]:  Regrettably  “Oh…”

[Jordan]: “Oh well!   Alright, Arlo, you’re up.”

[Drew]:  “Just inadvertently killed Second Chance, oh God.” 

[Christina]: “Uhhhhhh.”

[Drew]:  “Oh, fuck.”   

[Caitie]:  “I can’t believe you’ve done this.” 

[Christina]:  “But he’s paralyzed.” 

[Jordan]:  “ Yep. Nope, he’s paralyzed.” 

[Drew]:  “Well, he’s paralyzed- can’t we just like, cuff him now?” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, to- wait, yeah, so he’s paralyzed so can I like try to cuff him?” 

[Jordan]:  “I mean…yeah.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.”

[Jordan]:  “He can’t really do a whole lot.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah we can just like cuff him and like knock him out.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oooh, put the char-  the calming charm on him.” 

[Drew]:  “Ah yeah, let’s do that. Cuff him, knock him out, put the forced calm charm on him.”

[Jordan]: “Okay.”

[Drew]:  “Also. Also we steal his wallet.” 

[Christina]: “Oh my God. No!” 

[Drew]:  “No, I’m joking.” 

[Jordan]:  “Take his wallet and see a photo of his children and wife.” 

[Caitie]:  “Aww.” 

[Jordan]:  “They look very comfortable and family-like.” 

[Drew]:  “Arlo makes a solemn vow, that he will find, and bang, Sisava’s wife.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh my God, Arlo.”

[Jordan]:  “Hm, gross.”

[Drew]: “Nah, I was joking!”

[Christina]:  “So anyway, anyway. I want- since the Hold Person worked and he’s paralyzed then I guess. We should cuff him. I don’t know if I have cuffs, but someone else probably does.”

[Caitie]:  “I do.” 

[Jordan]:  “We have already determined in a past final boss encounter. That Saithe definitely has handcuffs because you guys suck and I hate you.” 

[Christina]:  “Anyway, since, since it was Arlo’s go,  Arlo can do the object interaction if you want.” 

[Jordan]:  “I mean, if you guys are just planning on like cuffing him fully then I’m just going to go ahead and say encounters over.” 

[Caitie]:  “That was easy.” 

[Jordan]:  “So you guys have him cuffed up and restrained. What exactly, like what do you guys want to do with him now?” 

[Drew]:  “Do we have anything that we could carry him in?” 

[Christina]:  Laughing at the question  “Do we have anything we can carry him in?!” 

[Drew]:  “I mean, we can’t just like leave him here, he’ll like fucking slither away or something.”   

[Christina]:  “I mean no obviously we’re taking him with us, but we should probably like get so we, we need to, like get him back to however, arrest- wherever we take prisoners I guess.” 

[Drew]:  “Okay, so how long is Sisava like snake tail wise?”

[Jordan]:  “Uh…”

[Drew]:  “He is a snake that’s a valid question.” 

[Jordan]:  “What’s the girth on Sisava?”

[Caitie]:  “I mean, it’s definitely a fair question.” 

[Jordan]:  “No no, it is, it is uh. I would say he is probably head to tip about 10 feet.” 

[Drew]:  Chuckling  “Head to tip.” 

[Jordan]:  “And then if you want to talk about how long he is to the end of his tail-”

[[Drew chuckles more]] 

[Jordan]:  “No no, no not doing that. Yeah, so he is… He is about a 10 foot long Snerson.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright so you probably can’t like throw him over our shoulder like a- like a knapsack.” 

[Caitie]:  “No, you and I will probably have to drag him.” 

[Jordan]:  “If only one of you could turn into a large animal that may be able to accommodate that, oh well.”

[[Christina giggles]] 

[Jordan]:  “Too bad that’s not a feature in this fucking game.” 

[Drew]:  “Why don’t we just grab him by the tip of his tail and just kind of like drag him along with us like just like on the ground?” 

[Christina]:  “God you guys do you want me to turn into like another War Horse? What do you want me to I can do I can do a warhorse or we could do a black bear or I could…” 

[Drew]:  “I like the one where we drag him across the ground, ’cause, fuck this guy.” 

[Christina]:  “Let me see if-” 

[Jordan]:  “I will say if you do that one. I’m going to require a strength check to see how long it takes you to get back to town doing that. 

[Christina]:  “I would- OK so, so no let’s just like put him on my back and I can do the Warhorse thing since my Warhorse has a speed of 60 feet so we can get back to the town pretty quickly.” 

[Drew]: “Yeah, it’s important that we get back to the town.”

[Jordan]:  “Little bit.”

[Christina]:  “Okay, so, alright so concentration can still be held ’cause I cast a spell before I do this, I think right?  That’s how it works?”

[Jordan]:  “Yes, that is how that works.”

[Christina]: “Okay, cool.  So I will become my Warhorse Ness. My terrible neighing Warhorse.” 

[Drew]:  “Do iiiit.”

[Jordan]:  “Your sickly dying Warhorse.”

[[Christina badly imitates a horse trill and neigh]] 

[Jordan]:  “Never gets old never gets old.” 

[Drew]:  “You’d think over time she would get better at making the horse noise but nope.” 

[Jordan]:  “I think she’s getting worse. How long does Hold Person last?” 

[Drew]: “4 maybe 5.” 

[Christina]:  “…What?” 

[Drew]:  “Sometimes, 6.” 

[Jordan]:  “Ignore him.”

[Christina]:  “Well okay. So Hold Person for the paralyzation says it lasts up to a minute and during I guess during encounter at the end of each of his turns he can make another wisdom saving throw.” 

[Jordan]:  “Uh huh… Okay, so as you guys load him up onto Terra’s now horseback so as you guys are walking along, Sisava does eventually regain consciousness. And he kind of looks around, gathers up a situation and then starts laughing.” 

[Sisava]:  “Well, I guess I was wrong, you’re not half bad at this at all. Too bad you’re all still so stupid as to fall for such an easy trick.” 

[Arlo]:  “Like I trick are you talking about.” 

[Sisava]:  “That was you who was in the temple that night correct?” 

[Arlo]:  Lying  “No.” 

[Sisava]:  “Please, don’t play coy with me.” 

[Arlo]:  “I’m not a koi, I’m a Dragonborn.” 

[Sisava]: “I’m not even sure how to respond to that one honestly but I know it was you.  And if it really was,  then you should realize, I am not the one you should want to get. After all.  There’s no one you can trust quite like family.” 

[Arlo]:  “Oh, your sister cantaloupe.” 

[Jordan]:  “As he says that, Arlo your speaking stone begins to go off. And you hear-” 

[Rhelynn]:  “Arlo!  Arlo – can you hear me? It’s Rhelynn, what the hell happened? Where are you guys?” 

[Drew]:  “Arlo picks up his speaking stone-”

[Arlo]:  “Rhelynn- what’s going on?”

[Rhelynn]:  “How did you guys let Sisava escape?” 

[Arlo]:  “Oh, we didn’t. We have him right here.” 

[Relynn]:  “Wh- what are you talking about, he’s up there, with Granaphor!”

[Arlo]: “No, that’s, that’s Cantaloupe, his sister.” 

[Rhelynn]:  “What?” 

[Arlo]:  “His sister Cantaloupe.” 

[Rhelynn]:  “Why is her name Cantaloupe?” 

[Arlo]:  “I-unno.”

[Rhelynn]:  “Yeah, you know what, nevermind.  You guys need to get back here ri- oh shit!!”   

[Jordan]:  “And it immediately cuts off.” 

[Saithe]:  “Well, that’s not good.”

[Winterra]:  “Nope.”

[Jordan]:  “I assume you guys pick up the fucking pace?” 

[Christina]:  “I mean, yeah, I was. If I was in a dash before I’m in a full on War Horse like gallop forward now.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright so you guys make it to town at breakneck speeds. It normally would take from where you guys started your journey about an hour to get back to town. However, you covered a decent amount of path on eagle and then managed to do the rest of it way faster than you did while heading there. So you’re able to make it back within the span of a few minutes overall.  And when you get back you see people running for the hills. Just trying to get the hell out of town as fast as possible.  You guys head in the opposite direction of that- I assume?”

[Caitie]:  “Yep.” 

[Jordan]:  “And what you see when you arrive at the source of the chaos is a sight to behold. Unlike anything you have ever seen.” 

[Caitie]:  “Did you just do a beholder pun?”

[Jordan]:  “Not intentionally.”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Drew]:  “I don’t believe you.” 

[Jordan]:  “You should know me better than that.” 

[Caitie]:  “Proceed.”

[Jordan]:  “You see Granaphor, his main eye rolled back in his head as he is going berserk firing lasers in every which direction. Forngal and 7 are both trying to pin him down as best as they can. Rhelynn is nowhere to be seen right now.”

[Christina]:  “Uh-oh.”

[Jordan]: “You also see a few people on the sidelines who are just out- down for the count.  Those people specifically being Niavara and Seebo. After a little bit of them trying to restrain Granaphor you see the ground underneath him begins to come undone. And Rhelynn burst forth from the ground with that giant shovel that you guys saw her holding before. And she immediately slams the calm person charm that was on 7, down onto Granaphor in an attempt to calm him down. And as this happens, a bright light comes from it, and Granaphor begins to go-”

[Granaphor]:  “Gaaaah, grah!  Uck, arrrg, ah. Whaaaaderd I do?” 

[Jordan]:  “And he just falls to the ground and collapses completely unconscious. So what do you guys do after having seen all this?” 

[Christina]:  “Jesus… so everything is kind of like still chaotic, but he’s no longer like going bezerk?”

[Jordan]:  “No, he has- he has gone back to his normal self like he’s unconscious. But he’s also been calmed but it took a lot out of him.”

[Caitie]:  “Do we see cantaloupe anywhere?”

[Jordan]:  “Nope.” 

[Caitie]:  “Can I do a- um, does she have legs or does she have a tail?” 

[Jordan]:  “She is Sisava’s twin sister.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay, so she has a tail.”

[Jordan]:  “She has a tail.” 

[Caitie]:  “Can I do a perception check to see if I can see tracks from her slithering away?”

[Jordan]:  “Yes, you can.”

[Caitie]:  “15?”

[Jordan]:  “Normally tracking ginormous 10 foot snake monsters tracks would not be too terribly difficult. However, Granaphor caused a good bit of destruction through his rampage. So unfortunately any trail that would have been there is just nonexistent.”

[Caitie]:  “It’s too bad twins wouldn’t share the Hunter’s Mark.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, damn shame about that one.”

[Arlo]:  “Well, we could ask our snerson friend here where his sister went.” 

[Saithe]:  “That’s not gonna work.”

[Sisava]:  “So you’re not half as stupid as you look.”

[Arlo]:  “So.  Sisava right?” 

[Sisava]:  “Yes.” 

[Arlo]:  “Where is your sister?” 

[Sisava]:  “Don’t know.  I’m on a horse.” 

[Christina]:  “Terra kind of kicks up her rear end a little bit, like almost as if she’s about to throw him.” 

[Jordan]:  “He buckles a little bit.”

[Drew]:  “Pause from the role play.  Solid, solid ass old spice pun reference.”

[Jordan]:  “You’re welcome.” 

[Saithe]:  “I’m gonna go check on Niavara.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, you go over to where she is just out like a light she’s not dead, but she like- from what you can tell she tried to help restrain Granaphor but apparently either did not know about or forgot beholders have an antimagic beam and therefore, she was worthless.”

[Saithe]:  “Do either of you have any help- healing spells prepared?”

[Arlo]:  “Oh yeah.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, I’m just gonna Mass Healing Word everybody.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright.  So as you do that everyone starts to regain a little bit of consciousness.  Winterra I need you to roll me a quick perception check.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, that’s a 23.” 

[Jordan]:  “So. As this is all going on, you begin to feel Sisava squirm a little bit. What happens next does not catch you off guard. However, as a horse there’s very little you can do about what is about to happen.”

[Christina]:  “Okay” 

[Jordan]:  “And he manages to slip himself out of the cuffs.  And turns around to attack you. And just before his fangs reach you his head jerks to a sudden stop. And he is flung back onto the ground via his tail and slams hard into the ground, knocking him out cold.” 

[Caitie]:  Sympathizing “Ow.”

[Jordan]:  “As you turn to see what has happened, holding on to the end of Sisava’s tail, you see, clad in robes that Arlo is all too familiar with seeing. Marshall battle armaments, being worn by a green scaled dragonborn.” 

[Arlo]:  “Um this isn’t what it looks like.” 

[Jordan]:  “And as Raiann turns around, she says-” 

[Raiann]:  “Honestly, I didn’t think you would think to actually keep him conscious as if he wasn’t able to do things like this, that’s just sloppy.” 

[Arlo]:  “We’re working on it.” 

[Raiann]:  “I see.  Well, here’s another thing you can work on.”

[Jordan]:  “And she walks up to you Arlo and slaps you.” 

[Raiann]:  “Would you care to explain why you had two days worth of radio silence?” 

[Arlo]:  “Feywild.”

[Raiann]:  “Really?  That’s the best excuse you can come up with, the Feywild?”

[Jordan]:  “And Rhelynn comes up like-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Actually it’s true.” 

[Raiann]:  “Alright, that one’s on me.” 

[Arlo]:  “That really hurt. You have magic hands.” 

[Raiann]:  “You’ll be fine, you’ve had worse.” 

[Saithe]:  “I don’t wanna know how you would know that.” 

[[Christina laughs]]

[Raiann]:  “Because I train him Saithe.  Even in a simulated experience I don’t believe in pulling my punches that much.” 

[Arlo]:  “Yeah, we do spend a lot of time together.” 

[Jordan]:  “She glares at you when you say that.” 

[Raiann]:  “Well fortunately that wraps everything up here. If you guys wouldn’t mind restraining Sisava properly this time, we can go ahead and get everything taken care of back at base.” 

[Jordan]:  “And she begins to walk off back towards the portal area.” 

[Drew]:  “Arlo kind of turns to Saithe and is like,”

[Arlo]:  “So what do you think? Should we just like time up in a big bag?” 

[Saithe]:  “Can he fit in your bag of holding?” 

[Arlo]:  “That would kill him.” 

[Christina]:  “Wait that doesn’t- why would?” 

[Drew]:  “’cause he wouldn’t be able to breathe.” 

[Christina]:  “No, not that why…Why would this wrap everything up?” 

[Caitie]:  “I know what about his sister?”

[Christina]:  “Yeah.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh, you mean that person you guys never told her about?” 

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah…” 

[Christina]:  “Can we like stop her?”

[Saithe]:  “Ma’am?” 

[Jordan]:  “She stops.” 

[Saithe]:  “There may be one other person to recover. Sisava has a twin sister.  She was here with Granaphor.” 

[Jordan]:  “Roll perception. All of you.” 

[Caitie]: “22”

[Christina]:  “Yeah, I got a 21 and 23.” 

[Drew]:  “And I got a 21.” 

[Jordan]:  “So as you guys try and stop Raiann. You guys see what look like grayish vines begin to appear around her head. And in an instant, thorns appear and they tighten around her head, sinking into her skull as she cries out in pain. And she begins to squirm violently as if trying to resist something. But whatever it is eventually, she stops moving as her upper body hangs limp. And she turns back to all of you, her eyes glowing red.” 

[Mysterious Female Voice]:  “Bravo, bravo!” 

[Jordan]:  “You guys turn to the sound of this mysterious voice and see what looks like Sisava again, but you realize that this is actually his sister.” 

[Sisava’s Sister-SS]:  “I’m impressed that you managed to restrain my brother, so quickly.  Unfortunately for you. I’ve already won.” 

[Arlo]:  “So quick poll here. How much do you care about your brother?” 

[SS]:  “None.” 

[Arlo]:  “Damn.” 

[SS]:  “We already agreed that our lives were forfeit when it came to the machinations of our grand design.” 

[Arlo]:  “Well then I guess there’s only one thing to do.” 

[Caitie]:  “Roll for initiative?” 

[Jordan]:  “Not quite yet.” 

[Drew]:  “Either that I was gonna try to fire off a Guiding Bolt in a surprise round. If we could manage that, but I don’t think we would.”

[Jordan]:  “No you can do that I’ll let you.” 

[Drew]:  “No then yeah, I do that.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright.”

[Drew]:  “At a third level-” 

[Caitie]:  “I don’t- I don’t like the way that Jordan’s talking right now.” 

[Jordan]:  “No no it’s fine it’ll be great.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh god.”

[Jordan]:  “So you fire off a Guiding Bolt and it barrels right towards Sisava’s Sister. And just before it makes contact, it fizzles.” 

[SS]:  “You know, it really is a shame. But unfortunately I can only afford so many puppets.” 

[Jordan]:  “And you see, from the debris behind her. Three figures emerge. Three figures that you all recognize. One is a human, clad in golden armor, wielding a shield. Next to him a lizardfolk, also carrying a shield with a large spear. And at the center of them, a red skinned tiefling with no visible horns holding out a hand engulfed in a magical glow. And the three of them walk in front of Sisava’s sister-”

[Drew]:  “Cantaloupe.”

[Jordan]:  “I’m not calling her that.” 

[Caitie]:  “Do any of us know what her actual name is?” 

[Jordan]:  “Technically I have never said her actual name, but she does have one.” 

[Drew]:  “It’s cantaloupe.”

[Jordan]:  “It is not.  And then Raiann walks in front of those three. Who just to be clear, is team Divine Shield.  And then from underneath the sister, a giant snake emerges from the ground with her resting on its head.” 

[Caitie]:  “Getting some severe Naruto vibes up in here.” 

[Jordan]:  “I, Orochimaru!”

[[Caitie and Drew laugh]]

[Drew]: “Is that her actual name Jordan?”

[Jordan]:  “No, it’s absolutely not. I have more originality than that, goddamnit! 

[Drew]:  “No!  Her name is Orochi Mara, it’s different. It’s a different name.” 

[Jordan]:  “’Cause it’s a girl! And she holds up her right hand which has this weird circular what almost like a plate, with four pinkish-purple gems in it. And sticking out of the end of the disk that is closest to her elbow you see the handle on the Fang of Merrshaulk. And she says-” 

[SS]:  “With the key in place, we are finally able to control people from vast reaches, more than our power would normally allow. And with this we shall amass a grand army!  All the test subjects we could ever want to grant us closer to our god!  We will ascend and humanity will be the footholds of our creation. But I have no need for you pests. Now it is time for you to disappear.” 

[Jordan]:  “And with that, Raiann unsheaths her katana. And now it is time for you all to roll initiative for the true final boss.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh my God.”

[Caitie]:  “You’re a dick.”   

[Jordan]:  “Did you really think Sisava was going to be it?  What anticlimactic bullshit, fuck that noise.” 

[Caitie]:  “That’s fair.”

[Christina]:  “I got a 19.”

[Caitie]:  “I have 18.” 

[Drew]:  “I also got an 18.” 

[Jordan]:  “I’m going to assume Saithe has a higher dex and to have better initiative bonus, so she’s going to go ahead in that one.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah I have no initiative bonus Saithe goes 1st.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah.  With that. It is actually Raiann, who goes 1st and she is going to make a beeline for Arlo. And, first swing da sword… Does an 18 hit?” 

[Drew]:  “No.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool bonus action unarmed strike. Does a 27 hit?” 

[Christina]:  “Oh my God!” 

[Drew]:  “Nope, my armor class is 48.” 

[Jordan]:  “Eat a dick I’m rolling damage. Oh yeah, no that first roll was dicks. That’s going to be 9 points of bludgeoning damage.” 

[Arlo]:  “Ow!” 

[Jordan]:  “And she is going to use Flurry of Blows. Andrew, I would like you to know right now I am so, so sorry for the words that are about to come out of my mouth.” 

[Drew]:  “Crit.”

[Jordan]:  “Crit.” 

[Drew]:  “Knew it.” 

[Jordan]:  “19 points of bludgeoning damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “…You okay bud?” 

[Drew]:  “No.” 

[Caitie]:  “Are you still up?” 

[Drew]:  “I have 15 health.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh dear God.”

[Jordan]:  “That’s real real bad for you guys. Terra, you’re up.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay… I think, because we’re already where we need to be, that me being a horse is kind of detrimental to us right now.” 

[Drew]:  “Very much so yes.”

[Jordan]:  “No no, you’ll be fine.” 

[Christina]:  “I think I’m going to unshift from being a horse. Or untransform. And…I’m gonna use the Starbomb on her.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright go ahead and roll to hit.”

[Christina]:  “24.” 

[Jordan]:  “That is going to hit; however, when you do that, you see the tiefling that is named Hope stretches out her hand towards it and grasps it closed and the spell dissipates again.” 

[Christina]:  Under her breath  “They have counterspell.”

[Jordan]:  “They have counterspell, yes.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay… Just for clarification do all three or four of those guys have weird grey thorns in their head?”

[Jordan]:  “Oh yeah, fully.”

[Christina]:  “Okay.” 

[Jordan]:  “Saithe, you’re up.”

[Caitie]:  “Modi is gonna leap off of my shoulder and turn into me.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay…He does not gain your weapons to be clear, he just assumes your form.” 

[Drew]:  “She could have a spare knife to give him.” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, I’ll give him my…I’ll give him my crossbow.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh!  A’aight.” 

[Caitie]:  “And then he’s gonna disappear.” 

[Jordan]:  “Wait, what? What do you mean he’s gonna disappear?” 

[Caitie]:  “He’s gonna go into stealth mode.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, don’t just say he disappears. I don’t know what you mean by that.  That could have been some crazy shit.”  

[Caitie]:  “He’s going into stealth mode Jordan!” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright roll a stealth check with him. He has plus four to stealth.”   

[Caitie]:  “16.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yep, nope. That’ll do it.” 

[Caitie]:  “Okay, perfect. Uh does he have enough of an action to fire a shot off?” 

[Jordan]:  “Ah, not this turn because you have to take the time to shift into you.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay. So then for me, I’m going to pull my short sword.”

[Jordan]:  “Uh-huh.” 

[Caitie]:  “She’s gonna try to go into sneak mode and catch one of the-”

[Christina]:  “Guiding people-Guiding Shield?”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright I already know what this is going to result in but humor me and go ahead and do your stealth check.” 

[Drew]:  “That’s weird the dice just rolled the Infinity symbol.” 

[Jordan]:  “It’s called an eight my dude.” 

[Caitie]:  “It is a 28.  No wait sorry it’s uh 30.” 

[Jordan]:  “You’re good”

[Caitie]:  “Woo”

[Christina]:  “I love Saithe’s ability to turn invisible.” 

[Jordan]:  “I love that she feels the need to justify that no wait 28 may not do it, let me try again.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright so I’m gonna- I’m gonna catch one of them with- with my short sword.” 

[Jordan]:  “Which one?” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m going to go with the hooman.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright go ahead and take that hooman.” 

[Caitie]:  “18.” 

[Jordan]:  “Uh that would normally hit normally except he’s going to cast shield.” 

[Caitie]:  “Bitch!” 

[Jordan]:  “So it all of a sudden does not.  Nice try though.” 

[Caitie]:  “That’s okay.” 

[Jordan]:  “Arlo you’re finally up.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, so.” 

[Caitie]:  “Kiss her to break the spell!” 

[Drew]: Laughs  “I feel like that would be just as likely to get me even more dead, both inside and outside of combat.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh no, for sure.  Telling you right now, won’t work.” 

[Drew]:  “What are the rules on like grappling somebody? Like if you grapple them can they still like attack you without breaking the grapple? Or are they like restrained?” 

[Jordan]:  “Technically, speaking. In rules as written yes that is how that works. However, I think that’s a stupid rule that invalidates the entire fucking point of grappling. So I’m going to say no they cannot.” 

[Drew]:  “Awesome then I have a plan. Okay, step one of plan- as a bonus action. I am going to cast Spiritual Weapon.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool.” 

[Drew]:  “Does it actually happen?” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah.”

[Drew]:  “Sweet! So a big old spectral… guitar, it’s a big old guitar. Is the spiritual weapon. To lean into Texas it’s a guitar.” 

[Jordan]:  “Uh huh?” 

[Drew]:  “And I’m gonna make that over- who’s within 20 feet of me?” 

[Jordan]:  “Raiann, a bunch of people you probably don’t want to hit with it.” 

[Drew]:  “Actually, within 60 feet of me actually.” 

[Jordan]:  “Everyone except the sister.” 

[Drew]:  “Damn it.“

[Jordan]:  “That does include the snake that she rides, though, and the only reason she’s not within 60 feet is because there are some vertical.” 

[Drew]:  “Then I’m going to materialize the weapon by the snake.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay.” 

[Drew]:  “But I won’t use my action to attack with the weapon this turn.  Instead, I will use my action to wrastle Raiann to the ground. Because if she punches me again, I will fucking die.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh my goodness.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright so go ahead and roll me athletics.” 

[Drew]:  “That’s going to be a dirty 20.” 

[Jordan]:  “You got her.” 

[Drew]:  “Woo!  So Arlo casts his spiritual weapon and he goes to- and he’s like looks over at Raiann, he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “I’m awful sorry about this and I’m sure this will probably come up in my performance review but… got your legs!”

[Drew]:  “And he just jumps low and like takes her off her feet.” 

[Jordan]:  “All right, yeah, so you do that. Amidst the tussle, you do also manage to restrain her arms, which is a favor I’m going to do to you. Otherwise, I can still validate killing you. With that, it is now Divine Shield’s turn. The first thing that happens is that the human Harven, is going to attempt to make a shield attack on Saithe.”

[Caitie]:  “Makes sense.” 

[Jordan]:  “Uh does a 16 hit?” 

[Caitie]:  “Barely.” 

[Jordan]: “Wait, no I’m sorry 19 I said that wrong.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh yeah, no definitely you hit.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay cool make me a strength saving throw.” 

[Caitie]:  “Nat 20.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright cool you’re good on that front. But you do still take 4 points of bludgeoning damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “Is that already halved?” 

[Jordan]:  “2 points of bludgeoning damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “That’s what I thought, bitch.”

[Jordan]:  “A very fairpoint and he’s going to make another one. Yeah, no that for sho hits make me another strength saving throw.” 

[Caitie]:  “19.” 

[Jordan]:  “Still, good, take another 2 points of damage that one is halved.” 

[Caitie]:  “OK.” 

[Jordan]:  “Next up is Hope’s turn.  And she, you see her start to glow as she holds her hand close to her chest, and what she does is she takes 5 sorcery points and converts it back into a 3rd level spell slot.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh.  Rude.”

[Jordan]:  “Yep.  Fun fact for you Caitie, 3rd level is the necessary one for Counterspell.  Just in case that wasn’t super obvious what I was doing.”

[Caitie]:  “Yep.”  

[Jordan]:  “Next up is the lizardfolk, Vyth, who is going to take a dash action towards Saithe.  And as he does this, he is going to then take a bonus action to make a melee attack on you with his charger feat.  So he gains a plus 5 to his damage on this one, but first let’s see if he even hits ya! Is a 16 going to hit?”

[Caitie]:  “God damn it, yeah.”  

[Jordan]:  “That is unfortunate.  He gores you for a whole 10 points of damage rounded down to 5.”

[Caitie]:  “Kay.”

[Jordan]:  “And that is now going to bring it to Second Chance.  We’ll start off with Rhelynn who is going to…there is no fucking way I did not give her this spell…you cannot be serious.  I refuse to believe I was that stupid to not do that.”

[Drew]:  “Too late, you fucked it up you didn’t give it to her.”

[Jordan]:  “Do you not want help?  Rhelynn’s on your side.” 

[Drew]:  “Sorry I spaced out there for a second.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah no, if it was something for the bad guys yeah – but I’m trying to help you guys. Okay cool, I will modify that one and make that one of her spells instead because I don’t think to give the cleric Healing Word.”

[Drew]:  “Uh, yeah.”

[Jordan]:  “Not quite sure what I was thinking on that one, gonna go ahead and say I wasn’t.  So she is going to cast that one at a 3rd level on Arlo.” 

[Drew]:  “Yaaay!  What is the healing word that she says?”

[Rhelynn]:  “Shitshitshitshitshit, Arlo get back up please!”

[[Drew and Christina laugh]]

[Jordan]:  “10 more health for you.”

[Drew]:  “Yaaay, I can live.”

[Jordan]:  “Possibly.”

[Drew]:  “Probably not.”

[Jordan]:  “She is then going to go up to Hope and make a single melee attack.”

[Caitie]:  “Get it Rhelynn, we love you!”

[Jordan]:  “The dice don’t love her, she misses hard.  She swings her spade down and unfortunately it just whiffs hard.”

[Drew]:  “Man, I really thought Rhelynn would have been an Ace of Spades.”

[Jordan]:  “I may not heal you next time.”

[[Drew laughs]]

[Jordan]:  “I’m trying to be nice.”

[Drew]:  “What, you don’t like my very funny awesome jokes?”

[Jordan]:  “As Rhelynn whiffs her attack she turns back to Forngal and says-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Forngal, beast mode!!”

[Forngal]:  “Really??  Fuck yeah!”

[Jordan]:  “And you see he lands down on all fours as he begins to shift.”

[Christina]:  “Sweet.”

[Jordan]:  “And you begin to see exactly what kind of a shifter he is. He’s not a bear, quite like Winterra is, he starts to get more of a defined musculature as opposed to just raw muscle and the hair around his neck and throat begin to puff out a bit and you realize he is a lion shifter.”

 [Christina]:  “Nice.”

[Drew]:  “Metal!”

[Jordan]:  “And then he’s going to fungal form.”

[Christina]:  “Oh, yo!”

[Drew]:  “Man, Forngal’s just the main event, like no king was before.”

[Jordan]:  “Yuup.  That…that’s a thing you said. So then around his lion mane a large mushroom begins to sprout out, specifically a lion’s mane.”

[Christina]:  Laughs  “I love it!”

[Jordan]:  “That is a mushroom type, I am not just making that up to be cheeky.”

[Drew]:  “How much mushroom research did you have to do for Forngal?”

[Jordan]:  “Too much.”

[Christina]:  “I love all of it.”

[Caitie]:  “I really need to see – I really need a mushroom lion pokemon now.”

[Drew]:  “That would be pretty great.”

[Jordan]:  “That would be pretty dope.  Unfortunately that is both his action and bonus action so that is all he can do.  Alright so 7 is going to, I’m pretty sure he just…yeah disappeared into the fucking night along with everyone else that did that.”

[Caitie]:  “Modi?”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah.  And he is going to make an attack on Hope.  Actually it might…oh no, it just misses.  Oh well no he’s hidden so he gets…nope rolled the same fucking thing!  Way to go 7!  God Second Chance sucks ass.”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah get y’alls shit together, fuck.”

[Jordan]:  “I swear to god they were supposed to be helpful.”

[Christina]:  “They’re doing their best.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so after that Sisava’s sister is then going to finally take a legendary action, that thing I’ve been forgetting to do, and control a charmed creature.  In this case, Raiann.  And she is going to attempt to escape.  So I need you to make another athletics check.”

[Drew]:  “Can you beat a 22 my dude?”

[Jordan]:  “Hm, well it’s going to be pretty tough but no, no I super fucking cannot.”

[Caitie]:  “Thank.  The lord.  For Big fucking Betty’s.”

[Jordan]:  “The next thing that happens because it is now her turn proper, she is going to hold up the device on her wrist, and it is going to shine brightly.  And I need all of you to make me intelligence saving throws.”

[Drew]:  “Yo.  Natural 20.”

[Caitie and Christina]:  “Nice.”

[Caitie]:  “I made a 19.”

[Jordan]:  “And Winterra?”

[Christina]:  “That was probably not good enough but it was a 13.”

[Jordan]:  “Unfortunately no, it was not.  So Arlo and Saithe you guys are able to shrug off this effect.  Winterra however, you are not quite so lucky, as before you, you see a young boy appear.”

[Christina]:  Alarmed  “Oh no!”

[Jordan]:  “You can’t quite make them out fully, until they look up at you.  And it’s Oliver.”

[Christina]:  “No!!!”

[Caitie]:  “That’s so mean.”

[Jordan]:  “And he says-”

[Oliver]:  “Why?  Why didn’t you save me?”

[Winterra]:  “Oliver!!”

[Oliver]:  “Why didn’t you care enough to save me?”   

[Jordan]:  “And his body immediately lights in flames.”

[Christina]:  Shaking  “Oh, my god…”

[Jordan]:  “As he continues to berate you.  And you are going to take 11 points of psychic damage for that one.”

[Christina]:  Under her breath “Oh my god.”  Normally  “Terra’s bawling.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeeep.  Afterwards it is going to be the constrictor snake’s turn.  It is going to shimmy its way on over to Saithe, Harven, and Vyth, and it is going to attempt a tail attack on Saithe.  Does an 18 hit?”

[Caitie]:  “Oh fucking hell.”

[Jordan]:  “I’m going to assume yes.  Make me a strength save.  Also take 6 points of bludgeoning damage, that’s already halved.”  

[Caitie]:  “16?”

[Jordan]:  “That just saves.”

[Caitie]:  “Ugh!!!”

[Jordan]:  “You are so lucky!” 

[Caitie]:  “Jeesus!”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, back up to the top of the turn order, it is Raiann!  She’s going to try and escape again.”

[Drew]:  “That’s a 25.”

[Jordan]:  “My NPC’s are not having a good time today.”  

[Drew]:  “I mean, this is partially because I am very stronk and I also have the Big Betty’s bonus.  And so everything I am rolling has a plus 9.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, here’s the thing.  Raiann’s escape bonus is also a plus 9 she is just rolling dogshit.”

[Drew]:  Alarmed  “How does she have a plus 9??  She’s a fucking monk!” 

[Jordan]:  “She’s a high level monk dawg.”

[Drew]:  “She supposed to be dex based.”

[Jordan]:  “She is dex based you can escape via dex too you just can’t initiate the grapple with dex.”

[Drew]:  “Whack.”

[Jordan]:  “Grapples are weird man.  Anyway, Terra it is now your turn.  I need you to  make that saving throw again.”

[Christina]:  “Okay, so Terra before like I like fully make the throw is like bawling and she’s like pleading with this, this Oliver that she’s in front of and is just like-”

[Winterra]:  Distraught  “We did everything we could!  You know we all got trapped in that fire we couldn’t do anything- we tried to keep you safe and to heal you! There wasn’t anything we could do!”

[Oliver]:  Menacingly  “You let me die.” 

[Christina]:  “We were all kids!” 

[Jordan]:  “Go ahead and roll it.”

[Christina]:  “Okay!” 

[Drew]:  “This just got real dark real quick.”

[Caitie]:  “Yep.”

[Christina]:  “That was a 21. 

[Jordan]:  “So as you sit there, pleading with this…burning Oliver. It starts to turn into a more monstrous form. And this fiery monster just rushes towards you and goes-”

[Oliver]:  “It was you!!”

[Jordan]:  “And as it envelops you it- the illusion dissipates.  And you now realize exactly what just happened.” 

[Christina]:  “Wow”

[Jordan]:  “Unfortunately, that is at the end of your turn. So Saithe, you are now up.” 

[Christina]:  “First for flavor just since she can’t really do anything could she just like snarl, and growl and immediately look over in the direction of the girl on the snake, the Sisava-sister?” 

[Jordan]:  “Yep.”

[Christina]:  “Okay.” 

[Drew]:  “Cantaloupe.”

[Christina]:  “Cantaloupe.” 

[Saithe]:  “Modi’s gonna fire on Hope.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, go ahead and roll that. It is a + 2.” 

[Caitie]:  “18.”

[Jordan]:  “That fully hits go ahead and roll your damage. 

[Caitie]:  “It’s just one D6 for him right?”

[Jordan]:  “Uh-huh.”

[Caitie]:  “He is sneaky.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay?”

[Caitie]:  “Can I get a plus six for sneaky?”

[Jordan]:  “No.”

[Caitie]:  “Goddamnit” 

[Christina]:  “Can I get a plus six for sneaky…”

[Jordan]:  “He’s not a rogue, he’s a cat.  Technically I shouldn’t be allowing you to attack with him at all but I like what you’re doing so I’m allowing it.” 

[Caitie]:  “4” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright. She takes a whole 4 points of damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “Good boy Modi good boy. Alright and then Saithe is… She is going to fire on Hope.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, how?  Because you are surround- as you have two large guys around you. Are you going to just run past them?”

[Caitie]:  “Alright, fair enough.  Okay, I’ll do lizard boy.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright go ahead and roll it”

[Caitie]:  “A 19?”

[Jordan]:  “That hits, go ahead and roll it. And you do get sneak attack.” 

[Caitie]:  “8.” 

[Jordan]:  “Nice. Alright, gonna be it for you?” 

[Caitie]:  “Yup.”

[Jordan]:  “Cool. Arlo you up.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright. First things first bonus action my giant guitar is going to mosey on over to that snake and smack it wherever it- or trying to smack it wherever it feels the snake’s balls are.”

[[Christina stifles a giggle]] 

[Jordan]:  “It hits it on the small of the back, which is kind of weird.” 

[Drew]: Laughs   “That’s a 25 to hit.” 

[Jordan]:  “Believe it or not, that does in fact hit.” 

[Drew]:  “It’s gonna be 9 damage on the snek.”

[Jordan]:  “Kewl.  Doesn’t like it.” 

[Drew]: “And I’m going to maintain my grapple on Raiann.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.  That’s going to bring it back up to Divine Shield. Alright so Harven is going to make his two attacks on Saithe.  Does 15 hit?” 

[Caitie]:  “No.” 

[Jordan]:  “Well then that definitely doesn’t hit. He fails. Hope is going to cast Mage Armor on herself bumping up her AC a bit. And then Vyth is going to make his two attacks on you- oh actually no first up bonus action rage. And then he’s going to recklessly attack you.  That’s…that’s fo sho gonna hit.” 

[Caitie]:  “Ow.” 

[Jordan]:  “As is that one.” 

[Caitie]:  “Double ow.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yep, so that one is going to be 13 points of damage, rounded down to six.” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m gonna need healing soon.” 

[Jordan]:  “Fortunately, it’s Second Chance’s turn.”

[Caitie]:  “Yay!” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, I’m not on healing duty this mission. I’m on making sure Raiann doesn’t murder us all mission.”

[Caitie]:  “That’s fair.” 

[Jordan]:  “You’re on grapple duty.” 

[Drew]:  “Tackle and grapple.” 

[Caitie]:  “And I’m pissed ‘cause I could’ve used hellish rebuke but…”

[Christina]:  “We’re not near the forest are we?  We’re in the middle of town.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah we’re not in the forest!  You can do that.” 

[Jordan]:  “I’ll allow it.”

[Drew]:  “You could actually hellish rebuke him right now, it’s still the time for it.” 

[Caitie]:  “But the girl can absorb my magic can’t she?”  

[Jordan]:  “If she chooses to.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, but then she burned that Counterspell.” 

[Caitie]:  “Okay…alright…okay!  I’m gonna use Hellish Rebuke.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, on which- well, actually I guess he is the only one that did it, so she is actually not going to counterspell that one. I swear this is not meta gaming, I have rules for what she does that to.”

[Caitie]:  “Mmkay”

[Jordan]:  “Is it a dex save?” 

[Caitie]:  “It is.” 

[Jordan]:  “10.”

[Caitie]:  “No.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, cool roll your damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “16.” 

[Jordan]:  “Ooof wow that’s a meaty hit.  Alright so, Rhelynn  is going to cast Healing Word on Saithe at a second level, 9 points of health.”

[Caitie]:  “Thank you.” 

[Jordan]:  “Now Forngal’s going to go ahead and use his beast mode.” 

[Drew]:  “Fuck ‘em up!”

[Jordan]:  “He is going to go up and make two unarmed strikes with his big meaty lion claws.” 

[Caitie]:  “All we need is a tiger shifter.”

[Drew]:  “Lions and Tigers and bears- Oh my!”

[Caitie]:  “Oh my!” 

[Jordan]:  “I wouldn’t count on me doing that anytime soo- holy fuck go Forngal, shit!” 

[Caitie]:  “Get it!” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no, he unloads on Hope she does not like this at all. So that is going to be a meaty couple of d6’s…a grand total of 18 points of damage! She likes none of that.”

[Christina]:  “Nice!” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no Hope is looking pretty messed up.”

[Drew]:  “You could say she has no hope.” 

[Jordan]:  “You could say that. Especially since 7 is up now. And he was also trying to knockout Hope. So he is going to attempt to hide in the debris…”

[Drew]:  “The deb-ris” 

[Jordan]:  “Rolls a nat fucking one and wiffs that hard.  So he’s just going to try and stab normal like.”

[Caitie]:  “He’s just, he’s still recovering you know?”

[Christina]:  “Mhm.”

[Jordan]:  “And rolls a big meaty 5.  Go 7.” 

[Christina]:  “He’s really struggling right now.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no, he ain’t doing great at all, I’ve also forgotten that the fucking sister has legendary actions again. So we’re going to go ahead and do that real quick.” 

[Drew]:  “I feel like the entirety of team Second Chance is just like that, like overly bumbling like three stooges style team. Like ooooh-”

[Jordan]:  “Forngal did pretty fucking good, Forngal’s doing awesome!”    

[Drew]:  “Only Forngal though like the rest of this kinda like – Oh I fell down the stairs. My shoes fell off.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, I know I’m gonna regret saying this but go- Arlo go ahead and roll me another athletics check. I know you passed, though ’cause once again, Raiann rolled dogshite.” 

[Drew]:  “What, no, it could turn out different way…” 

[Jordan]:  “Did you roll higher than a 3?” 

[Drew]:  “I mean that is a 19 on the die and-” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no you good, she really can’t do a whole lot right now. So it’s gonna go on to the snek who is going to once again try and pound Saithe into the dust. And it’s gonna hit. So I need you to roll me a strength saving throw.” 

[Caitie]:  “Can do, let me see.  Let me seeeee….15.” 

[Jordan]:  “That is not going to do it.”

[Caitie]:  “Ugh, okay.” 

[Jordan]:  “So you take six points of bludgeoning damage- that’s been halved –  and are knocked prone.”

[Caitie]:  “Goddamnit!” 

[Jordan]:  “Back up the top of the order time to see if Raiann can stop sucking at her throws!  Yes, shit!  Alright, see what you got.” 

[Drew]:  “That’s going to be…a 19.” 

[Jordan]:  “So as you hold her like try and keep yourself locked around her. She manages to what almost seems like dislocate her shoulder and slip out, and she is now freed.” 

[Drew]:  “Well fuck.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeeep.  Unfortunately for her though, that is going to be the entirety of her action. So Winterra you’re up.”

[Christina]:  “So how like blocking the snake and angry sister are, are the guys right now?” 

[Jordan]:  “So Hope kind of has her hands full for the time being, but Harven and Vyth are both in front like they’re 10 feet away from the serpent that is holding the sister. Who I really need to get to say her name out loud so I can finally stop-” 

[Drew]:  “-cantaloupe!”

[Jordan]:  “It’s not cantaloupe.” 

[Caitie]:  “Why do we why? What is- Is there like some big reveal?”

[Jordan]:  “No, I’ve just been forgetting to say it.” 

[Drew]:  “And you want us to stop calling her cantaloupe.” 

[Jordan]:  “This feels weird for me to just announce it out of character.”

[Caitie]:  “Fair enough.” 

[Drew]:  “She could just yell it out just be like- Arrrrh fear the mighty cantaloupe!” 

[Jordan]:  “That’s probably what’s going to happen minus the name you said. Anyway Terra it’s still your turn!”

[Christina]:  “Yeah, so what  I’m trying to figure out if I can do is I… I’m going to shift, okay?  So that’s just like that’s that’s part of-” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool, glad we got that established.” 

[Christina]: “So I’m going to shift into a bear, but I want to try to figure out if I can do is lunge for the snake.  Like I want to try to see if I can get into the snake without like – or if the guys are like in the way?”   

[Jordan]:  “Um? I would say you could attempt to do that.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.  So as like I’m like shifting and running towards her. I’m just gonna be like-”

[Winterra]:  “How dare you make me feel my feelings! I shoved those down years ago!

[Jordan]:  “So the only catch to this, and this may undo some things depending on how you feel, because of how they are- Harven and Vyth would get opportunity attacks on you- is that okay?” 

[Christina]:  “Is there not a way for me to like run around like to the side of them?”

[Jordan]:  “You can do that by taking a dash action, but then you will not have an action left to spare.” 

[Christina]:  “I don’t really want the opportunity attacks but I do want to get in range of that snake and her. I think- how are all three of the Guiding Shield you said Hope is looking bad and-?” 

[Jordan]:  “Hope is real real bad, Harven looks relatively fine. Vyth is- he’s looking a bit roughed up but Hope is bar none, the worst off of them. Almost as if casters are squishy squishy people.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay so my slight modification then I’m still gonna shout and like run and like while I’m running I’m gonna stare at her- like not Hope but sister and be like-”

[Winterra]:  “How dare you make me feel my feelings I suppressed those years ago!”

[Christina]:  “But she’s actually going to go for Hope.” 

[Jordan]:  Amused “Like an angry driver just passing by someone yelling profanities from their car?” 

[Christina]:  “Yes, yes.  And she’s actually gonna go at Hope and attack Hope with her scimitar.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright then go ahead and roll it.”

[Christina]:  “19?”

[Jordan]:  “19 hits roll damage.” 

[Christina]:  That’s a 4 + 3, is 7.” 

[Jordan]:  “Nice, she has seen better days. Gonna be it for you?” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, that’s all I’m doing to her.”

[Jordan]:  “Saithe, you’re up.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright so I’m prone?” 

[Jordan]:  “You’re prone. It would take your full movement to get up.” 

[Drew]:  “I thought it would take half your movement?” 

[Jordan]:  “It will take half your movement to get up.”

[[Drew and Caitie laugh]]

[Jordan]:  “I have a lot to manage. Get off me. Do you get up to take- do you use half your movement to get up?”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool, you’re up.” 

[Caitie]:  “Great, I’m gonna take another stab at Lizard Boy.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool do it- real quick because he used a reckless attack last turn you have advantage on this roll, if you did not already.” 

[Caitie]:  “Nope. 19 will do.” 

[Jordan]:  “It will! So go ahead and roll that out, it has sneak attack because you are a Swash Buckler and they own.” 

[Drew]:  “Rakish audacity.” 

[Caitie]:  “7.” 

[Jordan]:  “Nice.”

[Caitie]:  “And then Modi is gonna fire at Hope.”. 

[Jordan]:  “Cool, yeah, +2 on the attack.” 

[Caitie]:  “14.” 

[Jordan]:  “Not enough.”

[Caitie]:  “That’s it for me. 

[Jordan]:  “Cool. Arlo?” 

[Drew]:  “Right so before I decide exactly what I’m going to do, I do have some questions for you Jordan.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay”

[Drew]:  “So. If something is carrying something else on its head. Would you call that holding that thing if that something doesn’t have hands?” 

[Jordan]:  “No.”

[Drew]:  “Fuck.  Okay then Plan B.” 

[Jordan]:  “Well hold on what was your plan because if I hear it out, I might like it.”

[Drew]:  “Okay so I was gonna use the spell command.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay”

[Drew]:  “And you can give it one of like 5 commands. One of them is drop, the target drops whatever it is holding and then ends its turn.” 

[Jordan]:  “I would allow that.” 

[Drew]:  “Then I am going to cast command on the snek.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay”

[Drew]:  “It’s going to need to make a wisdom saving throw.” 

[Jordan]:  “Except. Counterspell.” 

[Drew]:  “Goddamnit”

[Jordan]:  “That is not the only reason I allowed that, but that is just a thing.” 

[Drew]:  “You’re the worst.”

[Jordan]:  “Sorry.  Also the Counterspeller is not doing great so.” 

[Drew]:  “Actually, how close is she to the snake?”

[Jordan]:  “Uh she would be…maybe about like 20 feet?”

[Drew]:  “Then I’m going to bonus action move my spiritual weapon, which is still floating around over to her and then smack the dogshite out of her with that magical guitar.”

[Jordan]:  “Roll it.” 

[Drew]:  “It’s a dirty 20.” 

[Jordan]:  “Roll your damage.” 

[Drew]:  “So that’s gonna be…11 damage” 

[Jordan]:  “So. Hope is trying to deal with the might of Second Chance, along with this Saithe cat thing. And so does not see the spectral guitar as it whams in the back of her head, and she drops.”

[Caitie]:  “Yay!”

[Drew]:  “Just imagining like that that El kabong sound. Everything is going on all around her and then she has to like stop to counterspell the command spell like they kind of lock eyes and Arlo’s just like-”

[Arlo]:  “Made ya look!”

[Drew]:  “And then immediately spectral guitar to the back of the head.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, so she is knocked the fuck out.” 

[Christina]:  “Good.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, is that gonna do it for you Arlo?” 

[Drew]:  “Also like Arlo like after knocking her out goes like-”

[Arlo]:  “Ha ha. Yeah!”

[Drew]:  “And then looks over and notices Raiann is still there and he goes-”

[Arlo]:  “Oh wait, fuck.”

[Drew]:  “And that’s the end of my turn.” 

[[Christina laughs]]

[Jordan]:  “We are now back with Divine Shield or at least what’s left of it. Harven is going to take his attacks real quick. That would be 17 to hit.”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah..” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool. That’s going to be a meaty…let’s see that’ll be 5 normally so 2 damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “Kay”

[Jordan]:  “Next up is Hope who is going to dribble on the ground like an incoherent moron because she’s unconscious, then Vyth is going to go once again recklessly attacking.”

[Caitie]:  “Goddamnit.” 

[Jordan]:  “That’s how he do. It would be wrong of me not to barbarian in the way that barbarians barbarian.” 

[Caitie]:  “How many times can I cast Hellish Rebuke?” 

[Jordan]:  “Once, ’cause that is not a spell that you have stocked that is a tiefling racial feature.  Oh my fucking god!” 

[Christina]:  “I hope that’s Oh my fucking god that, he crit failed.” 

[Jordan]:  “I mean yes and no. ‘Cause he rolls with advantage the first one was a nat 1.” 

[Christina]:  “Uh huh.” 

[Jordan]:  “The second was a nat 20.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh my God.” 

[Jordan]:  “And that was only for his second attack. The first one also hit. Saithe I am so so sorry.” 

[Drew]:  “Hey Jordan?”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah?” 

[Drew]:  “Go to jail.”

[Jordan]:  “I’m sorry I really am. 18, halved down to 9 points of bludgeoning dam- er piercing damage.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright. I’m gonna need some healing soon.” 

[Jordan]:  “Brings up to Second Chance, and they’re like-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Saithe are you okay??”

[Saithe]:  “Trying!!  Help!!”

[Rhelynn]:  “Right gotcha!”

[Jordan]:  “And she’s gonna Healing Word you again. There’s gonna be another 9 points of health back.”

[Saithe]:  “Okay!!”

[Jordan]:  “And then she is going to run over to, as is for posterity’s sake, all of them. And they are all going to make some attacks we will say on Vyth ’cause he is being the biggest pain in the dick. Yeah, no that would hit. Alright so she is going to swing down her spade and do… dick.  That is going to be 4 whole points of damage. She’s trying. But Forngal on the other hand, is gonna go fucking ape shit again. No that one’s going to miss. That one’s not! So that’s another 11 points of damage, and then we’re going to have sneaky sneaky not snake boy try and hide.  Yes, I believe that will do it for the sake of who he is trying to hit. So yeah, he’s going to manage to get his hit in. It is a sneak attack. Oh. Oh, so close so close Vyth looks real real real real bad, but unfortunately still stands. So the sister looks over everything and says-”

[SS]:  “You may have taken down one of my pieces, but I will see you all fall. After all, I still have my Queen. Bow before Avasis!!”

[Jordan]:  “And she’s going to control Raiann and have her do an attack on you Arlo, oh buddy.” 

[Drew]:  “Haha, I’m in danger.”

[Jordan]:  “Yes, you are that is 18 on the die. So that fully fucking hits so… You will be taking 6 slashing damage that’s already been halved. And 5 cold damage. Avasis’ turn and that means the snake’s turn. Uh, so snek is going to try and smack down Saithe again. Snake is gonna fucking hit, roll me a strength save.” 

[Caitie]:  “19.”

[Jordan]:  “You are good on that you still take six points of damage.  Backup the top of the order is Raiann again. Second verse same as first.” 

[Caitie]:  “Whole lot louder and a whole lot worse.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yep. Yep Yep Yep, Yep. So 17 is going to miss. Bonus action. That’s gonna hit and then I’ll throw an a flurry of blows too that’s going to miss so you only have to worry about one kick in the chromatic cubes.” 

[Drew]:  “Why would I have cubular balls?” 

[Jordan]:  “Because your God does as we’ve already determined in lore get over it.”

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah.” 

[Jordan]:  “That is 6 points of bludgeoning damage. Terra, you’re up.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay. So do I have an access to the snake now? Or do I still have to take an opportunity attack if I run past what’s his face?” 

[Jordan]:  “From where you would be coming from since you ran over to Hope you would actually have a straight shot.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay and what is everything else looking like right now? I know you said what’s his name with the V is looking kind of rough how’s the other one looking?” 

[Jordan]:  “Uh Vyth is looking super super super really, really I can’t believe he’s still alive bad.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.”

[Jordan]:  “And Harven has not been touched.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.

[Jordan]:  “The snake is looking okay and Avasis is also untouched. So glad that I can just say her name now.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay. Is it possible for me to get to Vyth and near enough to the snake to hit both of them?” 

[Jordan]:  “Not with melee. Actually hold on real quick Terra. I want you to roll me a perception check.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay. 21” 

[Jordan]:  “As you scope the battlefield and try and figure out what your next move should be. You notice the disc on Avasis’ arm. One of the gems is no longer glowing so only three of the four are now lit.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh, interesting. Okay.  Cool. Then in that case I am going to run up to Vyth and I’m going to hit him with- ’cause it sounds like you said he looks really fucking bad. I’m gonna I’m gonna bite him.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, roll it with advantage because he recklessly attacked.”

[Christina]:  “Okay,  21.”

[Jordan]:  “So you run up and you sink your teeth into him and he just immediately just falls over unconscious, he had one health.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, yeah, cool my modifier is 3 on that so.” 

[Jordan]:  “You could have rolled a one and killed him with no modifier. There’s no way you didn’t knock him out.” 

[Christina]:  “Does, does one of the other gems go dark? When that happens?”

[Jordan]:  “Yes.”

[Caitie]:  “Nice!!” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, cool!”

[Jordan]:  “You also notice in both him and Hope the thorns on the thorn crown on their heads vanish.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh, interesting. Alright, well, and then since that was that counted as my bonus action- my bite. Was he standing near anyone else?”

[Jordan]:  Uh, Harven.”

[Christina]:  “That I could get with my scimitar.” 

[Jordan]:  “The human.”

[Drew]:  “Wait, are you near enough to grapple Raiann?” 

[Jordan]:  “No, you are- you two are kind of doing your own thing right now.” 

[Drew]:  “Damn”

[Caitie]:  “I’m imagining like a like a small hand to hand combat scene between you two.” 

[Jordan]:  “This is just a fun little sparring match between teacher and student.” 

[Drew]:  “To the death!”  

[Jordan]:  “In which the teacher is trying to murder the student.” 

[Drew]:  “As Sifu would say- a friendly exchange of ideals to the death.” 

[Jordan]:  “To the death!  Ah. Inside jokes.” 

[Christina]:  “Does a 21 hit?” 

[Jordan]:  “Yes, it does. Until he casts shield.” 

[Christina]:  “Until he cast shield on himself, okay. 

[Jordan]:  “Sorry still has spell slots. 

[Christina]:  “That’s fine. Alright well. That’s that I don’t think I can do anything else right now.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool, Saithe, you’re up.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright Modi is gonna fire on the human.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright go ahead and roll it. 

[Caitie]:  “16.” 

[Jordan]:  “Does not hit.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright, and then I’m gonna hit on Harven.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.” 

[Caitie]: “19.” 

[Jordan]:  “Normally, yes, but Shield is still up so I’m afraid no.” 

[Caitie]:  “Alright and then I’m gonna take a bonus action to get away from him and the snake, so I can not die.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay so that would be a disengage and a retreat, alright!” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah.” 

[Jordan]:  “Arlo?  What you doing?” 

[Drew]:  “Oh boy.  I’m going to bonus action move the magical guitar. Over to cantaloupe.”

[Jordan]:  “How far can the guitar move?”

[Drew]:  “Target of 20 feet.” 

[Jordan]:  “It can only get to the snake it would have to go up to be able to get it.” 

[Drew]:  “Right then I will move the guitar over to the snake and then hit the snake.” 

[Jordan]:  “Hit the snake.”

[Drew]:  “It’s gonna be an 18 to hit the snake. 

[Jordan]:  “It hits the snake.” 

[Drew]:  “Yay!  That’s gonna be 6 damage.” 

[Jordan]:  “6 damage indeed.” 

[Drew]:  “And then second verse same as the first tackle and grapple on Raiann.” 

[Jordan]:  “Roll it.” 

[Drew]:  “Arlo runs up to her like-”

[Arlo]:  “Please stop punching me in the dick!”

[Drew]:  “It’s going to be a 21.” 

[Jordan]:  “That is not going to do it. However!  I need you to roll me a perception check.” 

[Drew]:  “So 12.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, now roll me a persuasion check.” 

[Drew]:  “I have no modifier for that, but still, uh, 17.” 

[Jordan]:  “For a brief moment, the red glow in her eyes fades. And she looks at you. And says-” 

[Raiann]:  “GET.  THE CONTROLLER- AARGH.”

[Jordan]:  “And her eyes immediately begin to glow red again. That is going to be Harven’s turn.  He’s just going to make his two attacks on…we’ll say Forngal.  Yeah, no that’s definitely gonna hit.”  Sarcastically “Yeah, real real good damage there, he’s doing his best.”  Normally  “Shocker someone with a shield does not do great damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, it wasn’t him that was hurting me all that much. It was the snake.”  

[Jordan]:  “Oh, I’m well aware of why you ran. Okay, that’s it for Divine Shield. Evidently, with only one member they’re kind of worthless. So now all of Second Chance is just gonna freaking wail on the dude. Rhelynn misses… Forngal misses, Forngal misses again, 7 manages to hide and also fucking misses.” 

[Caitie]:  “Goddamnit, Second Chance.” 

[Jordan]:  “I swear to God there’s supposed to be cool.” 

[Jordan]:  “So at this point Avasis is going to once again control Raiann. That is unfortunately a dirty 20.  6 bludgeoning 7 cold.” 

[Drew]:  “And down.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh…oopha doofa.  Well, that brings it up to the snake who is going to swing down on Terra and miss like a big old weenie. That is going to be Raiann’s turn. She is going to make a beeline for the group. And she is going to specifically go for Terra. 

[Christina]:  “Okay.” 

[Jordan]:  “Does a 16 hit?” 

[Christina]:  “No, it doesn’t actually!”

[Jordan]:  “Bonus action, that’s a nat 1, flurry of blows that’s a 23.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, that one hits.” 

[Jordan]:  “12 bludgeoning damage.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.” 

[Jordan]:  “Terra you’re up.” 

[Christina]:  “Alright. So for me, how far away is Arlo from me?”

[Jordan]:  “30 feet.” 

[Christina]:  “So I could reasonably encompass me and him in a 30 foot sphere or 30 foot circle?”

[Jordan]:  “Since he’s thirty feet away. I would say yes.” 

[Christina]:  “Er I’m sorry, the zone it says 30 foot radius zone”

[Jordan]:  “Well then yeah it’s a 60 foot circle. You can fo sho get- you can be the center of it and still get him. 

[Christina]:  “So here’s what I’m going to do that I think, I think I can do all three of these things because one’s a movement, one’s my action, and one’s my bonus action. I want to bonus action summon my radius wolf. Uh, which is healing so it says heal creatures that I choose that are within the zone my level HP. When I spend a healing spell on a creature so it basically adds that to whatever my healing spell is.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.” 

[Christina]:  “And so this does the other people too. But it also affects the person I specifically target so I’m going to Cure Wounds on Arlo.” 

[Jordan]:  “Isn’t Cure Wounds touch? 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, sorry no, I meant. Yeah, ’cause I think Cure Wounds is the bonus action one wasn’t it? Oh my God. Oh wait no no. Yeah sorry I was thinking-” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh wait, no no healing word as bonus action cure wounds is I think that one’s main action? I’m not fully sure, but I know it heals for more and is touch as opposed to healing word, which is definitely a bonus action and heals for less. But is also ranged.” 

[Christina]:  “Umm. So is it possible for me to get to Arlo to touch him?” 

[Jordan]:  “I mean as long as you’re willing to go through Raiann and get an opportunity attack on you, yeah, you can totally do that.” 

[Caitie]:  “I have potions and I’m disengaged so if, if you can’t get to him, I will.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, so here’s what I’m going to do instead. Instead of the Wolf, I want to do the bear ’cause it’s still. It’s still the creatures that I choose, it’s just not as, it’s not like as good for HP healing, but it’s still HP healing, so it’s 5 plus my level temp HP that they gain so 10 temp HP for me, Arlo, who else is in the zone, Forngal? 

[Jordan]: “You can get… All of you guys and all of Second Chance. ‘Cause Second Chance’s kinda like bundled around you right now. The only people who aren’t within that specific group would be Saithe and Arlo, and they’re definitely still within the circle.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, yeah, so those guys get 10 temp HP.”

[Jordan]:  “Arlo, you up?”  

[Drew]:  “Arlo pops back up and is just like, “

[Arlo]:  “Ah! It hurt like a bitch!”

[Christina]:  “Okay, so that was a bonus action to do that, so it actually doesn’t use my action.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, still have your action.”  

[Christina]:  “Yeah, so. Then … I’m gonna send a fun ice knife at Avasis.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.” 

[Christina]:  “Because that’s going to explode in at the snake anyway. 22.” 

[Jordan]:  “22 hits.” 

[Christina]:  “Sweet Okay, so ice knife hit her and then that’s gonna take one D10 for her which is 3. So not great. But then she also has to deal with exploding ice as well as the snake. Well, both of them did make a dex saving throw actually.” 

[Jordan]:  “Does a 13 pass?” 

[Christina]:  “That meets my DC.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright so that one’s going to hit. Good news, Avasis crit failed. And I have this fun little rule that I like to implore for situations like this. If a character crit fails on a saving throw that would deal damage. That is also a crit in my eyes.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay.”

[Caitie]:  “I love it.” 

[Jordan]:  “You get crit damage on this explosion.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, so that was the max possible dice, plus whatever I roll, right?” 

[Jordan]:  “Yes, plus mod if applicable.”   

[Christina]:  “Okay, 12 plus 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 ice damage.” 

[Jordan]:  “And that’s specifically for Avasis?” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah.” 

[Caitie]:  “Eat shit.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, I know she did not like that.”

[Christina]:  “The ice just kind of explodes around the snake in that case, and just kind of falls like little snowflakes.” 

[Jordan]:  “What was the non crit damage? 

[Christina]:  “I think if the dex save is passed I don’t think it takes damage.” 

[Jordan]:  “It didn’t pass.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh, the snake didn’t pass oh oh then 6,7,8,9,10, 11 damage.” 

[Caitie]:  “God those ice knives are really great.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no it’s a real good fucking spell.  Alright yeah that all just happened.” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, and we’re fine ’cause you said it’s a 15 foot tall snake so like we’re we’re fine. It just like basically it’s like little pieces of like hail kind of falling from the sky were just like, mmm there’s ice.”  

[Jordan]:  “Yep, love it!  Alright is that it for you?” 

[Christina]:  “I’m just kind of sling her a glance like making like and look at her with a glare in my eyes before I like return my attention to whatever is going on around me.” 

[Jordan]:  “Nice, Saithe you’re up.” 

[Caitie]:  “Um, did I hear Raiann say that?” 

[Jordan]:  “We’re pretty far into this. I’ll say yes.” 

[Caitie]:  “Okay, can I roll a perception to see where the controller is?”

[Jordan]:  “No, because you fully know where it is. She has shown it off on more than one instance, right? Yeah, you’re fully aware of where this bitch is?” 

[Caitie]:  “Are there any trees around? 

[Jordan]:  “Uh uh no because you are in the middle of town, however. I’ll do you one better. There is a gaggle of people that you could probably convince to spring load you up with a good strength check if you so see fit like Terra or any of Second Chance.”

[Caitie]:  “Hella.” 

[Christina]:  “What would that use on our turns?”

[Jordan]:  “Huh?” 

[Christina]:  “I said, what would that require from us?” 

[Jordan]:  “If she- well whoever would be the one pushing up would need to make an athletics check and Saithe herself would need to make an acrobatics check to get high enough.” 

[Caitie]:  “And I’m not worried about that ’cause my acrobatics is about just as high as myself is.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, well, I pretty sure me and Forngal are pretty pretty stronk.” 

[Jordan]:  “So who do you want because whatever they make will determine how high the DC for your acrobatics check is.” 

[Caitie]:  “What is Forngal’s athletics?” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright Forngal has a 5 for athletics. Let me just double check on Rhelynn ’cause she’s also pretty strong. Forngal’s the strongest.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright uh Winterra what’s yours?” 

[Christina]:  “Forngal’s stronger.” 

[Caitie]:  “Okay.  She’s gonna run up to Forngal and say-”

[Saithe]:  “Throw me!”

[Forngal]:  “Yeah!  BEAST MODE LET’S GO!!” 

[Jordan]:  “And he’s going to look up his hands, so let’s see what he does, pretty middling. He got a 10. So I will say your DC to beat on that one will be 18. 18 acrobatics check.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh, 18 on the dot!! And it’s plus 12, so we’re good!”

[Drew]:  “Hell yeah!”

[Jordan]:  “Alright now if you’re ready to go up there.”

[Drew]:  “Do a flip!!” 

[Caitie]:  “I’ll do it for flavor.” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright cool you do some flips you’re up there. What do you do?” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m gonna- fuck, well grab at the controller!” 

[Jordan]:  “So you want to try and do a grapple check?”

[Caitie]:  “Yes?”

[Jordan]:  “You do have the dagger of thieves.” 

[Caitie]:  “I do have the dagger thieves!” 

[Drew]:  “Nice!” 

[Caitie]:  “I forgot about the dagger thieves.” 

[Jordan]:  “This is where my occasional benevolence comes in. You’re welcome.” 

[Caitie]:  “I love you.  Alright let’s do it, I mean, I’m using my dagger thieves and I’m gonna steal that shit!”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, so as a reminder here is how the dagger works. You make your attack roll with it and then as a bonus action. You roll Sleight of hand in both cases, your target is their AC. Now as previously determined your gloves of thievery add a plus 5 to any of those rolls or specifically sleight of hand so go ahead and roll your attack and then your sleight of hand to steal the Fang of Marschalk. 

[Caitie]:  “My attack. Is 17?” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, you’re attack hits that’s going to be a D4 and a D6 for your stealth attack or sneak attack.” 

[Caitie]:  “7. On that. And then I need to roll Sleight of hand?” 

[Jordan]:  “Roll Sleight of hand.” 

[Caitie]:  “17,18, 19, 21, 22 –  22?!?”

[[Intro theme begins playing]]

[Jordan]:  “So. You as you lunge your dagger in. You flip over and slide down the back of the snake. Avasis looks over at you and says-”

[Avasis]:  “If you think that little prick is going to change anything that you are deeply mistaken.” 

[Jordan]:  “Now, Saithe. How would you like to gloat that you just stole the Fang of Merrshaulk?”

[Caitie]:  “While I’m sliding down the back of the snake – and I’d like to say that I’m not just lighting down the back of the snake. I’m also like dragging my dagger along it.” 

[Jordan]:  “Disgusting I love it.” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m just gonna look up like behind me like towards her and hold up my free hand with the dagger of Merrshaulk.” 

[Jordan]:  “As you do that, she immediately looks down. And the lights have faded.” 

[Arlo]:  “You have fucked up now.” 

[Jordan]:  “At this point, she sends the snake after you guys like down to try and basically kill Winterra and Second Chance, and as that happens, Harven bashes this thing with his own shield and bounces the snake off.” 

[Christina]:  “Yo!!”

[Caitie]:  “Get it.” 

[Jordan]:  “Avasis tries to use this opportunity to get away. But a puff of wind blows past all of you. As you see Raiann grab Avasis’ head and slam it into the ground!”   

[[Drew, Caitie, and Christina]:  “Yeah!!!!” 

[Drew]:  “With god as my witness she’s broken in half an RKO from outta nowhere folks you hate to see it! 

[Jordan]:  “And as Raiann sheaths her sword, she says-” 

[Raiann]:  “By the power vested in me by the organization known as DAMNED You are under arrest!” 

[Jordan]:  “And that is where we will pause our tale for now!

[[Ending theme begins playing]]. 

[Jordan]:  “Hey guys, thank you all so much for listening. Be sure to listen to the end for a little blooper that didn’t make it into the episode proper.  We’re trying to add these to the end of our episodes now, so it’s a little something extra for those of you who are willing to listen to very end. But before that, in place of our usual plugs and promotions. We wanted to ask everyone to do what they can to help out in our current situation. Especially for our fellow American listeners things are pretty rough right now, so remember to do what you can to keep yourself and others safe.  Wear a mask in public, wash your hands, practice social distancing and try and stay home whenever possible.  Also with elections coming up, please remember to vote. It’s more important now than ever that we practice this basic right and do what we can to help get things back on track. On a more casual note. Please feel free to support us on Patreon if you can. It helps us to improve the show and even comes with some benefits like early access to new episodes and access to our after show- Peek Behind the Screen where we talk about what happened in the episode and see what everyone’s thinking about what happened and what’s to come. You should also follow us on our social medias, Facebook and Instagram at Agents of DAMNED and Twitter at AgentsofD.  If you want to get more involved with the show, please send in requests for magic items, spells, or even NPC’s. Until next time. Bye!

[[Ending theme ends followed by TV static]]

Promo Swap with Ironbound Chest, a super cool podcast!

[Austin]:  Hello listeners!  My name is Austin Moraga, host of The Ironbound Chest, a new interview podcast that focuses on discussing monthly topics relating to D&D and TTRPGs.  Each week I aim to bring on someone from around the community.  Podcasters, streamers, worldbuilders, writers, dice makers, map makers, mini painters, homebrewers, cosplayers, singers, artists, illustrators, crafters, collectors, creatives, and listeners!  The chest is slowly but surely being filled with amazing and wonderful things, and I invite you all to help me in this task.  You can find me on Spotify, and almost wherever you listen to podcasts.  Just search for – The Ironbound Chest.  You can even find me on twitter and Facebook!  So I hope you take the time to listen and help me add some wealth to The Ironbound Chest.            

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