Halloween One Shot aka “A Bone to Remember”

We take a break from the Agents to follow the Friday Night Fun Pals on an epic, spooky adventure.

Transcript

[Drew]:  “Hey there everybody, it’s Drew, your favorite character on the show!  So I just wanted to, before we got into the episode, give a special thanks to Jason Shaw at audionatix.com for the music that we used in today’s Halloween episode.  If you want to check out what he’s got going on just check out audionautix.com.  Ah well, without further adieu, on with the show!” 

[[Intro music plays]]

[Drew]: Doing a whiny mocking voice “Hello everyone and welcome to Agents of DAMNED. I am your Dungeon Master Jordan Roman.”  Normally “I’m sorry. I’m sure you may have noticed that that actually wasn’t Jordan- even though it sounded very similar. It’s me! It’s Drew. I’m gonna be DM’ing today, hurray!”  Pointedly “Everyone say hurray.”

[Caitie]:  Softly  “Yaaaay.” 

[Jordan]: “I will gut you in your sleep.” 

[[Drew chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “There will be no place you can hide from me. You sick son of a bitch.”  

[Drew]:  “I regret nothing.” 

[Caitie]: “Hi guys I’m Caitie and I play Niffun.”  

[Christina]: Stifling a giggle  “Hey guys, I’m Christina and I’ll be playing Fridahn.” 

[Jordan]:  “And my name is Jordan Roman and I am retiring from DM’ing for the day to play P.” 

[Drew]:  “Excellent, excellent, so this is going to be our special Halloween episode and we’re going to be following instead of our normal adventuring group we’re going to be following the Friday Night Fun Pals. A group that we’ve all been relatively curious about and where I’m gonna kind of get a peek into how their adventures usually go by letting, uh, a couple of our… our seasoned adventurers take the reins as their characters. 

[Jordan]: “I’ve been very curious about what the Fun Pals are like.” 

[Caitie]: Singsoning  “Jesus take the wheel.” 

[Drew]:  “Jesus is unavailable. You have to settle for me. 

[Jordan]:  “That’s a sad substitute.” 

[[All chuckle]]

[Caitie]:  “Alright, let’s do this.” 

[Drew]:  “Let’s jump right into it. Alright, so the Friday Night Fun Pals are pretty much already sent out on assignment because I’m not responsible enough to be trusted with Raiann. I would use that horribly. 

But they’re already out at the town of Night Watch. Now Night Watch is a town that’s been founded mostly by people that would be considered either fully or partially of monstrous races. With the world a little bit more heavily regulated than it used to be these are people that wanted to keep a generally normal life, but also people in like smaller towns are a bit more wary of them, so they know that they’re not going to build something there. 

A lot of people have founded their own businesses, started their own way of doing things, but you’ll find things like you know, vampires, werewolves, ghouls, ghosts, zombies, and all sorts of things that are either already within their own, you know mental faculties able to make the decision to just kind of chill out or some will actually have a special amulets that are, you know, giving them a boost to like whatever stats they needed to make the structured decision as to whether or not they want to be kind of a a good dude. 

For example, like you know, if there’s like lower intelligence creatures that are just kind of like smashing things up, usually they might be given a- you know, an amulet to boost their intelligence to fit a little bit, like you know, like you can at least like answer yay or nay as to whether or not you wanna like, not, you know, sit on a mountainside smashing people’s heads in.

So there were a lot of people that said, ‘Yeah, I’m probably gonna like not smash people’s heads in as much,’ have moved over here to the town of Night Watch. 

So, as we kind of open in our scene, you’ve all been sent here to meet with your contact.  There’s been kind of reports that within the area, both Dracula and the Wolfman- both very prominent business owners there- have been using their resources to amass a lot of skeleton labor. Skeletons are kind of the everyman workman, and when they’re not like you know, since they’ve stopped becoming the footsoldiers of liches and such. They kind of formed a union and take whole bunches of odd jobs and such around the you know, around the town and just generally out there in the world. So you may even like run into some, you know some skeleton box loaders or like you know… any kind of job you can think of you might find a skeleton doing it. 

But you’re meeting with your contact atop Deadman’s Hill. Right now the sun is setting in, the yellow rays of that fading sun kind of cascade over a thin figure that’s perched atop the hill, checking their pocket watch as though they’re waiting for someone. And I need everyone around me a perception check. 

[Jordan]:  “Mmm, starting off strong I got 11.” 

[Caitie]: “And I rolled an 18.” 

[Christina]: “Oh my God, you’re not going to believe this.” 

[Drew]: “What’d you get Christina?”

[Christina]: “A  20.” 

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “Holy shit.” 

[Christina]: “On the die plus 6, so 26. I am not joking, that’s amazing!” 

[Drew]:  “Natural 20 or dirty 20?” 

[Christina]: “Natural 20 plus 6 so 26… if we’re going by the non-like nat 20s don’t always succeed on skill checks.” 

[Drew]:  “Nice, yeah, so Jordan’s playing P so, you kind of see the figure atop the hill and is like that is definitely some kind of a guy.” 

[P]: Nasally voice  “Look a person.” 

[Drew]:  “The rest of you, that’s definitely your contact waiting for you. And Christina, I’ll even say that like you notice that your contact is indeed a skeleton.” 

[Fridahn]: Has a vague european accent “Oh yes, P. This is our contact. Yes, it is a skeleton man it seems.” 

[P]:  “Ah, bone daddy, got it.” 

[[Caitie and Drew chuckle]]

[Drew]:  “I love both of your voices!”

[[All laugh]] 

[Jordan]:  “Been sitting on that for weeks.” 

[[Drew chuckles]]

[Caitie]:  “Wait wait wait wait wait wait…you guys ready for this?” 

[Drew]:  “I’m ready.” 

[Niffun]: Also nasally voice “He’s not the only bone daddy around here.” 

[P]:  “Ayyyyyye.”

[Drew]:  “No.”

[[Christina and Drew chuckle]]

[Drew]: “Return that to the store where you got it.” 

[[All laugh]]

[Caitie]: Singsong  “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me”

[Drew]: Joining in  “Or so help me!” 

[[Jordan laughs, followed by Drew and Caitie]]

[Christina]:  “Ahem.”

[Jordan]:  “Every major industry in the world is going to want us dead.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh, we’re we’re we’re digging that hole deeper and deeper every day.”

[[Christina giggles]] 

[Drew]:  “So you see, you notice your contact atop of the hill.” 

[P]:  “So what do you wanna do boss?” 

[Christina]: “Yeah, so I mean, I guess we should continue approaching.” 

[Caitie]:  “Indeed.”

[Drew]:  “Alright, so all three of you are approaching your contact and as you crest over the hill he notices you and clasps a pocket watch shut.”

[Skeleton]: Sickly English accent “Oh hello… I’m a… I’m Chauncey. It’s a… it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

[Drew]:  “And as you guys get closer to Chauncey you get a better look at him. He’s rather smartly dressed, you notice like a white dress shirt and slacks with a little vest on and you can actually see that he has a little pencil thin mustache that has very clearly been drawn on with magic marker.”

[[Caitie laughs]]

[Drew]:  “And he shakes each of your hands like,”

[Chauncey]:  “It’s a- It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m gonna- I’m gonna assume that you guys are… the guys from DAMNED right?” 

[Christina]:  “So Fridahn returns the handshake and he says,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” 

[Chauncey]:  “Oh wonderful, wonderful so… I mean I know their reports are sayin’ that you know, ‘unauthorized skeleton activity.’ And, you know, there’s a hiring of I… I guess the- the letter said an unusual amount of skeletons for the area, but I think they might be kind of blowing it out of proportion. I mean, we- this is kind of just like a high activity place for the boys I guess, but I get you guys probably gotta follow up on it, right?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Yeah, yeah, that is correct.” 

[Chauncey]:  “Okay, okay so. I mean the main guy you wanna talk to about so the- I mean the main guys really hiring most of us it’s Drac. He owns a club in the middle of town.  Now, if you actually want to go over there I can…I can bring you guys out to the club, but I’ve gotta warn you like you know, uh…  You guys are law enforcement types and like we follow laws here we’re law abiding citizens and all that. But uh… you’re not… you’re not- the most welcome if that’s understandable.” 

[Christina]:  “So Fridahn kind of like lets his eyes light up for a second and he gestures with his hand to the other two and a little little too gleefully, almost says,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, do not worry sir. We are well versed in how do you say to… party. We can, we can blend in.” 

[P]:  “We know how to fuck.”

[Chauncey]:  “Oh I’ve not fucked in many moons on account of being a skeleton. Y’know it’s ironic, you know people say like ‘Oh and you know we were gonna bone down tonight but you know if you made of bones they don’t work- you don’t do a lot of boning. Yeah you don’t have the necessary equipm-”

[P]:  “I really don’t care.”

[Chauncey]:  “Wow, you’re really a little bit if a dick then aren’t you?” 

[P]:  “You got it, baby.” 

[Chauncey]:  “Alright then.”  

[Drew]:  “And then you can see, like actually roll me perception again on Chauncey.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh, this will be good. Wow, okay, this dice is fired. That’s an 8.” 

[Drew]:  “Um…Chauncey, like yeah, you notice nothing from Chauncey about his reaction to you being mean to him. So Chauncey guides you through the town and like it’s a- it’s really late at night, not the you know, the sun has already set, the darkness kind of settled in and so like you know, a lot of the shops have closed their doors, but the nightlife is also just starting to kind of roll itself in. 

And as you go through the town, you actually notice you know you think ‘oh, maybe we’ve come up to a waterfront’ because you see a large boat. And then you notice the boat is actually just kind of… It seems as though it’s been transported just onto land and then kind of converted almost into a building. And you can see a sign on the building that like, looks like it was made like via magical artificing means using like a Sky Write and you know some Dancing Lights that spells out the words: ‘The Blood Vessel.’ 

[Caitie]:  “Oh.”

[Christina]:  “Hm.”

[Drew]:  “And it looks to be a party yacht that’s been converted into a dance club.” 

[Jordan]:  “As is the fate of most party yachts.” 

[Christina]:  “Uh-huh…”

[Drew]:  “Yup. So Chauncey as you approach Chauncey goes-”

[Chauncey]:  “Now, so um…  I am your contact here and pretty much generally what I meant to do, I have brought you here. I can’t know you. I really can’t. I do work here and so you- I mean you all will be fine you can get in on your own, but I really can’t be seen with you around- round the folks in this club. They’ll get spooked and they’ll think like, ‘Oh, you know, Chauncey’s a snitch, and like, they don’t- they don’t tend to take too kindly…, but it yeah, you’ll be fine.”

[Drew]:  “And he’s kind of like as he’s saying these things he’s slowly walking away from you and leaving you behind.”. 

[P]:  “Don’t worry, I already forgot your name.”

[Drew]:  “You…you hear as like Chauncey’s like walking away like entering the club you hear-”

[Chauncey]:  From far away  “I hate you!  I hate you P”   

[P]:  “I think he likes me.” 

[Chauncey]:  “No, I hate you. I hate you personally.” 

[Christina]:  Chuckling  “Oh my goodness okay… uh yeah, so Fridahn just kind of waves him off gently and then turns to the other two and says-”

[Fridahn]:  “Well let us- let us go in and see what there is to see.” 

[P]:  “Okay, you’re da boss.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, so as you guys approach, you notice that there’s like a relatively long line, as is the case with most popular dance clubs and at the front there are uh, two bouncers that appeared to be ogre’s. They’re kind of dressed in the very like, simple like, kind of like a patchwork armor, but over top of the armor they have like T-shirts stretched over there. That say bouncer on them. And on the back it says: Ask me about the blood vessel.”

[Jordan]:  “God.”

[Christina]:  “Love it.  Okay, so I’m going to lead the other two over to the bouncers and… I’m gonna- I’m going to wink at them and I’m gonna say like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh hello there sirs.  We… we are part of the- part of the performance tonight at the club.” 

[Ogre 1]:  “Wait you guys are part of the performance here?”

[Drew]:  “One of like one of the ogres leans in towards you and like kind of looks you over.”

[Caitie]:  “Niffun just kind of does a cartwheel and starts walking on his hands.”   

[Ogre 1]:  “Ah, that’s, that’s pretty dope. I’m not gonna lie.” 

[Drew]:  “I’ll say roll me a deception check and I’ll… I’ll give you advantage since Niffun is giving you that. That help action there.” 

[Christina]: “Okay. 15.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, so. The bouncer like kind of like looks you real close in the eyes like,” 

[Ogre 1]: “I don’t know about that. I mean the only entertainment we got scheduled for tonight is DJ Boney Boy over there but that was a pretty sweet ass flip. I would say if, if we’re quantifying this on some kind of a table, I’d say you just barely qualified. To get past my- my razor sharp perception of who you guys actually are, so I’ll, I’ll let you pass, but don’t, don’t try any funny stuff. I’ll, I’ll come right in there and I’ll, I’ll mess you up real good.”

[Ogre 2]:  “Yeah, he’ll mess you up real good.”

[Drew]:  “The other one like in the background who’s kind of like his toady and the other bouncer says.”

[Caitie]:  “Niffun is going to follow to enter the building, continuing to walk on his hands.  Like he’s just wanting to showboat a little bit y’know?  He’s just gonna have a lot of fun with it.”       

[Christina]:  “So Fridahn does like a bow, like with one hand behind his back and the other in front of him. And he says,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh I, thank you very much sirs, you will not see any trouble out of us.”

[Christina]: “And he walks on in as they allowed them with the other two.” 

[Drew]:  “Roll me a performance check as you walk in on your hands.” 

[Caitie]: “Performance?  Wouldn’t it be acrobatics?”

[Drew]:  “For the effect that I’m going for, it would be performance.” 

[Caitie]: “Uh, 11.”

[Drew]:  “Alright, you successfully get in there just like walking on your hands and the ogre bouncers are mildly entertained by it, but like not not very much.” 

[Caitie]: “Fair enough.” 

[Jordan]:  “So anyway, P as he goes in, he looks over at the ogres, pulls down his disgusting beige, one piece, leotard, flashes some nip and winks.” 

[Caitie]:  “That’s hot.”

[Drew]:  “Roll me a… just roll me raw charisma.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh good, my worst stat. Oh good! A 4.”  

[Drew]:  “As you do that, the ogre grabs you by the scruff of your neck, and says,”

[Ogre 1]:  “Alright you two can go in, not this guy.” 

[[Christina snickers]]

[P]:  “Ah, you want some personal time. I got you baby.” 

[Ogre 1]:  “I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that, no.” 

[[Caitie chuckles]]

[Christina]: “Oh boy.”  Sighs while composing herself  “Fridahn, Fridahn quickly turns back around. And is going to try to save face a little bit. And so he goes,” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh messieurs please, please do not mind him he, he just is a little bit um…”

[Christina]:  “He just does a little bit of like a circle on his head. He’s like,”

[Fridahn]  “Do not worry we do a good job of keeping him in check.” 

[Ogre 1]:  “I don’t know, I’m not really supposed to let anyone troublesome in there.”

[P]:  “You got Doritos?”

[Ogre 1]:  “Did you just ask me for Doritos?” 

[P]:  “Why, you offering?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, but you see he is a part of the performance.” 

[Ogre 1]:  “Actually hold on. What does this guy have to do with your Entertainment Act?  Tell me, tell me that there.” 

[P]:  “I’m the one that lets them do it on the ceiling.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Yes, you see, we cannot give away all of our tricks, but, he is definitely good for helping with a little bit of the magics that we cannot do. You know how it is.  Mhm.” 

[P]:  “I’m basically the FX guy.” 

[Drew]:  Pauses and then “Roll me one more charisma check, but this time just flat. I’ll say I’ve cancelled out your advantage from before because P is really off putting this ogre.” 

[Christina]:  “Is it a persuasion or charisma?” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, give me persuasion, give me persuasion.” 

[Jordan]:  “I was so afraid you meant me for a second.” 

[Christina]:  “Ha ha ha.” 

[Drew]:  Laughs  “No.  No, I’m not that mean.” 

[Jordan]:  “Like, please make me roll literally anything but charisma that’s my worst stat.” 

[Christina]:  “That’s a 24.”

[Drew]:  “24?!  Jesus. Oh yeah, you’re a bard, neat. So, like the ogre looks at you and is like,”

[Ogre 1]:  “You know what? I- yeah I, I’ve been, uh, I’m I’m a little jumpy tonight, you know I I get that I’m I can be a little bit intense. That’s not my intention. Here, you can have your little friend back but you know, I do mean it, watch it like Yeah don’t. And you know, conduct yourself like you know you like you like you outside of the House. You know this is. This is a classy place.” 

[Christina]:  “Fridahn just pats, pats P on the shoulder and like looks back at the guard he’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, it’s, do not worry. Like I said, we do a good job of keeping watch on him. You will not worry.”

[Christina]:  “And then he like quickly tries to usher P inside like,”

[Fridahn]:  Gritting teeth “Go. Do not say anything else.” 

[Drew]:  “Does P say anything else?” 

[[Drew and Christina chuckle]]

[Jordan]:  “Nope!  P remembers this is a one shot and keeps his mouth shut.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright. Excellent.  You guys have made it inside of the Blood Vessel. So as you enter the Blood Vessel, you actually notice Chauncey is actually there on like these kind of magically artificed, steampunk equivalent of like turntables, and you kind of hear, like in like the the music pumping in the background is like that that-”  imitates a repetitive heavy beat  “- club music even hear like a couple of DJ Boney Boy like kind of thrown in there. 

And as you look around the room, you see there’s a large amount like primarily the clientele, seems to be vampires, as is implied by the name all dancing around and kind of like the lights are flashing and all that there. You do see- one thing that does kind of like stick out to you is that there’s like a unicorn just kind of just like really just vibin’ on the dance floor that’s kind of weird. 

And everyone actually rolled me another perception check.”

[Jordan]:  “One of these dice has to roll well please.” 

[Christina]:  “Non nat 20.” 

[Jordan]:  “There it is! Nat 20!” 

[Caitie]:  “Nice!   I only rolled a 14.”

[Drew]:  “Alright, so all of you notice that there’s like a kind of a sky box office that looks relatively important. Er not, um, not really a sky box office, but more like it looks to be kind of like a VIP area. It is elevated above the dance floor. It is guarded, but that like if you wanted to hazard a guess, that would be where Drac is. And Jordan, with your Nat 20 you see kind of like off in the corner. There’s a couple of- for like for a flash of a second as you’re scanning the room there’s a couple of like vampires and stuff like just doing shots of like this would appear like some kind of like blood whiskey. And there’s like this, like they’re tossing it back and like you feel like for a second you see that tiefling girl that’s kind of new to the agency there with them just doing shots. And then when you look back at that location she’s fully gone. 

[Caitie]:  Giggles  “That um- that’s totally something she would do.”

[[Drew chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “P does not say a word.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright.”

[Christina]: “Oh my goodness.”

[Jordan]:  “Real quick, real quick. Out of character. What is our ultimate objective- like are we just going to try and talk to Drac was it?”

[Drew]:  “What you have heard is that Drac is amassing “an unusual amount of skeleton labor.”  And you’re here to investigate that you can go about that how you choose.” 

[Christina]: “Uh huh.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.” 

[Caitie]: “Can I try to sneak past the guards?”

[Drew]:  “You may certainly try.” 

[Jordan]:  “As you do that, or as you attempt to do that P grabs your shoulder and says,” 

[P]:  “Wait.  Maybe it’s time for…The Friday Special.” 

[Niffun]:  “Ooooh.  The Friday Special.  Niffun likes The Friday Special.”

[Drew]:  “I don’t like any of what I’m hearing right now.” 

[Jordan]:  “Nor will you!” Chuckles

[Christina]:  Failing at containing her laughter  “Yeah so… So Fridahn gets another glint in his eye. He’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Well, you guys know how we do like The Friday Special.”

[Christina]: “And he puts his arms around them.” 

[P]:  “Shall we do it then boss?” 

[Fridahn]: “I think- I think it’s time.” 

[Jordan]:  Gleefully  “May I narrate this please?”

[Christina]:  Amused “Go ahead.”

[Jordan]:  Holding back laughter “Okay, so here’s what these three idiots do.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh God.”

[Jordan]:  “All of the Fun Pals encircle together in a huddle. And slowly they pick up speed and they start chanting.” 

[[Simultaneously]]

[Fridahn]:  “Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, FridayFridayFriday!”

[Niffun]:  “Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, FridayFridayFriday!”

[P]:  “Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, FridayFridayFriday!”

[Jordan]:  “And as they hit peak Friday chant, they jump in the air, head butt each other, and through a list of shenanigans I can list if you want, all three turned invisible.” 

[Drew]:  “Um?”

[[Christina snickering in the background turns to full on laughter from all three of them]] 

[Drew]:  “Um? You- you must explain. I may cut this out of the story… but explain.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay. Okay, so here’s how it breaks down. So, both Fridahn and P have the spells Invisibility.” 

[Drew]:  “All right, that checks out.” 

[Jordan]:  “Now, one of us is going to cast that on Niffun and the other one is going to cast it on self. I cannot be the one that casts it on self because, as soon as I get headbutt, I take damage and activate my Fade Away feat. Also turning me invisible, so all three of us are effectively invisible.” 

[Drew]:  “Ohhhh.  Alright.” 

[Caitie]:  “You’ve gotta plan for everything!”

[Drew]:  Sarcastically “Man, I had not planned anything for invisibility, go on.” 

[[Jordan laughs]]

[Caitie]:  Chuckles  “Oh God, oh no.”  

[Drew]:  “No no no no no, you’re fine, do it.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh boy.”

[Drew]:  “Go on, it’ll be fine.” 

[Jordan]: Enthusiastically “Nah I’m sticking to it. I’m not regretting this decision at all. I’m riding this high.” 

[Christina]:  Slightly less enthused  “Yep.” Normally  “So I’m going to say that as, as… Do invisible creatures get to see each other, or do we just know about like where we are ourselves?  Thinking about it…”

[Drew]:  “I will, for the sake of like convenience, say you guys can see each other.”

[Jordan]:  “Perfect.” 

[Christina]:  “OK, so Fridahn leads the way and he’s going to like dance like along with like the rave music like like the hands in the air kind of thing as you guys are walking along. Just jammin out in order to like dodge people as we’re like trying to make our way over there.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright. Um… I will say I’m going to- the DC is not going to be very high, but I’ll say like roll me…you can roll me either a raw charisma check or an athletics check.”

[Christina]:  “Okay.”

[Drew]:  “Athletics would be kind of like elbowing your way through, Charisma would just be kind of like just riding the vibe of ‘party’ in the room to get through there.” 

[Christina]:  “You said it would be raw charisma?”

[Drew]:  “Yeah.”

[Jordan]:  “I wonder what the bard is going to do.” 

[Drew]:  “Who can tell?” 

[Christina]:  Arrogantly “Well, so that’s a 19 on the die plus five, so that will be a 24 please.” 

[Jordan]:  “Hah!!”

[Drew]:  “Um you, you cut through the crowd like butter like a hot knife through butter like you… You seamlessly just like, like, just going through like you’re- you’re matching everyone’s dance moves, you’re going through on the tempo. At one point, even though no one can see you. You feel like a couple of people are dancing in unison with you.” 

[Christina]:  Giggles “God, I love this.” 

[Drew]:  “And as you reach the threshold of what of the kind of like skybox VIP section-  Um, you step over a line and you feel kind of a tingling flow throughout your body, and you notice that there is a line on the floor like kind of like you know, there’s kind of an archway, walkway through that’s like leads up to the stairs into that area, and you notice that like as you step in you step directly on said line and you become fully visible. You look down at the line and it is null crystal, something that’s kind of a full of anti-magical properties.” 

[Jordan]:  “Can Niffun and myself try and notice this happening and react so we can retain our own invisibility?” 

[Drew]:  “You may roll… I feel like I’m rolling way too many perception checks, but you can roll a perception check to notice that.” 

[Jordan]:  “16”

[Caitie]:  “Hah! Fuck yeah!  20 on the die!!”

[Jordan]:  “Yes!!”

[Caitie]:  “Wait, 20-”

[Jordan]:  “You both notice wait what?”

[Caitie]:  “25.”

[Drew]:  “Oh 25.” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, it’s a natural 20.” 

[Drew]:  “I thought you said 5 like-”

[Caitie]:  “No!”

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah, you both like fully notice that yeah, but so as you turn visible, the guard turns over to you.”

[Christina]:  Nonplussed “Okay.”

[Drew]:  “And he doesn’t even look mad. He’s just like,”

[Guard]:  “Oh so…it’s your first time here eh bud? 

[Fridahn]:  “You know how it can be.” 

[Guard 1]:  “No no, I get like you know you wanna get in the VIP section. But yeah, you can’t really just sneak up in there my dude. But, if you will direct your attention over to that wall there-”

[Drew]:  “He, he points at a sign and there’s a sign pretty much outlines there’s a nightly competition and the group that parties the hardest can win free tickets into the VIP section.” 

[Christina]:  “Mmm, I see.”

[Drew]:  “It’s almost like some kind of encounter designed around the party group… that parties real hard.”

[Caitie]:  “Huh!”  

[Jordan]:  “So I see one of two possibilities to happen here. Either, either Niffun and myself turn visible, and we do the Friday Night nonsense or we stay invisible and elevate Fridahn’s party game to an unseen level the likes of which these fuckers have never seen before.” 

[Christina]: “Both, why not both?” 

[Caitie]:  “¿Por qué no los dos?”

[Jordan]:  “Because one involves us becoming visible, the other involves becoming invisible, so we can only do one.” 

[Christina]:  “I think we can start off with one and then transfer to the other.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay nevermind that’s sick as fuck.”

[Christina]:  Evil snickers  “It’s almost like your girl knows how to party sometimes… sometimes during the year. I don’t get to use any of that party energy in real life, so, let’s do it.”  Laughs 

[Drew]: Sadly  “Haha.  We’re all in quarantine.” 

[Caiite]:  “Ah yeah.”

[Christina]: “So he looks at the sign and he looks back at the two guards. He says,”

[Fridahn]:  “Okay, when- when does this competition get judged?” 

[Guard 1]:  “Well, it usually tends to go to…”

[Drew]:  “And he looks at his watch.” 

[Guard 1]:  “Right about nowish.”

[Drew]:  “And then you hear Chauncey in the DJ booth. Um, the music kinda like cuts out for a second. Like,”

[Chauncey]:  “Alright, everybody yeah yeah you know pump up your jams and such. Yeah you guys are doing a really good job of dancing an- but now it’s time for the nightly party competition. So we’re gonna see who can fuckin’ rock out the hardest? You know who can really get into it?”

[[Sick rave beat takes over]] 

[Chauncey]:  “We wanna see who can vive da hardest with my sick, nasty Boney Boy jams, yay!”

[Drew]:  “And like the people cheer even though that was very awkward because he’s a very awkward speaker but an amazing DJ.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, so- so Fridahn is going to immediately cheer along with everyone, but like really excited like-like really excited for this. He’s going to the wink at the guards and be like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Okay guys, you will see how, how I can do.”

[Christina]:  “And then begin heading over towards the- towards the dance floor expecting the other two to follow after him.” 

[Drew]:  “As you walk off one of the guards go-”

[Guard 2]:  “Alright. Good luck man. Also, don’t try to sneak in again. I do have to eat you if you do it.” 

[Jordan]:  “In what context?” 

[[All chuckle]]

[Jordan]:  “Either kinky or upsetting or both.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh I know right?”

[Drew]:  “He does not clarify.” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, I was about to say what Fridahn actually does is he just winks at him again.” 

[Drew]:  Sighs  “I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna ask for this check, but I feel obligated to. Give me a-”

[Christina]:  Giggling  “Persuasion check?” 

[Drew]:  Crestfallen  “Give me a persuasion check.”   

[Christina]: “Okay.”

[Jordan]:  “Come on bard, how horney are ya?” 

[Christina]:  “Oh, you’re not gonna. You’re not gonna like that.”  Laughs  “Okay so I’m not. I’m not joking when I say this, that’s a 27.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh, he horny!” 

[Drew]:  “Noooooo.” 

[Caitie]:  “Girl.  You are rolling hot tonight.”

[Drew]:  “The guard blushes and like looks away from you. He gets very flustered and nervous and goes-”

[Guard 2]:  Speaks nervous gibberish

[Drew]:  “And will not make eye contact with you anymore.” 

[Jordan]:  “So for clarification, like how big is this dance floor area in which we have to party hard?” 

[Drew]:  “It’s a pretty expansive like dance floor.  Like think your average dance club like area.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, for someone who doesn’t go outside like….ever, can you put that in square footage for me?” 

[Drew]:  “We’ll say it’s a probably about like a 60 foot like radius is like the dance floor itself. With like other areas of the club. Kind of like coming in to add additional square footage. 

[Christina]:  “Important other additional question, what else is in this club? Like is it- Are there any fires like torches along the sides, lighting like kind of giving ambiance, what’s going on?” 

[Drew]:  “Um, so you’re seeing a lot of lighting that seems to be kind of like, like this- like this place is artificed out to hell. Like a lot of the the lighting is provided by like what looks to be like like lightning bolts or something like that have been trapped within these tubes running throughout the building to create kind of a neon effect. You see, like a- like I said, You see a lot of vampires. You see the kind of steampunk DJ booth with Chauncey in it. Again, you see this  weird like seems almost out of place, but like everyone seems like, to kind of let him be in that like he’s probably a regular here this unicorn that’s just like hardcore vibing and like moonwalking and shit. And he- as like, as the party competition kind of like picks up everyone kind of starts trying to like do their showiest dance moves.  You see like, like one dude straight up starts breakdancing and he’s like pretty decent. The unicorn somehow does the worm and you’re like not really sure how he was able to do that. But everyone cheers about it. 

[[Crowd cheering]]

[Unicorn]:  Deep voice “Yeah I’m the fucking best!”

[Fridahn]:  Nonplussed  “Hm, impressive.”

[Jordan]:  “How close is the unicorn to the break dancing guy?”

[Drew]:  “They’re about 30 feet apart.”

[Jordan]:  “Damn it!  Alright, who’s the bigger threat break dancer or the worm ‘cause I can take one of them out right now.”

[Drew]:  “The unicorn seems more like he’s got like a little bit of a following.” 

[Niffun]:  “Let’s go for the horny boy over there!”

[P]:  “I was thinking the same thing.” Pauses  “Let’s go down on the horny boy.” 

[Jordan]:  “And he makes his way over towards the unicorn. And once I am within we’ll say 5 feet of him or so, just to make sure I get like a nice even radius, I cast Grease.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, give me the description on Grease there.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, so one important thing to note. It does have a material component of butter, so I do imagine that P fully just pulls out loose butter from his pocket and slaps it on the ground just fun detail for you. I’m sure you’ll love it.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh.”

[Drew]:  “Neat.”

[Jordan]:  “As for the wording, slick grease covers the ground in a 10 foot square centered on a point within range- 60 feet -and turns it into difficult terrain for the duration. When the grease appears, each creature standing in its area must succeed on a dexterity saving throw-”

[Chirstina]:  “Love it.”

[Jordan]:  “-or fall prone and a creature that enters the area or ends its turn there must also succeed on dexterity saving throw or fall prone.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, I’m going to roll a dex check for that unicorn.” 

[Jordan]:  “As he tries to dance the worm on butter.” 

[Drew]:  “So as he’s like doing the worm, you cast Grease and for a little bit, it seems like the grease is like really messing him up. He does stop doing the worm and kind of like does that little kind of like that little scramble step that you see like a four legged animal do where like they can’t get like solid footing. But eventually he like flips his hair, he is wearing sunglasses and so like a little bit of light catches on the sunglasses and give you that little like glint and he starts doing like almost like a roller skate like boogie nights type dance and everyone is very impressed because he rolled a natural 20 and he’s just rolling with it. So every, like everyone is like- oh no!  And then he recovers and he looks great like he looks fant- he looks majestic.” 

[P]:  “Oh no, I made him stronger!” 

[Drew]:  “Like when you see someone that’s like too attractive and it makes you angry. Just like damn, unicorn!”

[P]:  “I’m going to fuck this unicorn but in the unsexy way. 

[Christina]: “So unless, unless there’s something that you wanted to do Niffun then I have a… idea.”

[Caitie]:  “Go for it. I’ve got nothing.”

[Christina]:  “Okay, so I’m gonna kind of scout- I’m going to kind of scout out the area for a second and then kind of make like if there’s a little space that I can get into and pull out my violin and you know how there are those videos of people that are doing those really sick dance moves while they’re playing the violin?”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.”

[Christina]:  “So what, what Fridahn is going to do is play the violin alongside with everything that’s going on to the beat of this thing and start doing like- like initially like a slower but speeding up kind of dance.” 

[Drew]:  “Right roll me a Performance Check.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, that is an 18.”

[Drew]:  “Alright so. You’re not able to pull all of the attention off of the unicorn, but you’re doing pretty damn good like you’ve got like some serious ‘Cotton Eyed Joe’ vibes going. And a lot of people are kind of like pulling from like the unicorn’s corner to like come in like vibe out and jam out with you. But that does also catch his attention and he does like while still doing his very like cool slide boogie nights dance starts to like come over you and like looks like he’s acknowledging you as his party opponent.”

[Christina]:  Snickers  “Perfect.”

[Fridahn]:  “Wouldn’t have it any other way!”

[Niffun]:  “Fuck up the unicorn, I’ve got somebody else!”

[Caitie]:  “Nope, I just can’t keep up the voice I wanted to do for him.”

 but. 

[Jordan]: “P’s gonna go over to invisible Niffun and say.” 

[P]:  “Alright, I see this going one of two ways. Do you wanna be Fridahn’s sideboy? While I amp you up? Or do you want me to fuck up the unicorn?”

[Niffun]:  “No, man, I’m good.” 

[Caitie]:  “No, that’s still not it.” 

[P]:  “Alright, by the way do you need a lozenge, you sound rough man.”

[[Everyone laughs]] 

[P]:  “I mean, I have some leftover butter if you want.” 

[Drew]:  “Ah yes, butter. The ultimate cure all.” 

[Caitie]:  “Fuck up the unicorn fam.” 

[Jordan]:  “Niffun’s in there somewhere.  Alright, if, if we’re still trying to keep with fuck up the unicorn alright, then I am going to use Ray of Sickness on it and try and fuck him up that way.  Since butter didn’t work.”

[Drew]:  “Hah.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, so a ray of sickening green energy lashes out towards a creature within range. Make a- wait,  hold on a second. Did the… Yeah, it’s an attack roll on my end. Real quick just occurred to me, did the, did the orc say-”

[Drew]:  “The ogre.”

[Jordan]:  “Or whoever the guy is guarding Drac, an ogre, okay.”  

[Drew]:  “The guy who is guarding Drac, is a vampire.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, did he make any implication that I might have heard that what I’m about to do would be a bad idea because I am now visible again?” 

[Drew]:  “Oh, if you are visible again like no, you would be held responsible for any actions that you make. Like no one, like you were invisible. No one noticed that you did the Grease, like pretty, pretty much people just kind of chalk that up to like you know, it’s a dance hall, people sweat and all that kind of shit, you are now visible.” 

[Jordan]:  “I-I just remembered I was no longer invisible, so…so do you wanna get high? Or do you wanna get big?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, you know, let’s let’s make it big, baby.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, then I’m going to use my last second level spell of the day to cast Enlarge on Fridahn.” 

[Christina]:  “Perfect.” 

[Jordan]:  “Which I’m pretty sure would also make Niffun visible because I had to break concentration on the invisibility spell that I had in order to do this. But at this point it feels more worth it.” 

[Christain]:  “Mhm.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, but you can like dance atop big Fridahn!” 

[Caitie]:  “Nice.” 

[Drew]:  “And so Niffun does like pop into invisibility. And I’ll say, the Guard. Like you know, the guard that’s guarding Drac does like clock both of you turning visible, but like he’s used to a lot of shenanigans and as long as you haven’t like caused anyone damage he’s just like, eh, you know it’s whatever.  Alright, so Fridahn becomes large boy.” 

[Christina]:  “Which is not that big comparatively since I’m only a halfling.”

[Jordan]:  “I am making Fridahn a big boy.”

[Christina]:  “I am more noticeable.” 

[[Pause]]

[Drew]:  “So give me another performance check, this time with advantage. This will be our last check as kind of a roll off just to see who pulls it out here in the end, OK?” 

[Christina]:  “24 and… 25.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, that’s fully you like that- that beats it.  So, what happens is like the unicorn like comes over. He’s like, he kind of like shakes his hair out of the way like,”

[Unicorn]:  “I guess you’re the guy who’s gonna try to unseat me from my party throne.  I’ve won those VIP tickets every night for six months. There’s no way you’re beating me and he’s like he’s dancing his god damned heart out. He’s putting his absolute all into it and as you enlarge like it draws all the attention into you and like you just bust out this like sick ass fiddle routine that somehow goes perfectly with the techno music. Again, very heavy ‘Cotton Eyed Joe’ vibes.” 

[Christina]:  “Fiddle-in”

[Drew]:  “And somehow just the raw power of the music like flows through everyone and like they all start like like they feel like they do this coordinated dance, but that wasn’t practiced. It’s like a musical.” 

[Christina]: “Hell yeah.” 

[Drew]:  “And when it all ends, everyone is super super impressed. Chancey he gets on the, you know, cuts the music for a bit and is like,” 

[Chauncey]:  “Well, I think it’s uh, I guess pretty clear who’s…who’se won our partying competition. Ending-ending the reign of Mr. Axeldax sorry Dax.”

[Drew]:  “And like the unicorn like, looks kind of like pissed like stomps his hoof and then just goes-”

[Unicorn]:  “Ugh!”

[Drew]:  “And then like runs off.”

[Caitie]:  “Nice.” 

[Drew]:  “And Chauncey kind of like tosses you guys an envelope that has the tickets in it and the guard kind of like waves at you over from across the room.” 

[Christina]: “Yeah, so I guess we go over officially this time.” 

[Jordan]:  “Real quick before we do that, I just need to make sure I heard that right. Christina did you save fiddle-in as in like fiddle, and, Fridahn.” 

[Drew]:  “Fridahn the Fiddler.” 

[Christina]:  “Well, I meant it as a fiddle and violin because he has a violin, not a fiddle, but sure we’ll go with the second one that you said ’cause I like that.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh God no, I’ve created my own evil.” 

[Drew]:  “Fridah-lin.  Great.  Fridah-lin sounds like a drug. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? Do you feel constipation?”

[[All laugh]] 

[Drew]:  “You might be a candidate for Fridah-lin.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh boy.”

[Jordan]:  “I thought you meant like illegal drugs I didn’t realize you meant like prescription sleep aid!”

[Drew]:  “What? No!”

[Jordan]:  “Hey kid, want some Fridah-lin?”

[Christina]: “Love it.” 

[Drew]:  “No like the street- that like if it was a, a street drug it’d have like a street name like- hey want some of that Fridge boy.” 

[Jordan]:  “Fridah-lin, or as it is known on the street- Friday.” 

[Drew]:  “That is what they would call it too.  You trying to have some Friday night fun- pal?” 

[Jordan]:  “Alright, I’m, I’m done derailing us. Please, please keep going.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, so you guys make your way over to the guard. And the guard’s like,”

[Guard 2]:  “Wow, you guys really like a, you know pulled it out there… you know congratulations and you guys can go up into the VIP section. Fun fact about that, actually the, the owner of the club is in there tonight so you know that would be pretty cool.”

[Drew]:  “And Christina, he kind of leans over to you. He’s like,”

[Guard 2]:  “And if you want to come hang out with me later. I mean you know you don’t have to. I mean, that’s – that’s crazy anyway, but like you know, if you wanted to you, you could and like you know, ’cause like you know, get off in a couple hours if you if you like. If you wanted that, that’s that’s that’s fine. If you want it, you don’t have to, but you could if you wanted to.”

[Drew]:  “And he quickly realizes that he’s like he’s like really awkwarding this up and he just kind of like looks away from you red face like,”

[Guard 2]:  “Anyway, go on ahead.”

[Caitie]:  “Right, yes, I love it. Thank you.”

[Christina]:  “Awww.” 

[Caitie]:  “At this point like Niffun puts his hand on Fridahn’s butt and just kind of like layers at the, at the bouncer as they walk by.” 

[[Drew and Christina chuckle]]

[Jordan]:  “P puts his hand on the other cheek and does the same.” 

[[Drew and Christina laugh more]]

[Drew]:  “One of you roll me an intimidation check with advantage.” 

[Jordan]:  “Please tell me you have positive charisma ’cause if not I have to do it and I don’t wanna do it. 

[Caitie]:  “Let me see.”

[Jordan]:  “If you have plus anything to charisma you’d be better than I am.”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah I have a plus one to charisma.” 

[Jordan]:  “You roll it!” 

[Caitie]:  “Okay. 21!” 

[[Christina busts out laughing]]

[Drew]:  “How many of these are we gonna roll?! Why is it when I’m DM’ing?!  All of these natural 20’s.” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh my god!!”

[Christina]:  “That was a nat 20?!”

[Drew]:  “The guard notices this like he clocks this whole thing and he’s like,”

[Guard 2]:  “I could never compete with all that.”

[Drew]:  “And looks sad. As you guys entered Drac’s later. 

[Jordan]:  “I feel nothing for him!”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, baby, get it!” 

[Jordan]:  “Nothin but contempt!”

[Drew]:  “Wow okay.”

[P]:  “This is my butt!”

[Drew]: “Oh God.” 

[Jordan]:  “Anyway please continue.”

[Drew]:  “You guys entered the office er not the office, but guys enter the the VIP section. I don’t know why I keep saying office. But you guys enter the VIP section. It looks like it’s pretty chill. Like you know it’s got like you know there’s already like a bottle of like chilled champagne in the center is kind of one of those like uh, like it goes up in an elevated section, but like it’s it’s very circular and its construction. I’m kind of like one of those like 70s like you know they had those recesses that had like couches in them, like kind of arranged circle and then it was like a coffee table like that sort of thing.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh, I’ll show you the 70s baby.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh boy.”

[Caitie]:  “All seven of all seven of deez!” 

[[Record scratch]]

[Drew]: “What would you have seven of?!” 

[Jordan]:  “What are you implying?!” 

[Drew]:  “Is it penises?” 

[[All laugh]]

[Drew]:  “You have 7 penises!?”

[[Everyone laughs harder]]

[Drew]:  “You have to tell me if you have 7 penises. You’re required by law.” 

[Caitie]: “At this point, Saithe pokes her head around the corner and just holds up like a bloody sack and hands it to Niffun.”

[Jordan]:  “Stop throwing the main campaign into this!  I’m the one that has to think about the continuity!”

[Drew]:  “No.”   

[[Caitie maniacally laughs]]

[Drew]:  “I threw in SaitheI as an Easter egg. She’s not there. You don’t see her. She’s already long gone.” 

[Jordan]:  “This random bloody bag  just showed up and we have no idea where it came from.” 

[Caitie]:  “And it’s just full of dicks!”

[Drew]:  “Noooo!” 

[[Jordan laughs]]

[Drew]:  “There’s a- there’s a note on the bag that says: Don’t ask questions -Saithe.” 

[[Caitie laughs]]

[Drew]:  “No, the bag doesn’t exist, but that’s a fun bit.”

[[Club music resumes]]

[Drew]:  “Alright. So you get like, you get to the VIP section. You know these luxurious like big puffy couches and stuff. And-” 

[Jordan]:  “Schrodinger’s bag of dicks”

[Drew]:  “There is no bag of dicks, I will not allow the bag of dicks. I have to- I have to have some lines.”

[Christina]:  “Oh boy.”

[Drew]:  “I have to have some boundaries. So you you get a little VIP section, it’s super fucking nice or whatever.”

[[Drew and Jordan laugh]] 

[Drew]:  “And you notice they are very well dressed vampire in a full on like 3 piece suit sitting there. You can presume he is Drac. He’s kind of like sipping on a bottle of red liquid, which we can only assume to be some kind of like blood or blood substitute, as it does seem to have like some kind of fizz going in it. And like you know, he’s very, he’s very well dressed, but like he’s a little bit disheveled like he’s been running around a lot. Or like, he’s like he’s in some kind of a state there, like his tie is loosened his like his hair is slicked back, but like it was kind of like escaped from that sort of, uh, way. He’s trying to put it where like he’s got like a lot of loose strands going everywhere, and he sees you guys and he’s like,” 

[Drac]:  “Hello I am I am Drac. Welcome to- welcome to my club. Welcome to the VIP section. You’re not, you’re not Drax. Usually it is Drax.” 

[Christina]:  “Can I roll insight to see if he’s disheveled because he’s stressed or disheveled because of *clears throat* other means? 

[Drew]:  “Yes, yes you may.”

[Christina]:  “Okay, 17.”

[Drew]:  “You can kind of glean that, like he’s dishevelled due to some kind of distress, like something like, and you can’t really pin down, but like it’s like it’s when you see someone and they say, like you know, like, Oh, you alright?  Like Yeah, I’m fine! But you can see in the back of their eyes that they’re not like something’s going on in his personal life.” 

[Christina]:  “Gotcha, okay! Uh so… so Fridahn kind of gives him a look of a little bit of concern. Like you know you would for almost like a friend it’s like oh what’s wrong? You know, you know you can tell me and he takes a step forward. He’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, I’m sorry that we were not who you were expecting but we heard about your, your club and it is absolutely amazing, but I mean it’s- it seems as though you know you. You could use a shoulder to to talk to as as I think the saying goes.” 

[Drac]:  “I-I could not possibly you are, you are a customer here. You are a guest and I will admit I have my own eh-” 

[Drew]:  “And he kind of like looks off like-”

[Drac]:  “-personal”  clears his throat 

[Drew]:  “Like it looks like he’s kind of fighting back tears.”

[Drac]:  “-matters to deal with, but it, it’s fine! Drac is fine!  You know it- you know we’re having a party, party Drac eh, yeah…”

[Caitie]:  “Aw.” 

[Drew]:  “And like again very visibly like biting back some kind of tears.”

[Christina]:  “Awww.”. 

[P]:  “Look man, if all you wanted was horse cock give me 8 hours I can cast enlarge again.” 

[Drew]:  “Drac looks at- Drac looks at you and he’s like,”

[Drac]:  “Okay, so I find him upsetting.  In many ways.” 

[P]:  “I get that alot.” 

[Christina]:  “Fridahn pats, pats P on the shoulder. He’s just like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Whispered, through gritted teeth  “Cut it out.” 

[Christina]:  “And he looks back. He’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Do not, do not mind him. Now please you know it would you we can we can talk. I do not want you to feel distressed or or you know feel as though there is something in the way of the party as as you know you cannot party if there is…there is something that is bothering you. I mean, you have to talk about it.”

[Niffun]:  “This place is a place of great party. Of good fun. You should have fun too, yes.  Meesa meesa think so.” 

[Drew]:  “No!”

[Jordan]:  “Woah woah woah, hold on. Are you going Jar Jar in this shit? I’m gonna stop you now.” 

[[Caitie is laughing]]

[Christina]:  “Oh, goodness, gracious.” 

[Drew]:  “Take a d4 of psychic damage for daring to bring Jar Jar into my world.” 

[Caitie]:  “You guys can’t pretend I didn’t sound just like him.”

[Drew]:  “No.”

[Christina]:  “A little bit yeah, that was pretty good.”

[Jordan]:  That’s the problem!” 

[Drew]:  “Ugh!”

[Christina]:  “I’m trying to persuade him to talk to us so we can get back to partying. Pretty much is what he’s, what he’s implying.” 

[Drew]:  “Give me a persuasion check then.” 

[Christina]:  “So that’s a non Nat 20.” 

[Drew]:  “I should not have planned such a RP heavy session when there was a bard involved. Just going to cut through everything with zero effort.” 

[Jordan]:  “To be fair, I’ve been hindering her every step of the way.”

[Drew]:  “Very true.” 

[Christina]:  “Just the occasional- ‘Cut it out! No.” Laughs

[Drew]:  “Uh, so Drac kind of like he takes a second like,”

[Drac]:  “Alright, but you know, I, I don’t know why, but I I trust you. OK so. I may wait. Wait, you guys aren’t like you know the cops or something right? You have to tell me if you are cops. 

[Christina]:  “He he just puts his hand on his shoulder as he goes to sit down with him. He’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “No, no, do not, do not worry.” 

[P]:  “Do we look like cops to you buddy?” 

[Drac]:  “No, you look. You in particular look like you have crawled from underneath rock and seem like you are hell bent on robbing everyone of their sanity.” 

[P]:  “Wow, that’s a good read!” 

[Drac]:  “I am very perceptive.  But the the problem is. Well it is. It is my ladylove Medusa. She has. She has been cavorting with the Wolf Man. And I cannot stand this indignity. I have not heard from her in von, two, three days!” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh God. 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, fucking deal with that.” 

[Drac]:  “But and you know, I, I will admit, this is not strictly, you know, above board, but I haven’t technically done anything yet, so it is not illegal, but I may have been hiring some extra skeleton muscle in kind of preparation to maybe go and do attack on the werewolves.”

[Fridahn]:  “I see. So you, you would like to to prove that you are, are strong enough for this for this lady love of yours.” 

[Drac]:  “Exactly I, you know. I mean, I put in the put in the time I put in the effort. You know, I tried to keep things spontaneous, you know, I thought I tried to be romantic with them and and then she goes in the arms of this, this is hairy beast man! Wait. Wait wait wait wait I have plan it this could be even better yes yes yes yes. You three. You are you. You seem capable. Maybe. Yeah, maybe you go talk to Wolf Man, you know, maybe you know, maybe you say certain things to Wolf Man, like I can’t tell you what to say, maybe you know you threaten to break his little wolfy legs if it’s they don’t stay away from my girlfriend, yeah.” 

[[Caitie burps…loudly]]

[Jordan]:  “Was that in or out of character?” 

[[Christina and Caitie chuckle]]

[Christina]:  “Please be in character. 

[Caitie]:  “Let’s say in.  Let’s say it’s in character.” 

[Drew]:  “So you you burp like right next to Drac.  Drac like looks over at you and- Drac looks over you and like kind of like a semi serious like look comes over his face.” 

[Drac]:  “Okay. I’m… And I know I’m in kind of an emotional state.”

[[Christina laughs nervously]]

 So I’m going to kind of make you aware of the kind of situation you’re in.”

[Drew]:  “And he he snaps his fingers and immediately from the shadows like 6 vampires come out, all of which seem to be like just jacked to shit like-”

[Drac]:  “So, yeah.” 

[Caitie]:  “He slowly moves the bottle of champagne like behind like the chair of the table…the chair of the table wow.  The leg of the table like-”. 

[Drew]:  “The chair of the table.” 

[Caitie]:  “The chair of the table.” 

[Jordan]:  “All chairs are sold out to their tables.” 

[Christina]:  “I mean, we’re in the VIP room. We won the tickets. You’re allowed to have the champagne.”

[Caitie]:  Snickers  “But the whole bottle?!”

[P]:  “Yeah, may not be my place to say, but I mean, try talking to your girl about this whole thing maybe I don’t know. Just saying.” 

[Drac]:  “You think I have not tried this already? I don’t even know where she is, but I bet that stupid Wolf Man knows this dumb fucking face in this fucking muscular body like like who has time to be at the gym that much you know, loser you know. 

[P]:  “Alright alright this is getting a little bit too horney.  Why don’t you just give us the deets and we’ll talk to your girl for you buddy.”

[Drac]:  “He has. He has a biker bar outside of town is stupid.” 

[Jordan]:  “P tries so hard to hide his excitement.” 

[Drac]:  “Just go to there. Just go to there and get him to leave my lady alone and if you can find out where she is I miss her.”

[Drew]:  “He like pulls like a dead flower off his lapel and kind of looks at it pensively.” 

[Niffun]:  “Honestly, man. She doesn’t sound very worth it.” 

[Drew]:  “As you say, honestly, she doesn’t sound very worth it. He looks at you and like all of that, like you know, like sad Lover Boy, Puppy Energy like dies away and he gets very intense and he’s like,”

[Drac]:  “Are you insulting her?”

[Drew]:  “And as he says so like you can kind of notice that like all of those jacked to shit vampires start to like palm for some things in their jackets.” 

[Christina]:  “No, no no!  Fridahn immediately is trying to distract from this he’s like,” 

[Fridahn]:  “Do not mind him, he does not know what he says he has never been in that kind of a relationship to know that your, your own lady love means so much when it is. It’s you that is going through this pay him no mind. He he does not understand.” 

[Niffun]:  “No but what I’m really saying-” 

[[Smooching sound effect]]

[Jordan]:  “P is going to immediately try and catch Fridahn’s hint and just start like viscerally making out with Niffun, just to keep his lips busy.” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, okay, well he just kind of melts into it like I’m I’m not gonna say no.  Alright.” 

[Jordan]:  “Damn straight you ain’t.  You in the P boat now.” 

[[Drew laughs and Niffun makes an approving make out sound]]

[Jordan]:  “So you just see this gross svirfneblin making out with his dirty goblin boy.” 

[Drew]:  Chuckling “So that- so it’s kind of like it’s like I’m trying to say if you deserve better-”

And and Drac’s just like,”

[Drac]:  “Okay, you do you. But go go do my job now please. Or you know I know I have my boys here. Yeah thank you apart. You know, maybe you’ll never return home. Maybe no one knows where you went, you know?” 

[Christina]: “Fridahn, Fridahn just pats him on the arm gently again. Being cautious of the fact that they are now six. Very, very muscular vampires in the room. And he says,”

[Fridahn]:  “Do not worry. Would should we find you here after we we do some some searching.” 

[Drac]:  “Good. Well go on now.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, and he just kind of grabs both of the other two like croo of their arm and just walks out like,”

[Fridahn]:  To them “We’re going.” 

[Jordan]:  “I make sure to keep my lips locked on to Niffun until we’re out of the room.”

[Christina]: Observationally “This group survives on, on Fridahn’s charisma alone.” 

[Drew]:  “As you exit the room and like, are like making out the guard from downstairs like just looks up and like catches at the end of that and is like,”

[Guard 1]:  Sighs  “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” 

[[All chuckle]]

[Drew]:  “Alright, so as you make your way out of the the blood vessel as it is called you kind of like you know Chauncey gives you a little bit of a wave kind of on the down low again he’s not sure if he wants to know you guys but you guys seem like you’re pretty cool so he’s willing to take that risk.”

[Christina]:  “Fridahn winks.”

[Drew]:  “You guys make your way outside of The Blood Vessel, and it’s not very hard to kind of find the the path to the the biker bar where the the Werewolves tend to hang out. The town’s kind of big but not like overbearingly so. You can use like you know like just general landmarks in maps and such to find your way over. And as you do, you come up to kind of a ramshackle sort of shack, or like on the edge of town. Um, there’s a big old sign above that’s just kind of like it looks like just kind of like hastily hand painted on to say ‘Cheep Booze Heer’ and it is horribly misspelled. Like here is spelled with two E’s and cheap is also spelled with two E’s.” 

[Jordan]:  “A-Andrew, I hate to tell you this. Here as you’re using it is spelled with two E’s.” 

[[All laugh]]

[Drew]:  …It is spelled with a double E. No, it’s spelled HEER this. 

[Caitie]:  “Here is spelled with two E’s.” 

[Drew]: Playfully  “Fucking hate you guys.” 

[Jordan]:  “Anyway, we’re at the biker bar.” 

[Drew]:  “Right so you, you guys entered into the biker bar. There’s no like bouncer or anything, it’s not like as a you know it’s not like you meant to be like kind of an exclusive place. You come in and you are just like pelted with like this like raw guitar sounds as like you see that there’s like a uh a tiefling that’s performing on stage. And like every like, everyone’s like you know, this kind of jam along those vibes there you see, like mostly it looks like you know, like some kind of hairy human guys, you can kind of clock as werewolves, but you also see like you know, like you see like some like some some half giants and shitlike that like just like. So just mainly just like, like gnarlier dude type guys all who seem to be in kind of a biker apparel. And you kind of scan the crowd, you don’t see anyone who visibly looks like they would be the The Wolf Man.” 

[Christina]:  “Okay, so you said that we don’t see anyone that would immediately catch our eye as werewolf man. But there is a tiefling and there’s like some people playing like guitars but it does. Anyone in particular just seem like approachable in some kind of way? 

[Drew]:  “Everyone rolled me perception.”

[Christina]:  “There’s a lot of this.  I hope one of you got higher than me.” 

[Jordan]:  “Lucky #13” 

[Christina]:  “8.”

[Caitie]:  “I um…I rolled a 1.”

[Jordan]:  “13 is the one we’re relying on?? Shit!” 

[Drew]:  “So Caitie you’re relatively sure you’re in a building.”

[[All chuckle]]

[Drew]:  “Christina, you’re just like, ‘lot of dudes in here’ and nothing else like registers in your mind.  With the 13 we’ll say that like one you can at least intuit that of everyone in the bar it looks like the probably like the the person who knows the most people is the one who’s on stage receiving the most attention. And also again for this for a split second in the corner of the bar. You see, again, that new that tiefling girl who is new to the organization. Looks like she’s doing like looks like she’s there with like a bunch of like werewolf dudes playing that game where, like you stab a knife between your fingers and try not to flinch. And again, you like look right back like that. Can’t be her, can it? And again, she’s immediately gone. And also there’s like a werewolf guy with a knife in his hand calling out in pain. 

[Jordan]:  “P once again says nothing.” 

[Caitie]:  “Shit though seriously, this really does sound like shit Saithe would do.” 

[Jordan]:  “No one said Saithe.”

[Drew]:  “Yeah we didn’t say Saithe.”  

[Fridahn]:  “That’s great. So, Fridahn, is just kind of looking around the bar and he, he almost for a second looks a little bit like, off put because he’s so used to being in like more high class places like like the vampire bar and you just like other more like you know, restrictive kinds of access areas, so this is very strange for him to be in more of an indie style like bar where everyone just everyone, and so he really doesn’t really know where to begin and so he looks over at like either of them with the what the fuck are we supposed to do now look.” 

[Jordan]:  “P motions over to the front stage then says.” 

[P]:  “It looks like that dancer girl might be our best lead. Why don’t you get up there and talk to her while you show her some moves? 

[Drew]:  “Well, she’s not dancing, she’s uh, playing well, it looks to be an artificed electric lute.” 

[Christina]:  “Nice.”

[Caitie]:  “4th wall breaking.” 

[P]:  “I mean, either way, you’re still the most qualified, regardless of whether or not I was paying attention. 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, I see, I see yes, I-I get I get what you mean. Okay. Let’s let’s go see if we can. Gets a little closer if, as it were.” 

[Jordan]:  “I give him the athletic butt slap as he goes up.”

[Drew]:  “Alright.  Alright, so the crowd is pretty dense and they’re all pretty packed in to see this performer who now as you will get a like a little bit closer. You can see that there’s kind of like a handmade marquee by here that says 6 Fingered Meg.” 

[Jordan]:  “Wait wait wait! Fridahn! How epic of an entrance do you wanna make?” 

[Christina]:  “I mean, we’re the Friday Night Fun Pals. Let’s let’s do what we’re meant for.” 

[Jordan]:  “Cool I cast catapult!” 

[Christina]: “Oh my God!!”  Laughs

[Drew]:  “Oh.  My.  God.”

[[Quick chime]]

[Drew]:  “Editors note, we know the catapult spell is technically supposed to only be for objects. But we kind of house ruled it so that if the creature is friendly, then you can cast a spell catapult on them. Please continue enjoying the show.” 

[Christina]:  “Alright!”

[Jordan]: “We’re bypassing this crowd motherfuckers!” 

[Drew]:  Groaning “Oooooooooh.  Nooooo!  I had things planned for this!!”

[Jordan]:  “Not anymore there’s not!”  

[Drew]:  “Ughhhh, there was a whole thing with a mosh pit and shit!” 

[P]:  “Fly boss fly!!!”

[Drew]:  “UGGGGGH.”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Drew]:  “I forgot that spell existed ’cause it never comes in handy!”

[Jordan]:  “Wrong!” 

[Christina]:  “I love it. Alright, so what happens to me?” 

[Drew]:  Grumbling in a defeated tone  “Fridahn is catapulted onto the stage and is right next to Six Fingered Meg.” 

[Jordan]:  “Wow, I could shoot you up to 90 feet holy shit.” 

[Caitie]:  “She flies through the fucking wall.”

[[Christina laughs nervosly]] 

[Drew]:  “Roll me… like roll me plus your Spell Attack to try to miss. I’ll set a DC for not accidentally hitting Meg with a person.” 

[P]:  “You’ve got it boss.”

[Drew]:  “Maybe I can still have my thing.” 

[Jordan]:  “No you don’t, nat 20.”

[Caitie]:  “Jeesus!!”

[[Jordan laughs at Drew’s misfortune]]

[Drew]:  Defeated again  “Fridahn roll me a performance check.” 

[Christina]:  Giggling “That’s a 19.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright so you catapult through the air and like catch everyone’s attention for a second, they’re like- whoa. And as soon as you land like right next to Meg. There’s like a second of like the fuck?  And then you immediately bust your fiddle out and start jamming alongside her in perfect rhythm and everyone is just like,

[Crowd]:  “Yeah, fuck yeah!!”   

[Drew]:  “Like a bunch of people like fist bump each other like chest bump. One dude headbutts another dude just like out of excitement like it. It fully like gets on. And a mosh pit forms that would have been your obstacle to get there. But now, you catapulted over and you’ve circumvented that entire thing that I spent a lot of time on, that’s fine. 

[[Jordan and Caitie laugh]] 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, hold on so he backs up to Six Fingered Meg like you know like how some musicians will put their backs to each other as he’s playing on the violin and he-” 

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah you guys go back to back.” 

[Christina]:  “He like winks over at her before he does it and then while he’s playing, he like is going to Faerie Fire the crowd so that there is more like bright lights and stuff everywhere.” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeeeees!”

[Drew]:  “They go fucking nuts over that. So like your performance goes off- amazingly.  There are people like coming up to you afterwards, like offering to buy you a beer and stuff like that, and like you getting like high fives and all that kind of stuff. Meg kind of comes up to you. Now you can actually see why she’s called Six Fingered Meg. She has extra fingers on each hand. One extra finger on each hand.”

[Niffun]:  “Oh baby, what can you do with those?”

[Dew]:  “Meg looks at you and- give me a charisma check.” 

[Caitie]:  “Drew I’m sorry.”

[Drew]:  “No.” 

[Caitie]:  “Drew I’m so sorry.”

[Drew]:  “No.  No!!” 

[[Caitie laughs]]

[Drew]:  “Nooo!”

[[Christina and Jordan join in laughing]] 

[Drew]:  “That’s not fair!  I put so much effort into stuff!”

[Christina]:  “Oh my God.” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m sorry!”

[Jordan]:  “For everyone playing at home, have you gotten nat 20 bingo yet? Because apparently we fucking have.” 

[Drew]:  “Right, so like so- so Meg comes over she’s like about to like talk to Fridahn and you say that she kind of catches your eye, points at you, she’s like-” 

[Six Fingered Meg]:  “I’m gonna fuck you later. Stick around.”

[[Players laugh]] 

[Drew]:  “Goes back to Fridahn like,”

[Six Fingered Meg]:  “Hey. You play pretty good, you should talk to the boss. He’s in the back.”

[Drew]:  “And you notice a door that you didn’t notice before because all of your perception checks were terrible.” 

[Jordan]:  “I do fully fist pound Niffun knowing he’s gonna get some later.” 

[Drew]:  “You don’t get a chance to. After she tells Fridahn that she grabs Niffun and then holds him like a football and then goes off to a side room.” 

[[Caitie and Drew snicker]]

[Jordan]:  “Le me rephrase that. I punch at the air expecting a, like a fist bump.” 

[Drew]:  “And he’s gone!” 

[[Caitie laughs]]

[Drew]:  “It’s like that anime thing where like they do the little white outline of the missing character.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh. Oh my.” 

[Caitie]:  “I love it. Thank you.” 

[Christina]:  “Fridahn comes over and meets him for the fist bump.” 

[P]:  “Now, let’s go get laid ourselves.” 

[[Christina chuckles]]

[P]:  “Oh no wait, you meant the job didn’t you.  I’m sorry I’m sorry. 

[Christina]:  Chuckles again “Yes, Fridahn walks over and like and completes the fist bump like,”

[Fridahn]:  “We… we will catch up to him in a minutes… Well, let’s go see what is to see…” 

[Drew]:  “Yep, so you go over, you clock the backroom and you open up the door there. And there’s a guy kind of like he’s got like a little desk in there and you can tell this is like where he does like the numbers and orders like the casts of ale and beer and whatever. He’s got like a couple like notebooks open, but like they’re kind of like… He’s got like, it’s one of those organized chaos type systems that he has set up there. And you see a man he’s like he’s wolfed out. He seemed like he kind of just like generally stays that way that’s how he…he rolls. And he’s got like a little name plate at his desk that says Kevin.” 

[Jordan]:  “Don’t say nerd, don’t say nerd, don’t say nerd!” 

[Drew]:  “And so like he kind of like sees you enter the office and he’s like-” 

[Kevin]:  “Hey man what’s up, I’m uh I’m Kev they called me the Wolfman.” 

[Christina]:  “So Fridahn has his hand over P’s mouth-”

[Jordan]:  “Smart.”

[Christina]:  “-as he goes to introduce himself. He’s like he’s like.”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, it is nice to miss you Kev. My name is Fridahn and I was told to come back here after playing with Six Fingered Megan that you may want to talk to us.” 

[Kev]:  “Yeah, bro. I heard that out there that was that was pretty freaking metal if I do say so myself. Yeah, like you, you interested in a job or anything like that?  Like well, what what brings you back here man?

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, I mean, you know, maybe. We are just looking through the town and seeing…seeing what all there is to offer, you know?”

[Christina]:  “And he kind of looks around at all the disheveled mess and he kind of, kind of cocks his head a little bit as he continues, saying he’s like-”

[Fridahn]:  “But so you know, I mean as far as it’s playing goes I, I love to play that is my passion. But I mean, it seems like you… You’ve been having some struggles maybe? From not to not to offend. Of course, but so I mean…”

[Christina]:  “He just kind of looks around the office as he kind of drops off the rest of his statement.” 

[Kev]:  “But no I mean, like I’m not I’m not the most organized guy, obviously and you know this place. You know it’s not like he’s not some, like you know, some big corporate type gig or whatever, but you know it’s not the kind of thing I’m into you know, yeah, we make enough to get by, and that’s yeah. That’s how I wrote bro. This place is awesome.” 

[Christina]:  “As he says this place is awesome. Can I do another insight check to see if like he’s actually feeling that way or-”

[Drew]:  “Yeah, do me an insight check.” 

[P]:  “Can I while that’s going on and my mouth is covered roll perception to see if I can like see anything in this room of note other than the mess?” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, sure.” 

[Christina]:  “I mean, I got a 15 so I mean, it’s good, but not great.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, you could tell Wolfman is genuinely happy with the situation. Jordan would you say you got?”

[Jordan]:  “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

[Drew]:  “What’d you get? 

[Jordan]:  “I didn’t see anything.  I did not see anything I promise you!” 

[Drew]:  “Answer the question.” 

[Christina]: “You’re just like dealing with the fact there’s a hand over your mouth just like licking the hand.”  

[[Drew and Jordan chuckle]]

[Jordan]:  “Stop describing my marital life, alright!”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Drew]:  “No, weird!” 

[Christina]:  “Oh-”

[Jordan]:  “That is less of a joke than it should be.” 

[Christina]:  Trying to steer the conversation  “Anyway!!” 

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, no it, honestly sounds like something that would fit that Chelsea would do.” 

[Jordan]:  “Chelsea, you remember dating me?” 

[Caitie]:  “Yeah…”

[Drew]:  “My God, y’all are a mess.” 

[Christina]:  A bit flustered “OK so anyway um! He’s, he’s genuinely, genuinely happy about the place… Okay, so what Fridahn- Fridahn does is he’s going to just kind of look around, he’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, you know I am. I am not as familiar I think, with- with smaller places such as yours, but as long as you are happy that is what is the most important you know? 

[Kev]:  “I mean, yeah, it’s kind of like my- my whole deal here, but I mean, like I said if you want a job, I mean, like you, you’ve got one here. They can you gonna I mean, we can, we can settle out paperwork another day I mean, I’ve got to know numbers go over. But for sure for definitely you can totally work here, but man.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, so anything else, you wanna ask wolfman anything that you might like drive the plot along?” 

[Fridahn]:  “So so if I have to be honest, Kevin, we we also came here because-” 

[Kev]:  “Kevin Kevin that’s that’s so formal.  It’s Kev, Kev is fine.” 

[Fridahn]:  “My, my mistake if you know, we, we were passing by and we talked to the sad sad man who was complaining about a girl? Who said he said that maybe she may be spending some time here you know and so we wanted to come and just see you know if everything is going okay. Just checking in and making sure that she- she’s doing well.” 

[Kev]:  “Oh, I get it, you’re- I’m guessing Drac probably send you to check things out.  But yeah, yeah, me ‘n Medusa have been seeing each other. Yeah, Dracs kind of you know all ate up about it. Honestly, I’m more of like a free love kind of guy so I don’t. I don’t get what his deal is like. You know, let birds be birds. Fly around, you know?” 

[Jordan]:  “Oh, God he’s so awful.” 

[Kev]:  “She’s been coming here hanging out, I guess Drac’s pretty like miffed about it. I’ve heard he’s been like hiring a bunch of skeletons to try to come over here like you know, fuck with my stuff. And you know, I’m I’m pretty laid back, but you know, I’m not gonna let anyone just like come in here, so you know, I’ve also been hiring a bunch of skeletons. Hey, you guys aren’t cops right?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh no no no.” 

[Kev]:  “Cool, I said a lot of incriminating stuff there. 

[[Jordan laughs]]

[Fridahn]:  “So just out of curiosity, when was the last time that you saw her?” 

[Kev]:  “Oh yeah I mean, I think I saw her like yesterday. I mean, she usually hangs out in her cave, so.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, I see okay. Well, I mean for now, you know, he is, he is not doing anything with those skeletons so I mean I don’t think the- would that would have to be a worry for now. Do you know by chance where her cave is?”

[Kev]:  “Oh yeah here, let me draw you a map.  There.” 

[Drew]:  “And he like takes out like a loose piece of paper and turns it over and like draws the map on the back of it and then hands it over to you. You can also, like if you look on the back of this piece of paper. It is very clearly like a a super important billing statement that he probably should keep but like didn’t think to look at.” 

[Christina]:  “Well, I don’t know the difference because I’m not in this business.  So he takes it and he said,”

[Fridahn]:  “Well, thank you. Well we may be back, talking about you know things later but I think I need to go save my friend from, from Six Fingered Meg so we, we will see you around.” 

[Kev]:  Chuckles  “Your friend caught Meg’s attention?”

[Fridahn]:  “Ugh, yeah, you know you know how the boys can be.” 

[Kev]:  “I mean, it probably won’t take too long. Most guys can’t last that long in that kind of a scenario with Meg she’s pretty…intense about- she scares me.  Meg fucking scares me bro.” 

[Fridahn]:  “I-I see. Okay, alright let’s- let’s-”

[Christina]:  “He looks at P and he’s a little concerned now he’s like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Let’s-let’s go save, save Niffun. Let’s go.” 

[Jordan]:  “P is nodding viciously because his mouth is still covered.” 

[Drew]:  “P roll me an athletics check- er not P, Niffun sorry.” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh, I got you fam. 19.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright so as you guys go out like you, you go to the side room where Niffun was and you see Niffun kind of like stumble out a little bit dazed. And Meg comes out kinda like smoking a cigarette. Kind of like combing her hair back. And she smacks him on the butt like-”

[Six Fingered Meg]:  “Not bad. I give it a solid 6.”

[Drew]:  “And then walks off.”

[Christina]:  “Nice.” 

[Jordan]:  “Damn a 19 only got a 6.” 

[Drew]:  “The DC was very high.” 

[Jordan]:  “Good Lord.”

[Caitie]:  “P just like he just grabs the nearest drink off the nearest table and just guzzles it.”

[Drew]:  “Your hands are shaking and you spill a lot of it.” 

[P]:  “The boss will love to hear about this.” 

[Christina]:  “Alright so Fridahn is gonna go ahead and grab-” 

[Niffun]:  Panting out of breath,  “Whoo.  Can we take a short rest? Just a-just a short rest.” 

[P]:  “No, I gotcha let’s go!”

[Jordan]:  “And I start giving Niffun a piggyback.” 

[Christina]:  Chuckles  “Oh, boy.”

[Drew]:  “Yeah Niffun you needed that piggyback you can’t walk very well.” 

[Jordan]:  “I’d like to imagine Niffun used fury of the small during that particular encounter.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh God!” 

[Caitie]:  “Oh god!”

[Jordan]:  “That’s a goblin feature for anyone who is not that in tune with the game.” 

[Christina]:  Composing herself  “Okay so we’re gonna try to follow this-”

[P]:  “Not now, we’re having meta conversations about racial sex!” 

[[Drew snickers]]

[Jordan]:  “Please cut that.”

[Drew]:  “No.” 

[Christina]:  “Oh boy.” 

[Drew]:  “So you know you, you guys exit the bar that is only known as ‘Cheep booze heer.’ And you follow the the crudely drawn map, but it’s like you know it. The towns layout is pretty simple. So it’s relatively easy to follow along with it. But when you reach the little spot that he’s marked as ‘The Cave.’ You don’t actually find a cave you find a, a rather large building huge like sign that looks to have like just countless fairies in there, and if you look closely you can see that like they’re kind of like a they’ll they’ll work in there for awhile and then like switch off and shifts and such, but later they just work spelling out letters in giant bright lights with their own like natural luminescence. And the the sign says Cave Co. Everyone role me history checks.”

[Jordan]:  “As we do this, P just says-”

[P]:  “I think we’re at the wrong place, we’re looking for a cave.” 

[Caitie]:  Sheepishly  “Hey guys-” 

[Jordan]:  “You did not!”

[Drew]:  “Gonna curl up into a ball and die.” 

[Jordan]:  “I gotta 12 Caitie. Let me hear those beautiful beautiful words, I’m okay hearing on this side of things.” 

[[Caitie giggles]]

[Christina]:  “Good because I got a 6.” 

[Drew]:  “So… so I’m not going to say who but two of you have never ever in your life heard of Cave Co. One of you has almost an unsettling amount of knowledge about this company. So one of you like you’ve heard a lot about Cave Co. It’s a relatively like new business again in the world. That’s like a good deal more regulated than it used to be.  There’s not quite as much adventuring going on as there once was so people who are sort of ‘would be adventurers’ will often like go to places like this to kind of pay for like sort of like an ‘escape room’ like ‘glamping’ type experience where like they do like fake adventures in there.” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, so I think I think Fridahn and P both are like-”

[Fridahn]:  “This is not a cave. The- do not understand what, what? Yeah I do not understand this is this is not what the map should be saying.” 

[Drew]:  “Yeah, Niffun you know what this is.” 

[Caitie]:  “Niffun explains, Niffun explains what it’s all about.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Ohhhh. You know, that makes way more sense now I understand. Okay. I am good at the playing not the, not the interpreting. Let’s- I guess let’s go.” 

[Drew]:  “You guys enter the building, you see kind of like a relatively like nice like receptionist type office. Um, at the reception desk is a little goblin woman with little name plate that says ‘Pam Daniels,’ you actually see it like you know, finishing like signing someone in that like they weren’t like kind of like fake uh, costume armor to go in and do their whole sort of thing. And as she sends that personal off, yeah, clocks you coming in and she goes-”

[Pam Daniels]:  “Oh hi. Come on over here. right here. No hello how do you do hello I’m Pam.  Welcome to Cave Co. We offer customized adventuring experiences-”

[Drew]:  “And from the, the room like in back of her you can hear a voice that goes-” 

[Hollywood sounding voice]:  “More pizzazz darling more pizzazz, we have a brand to uphold.” 

[Pam Daniels]:  “Yes, ma’am, sorry excuse me.”  Clears throat and sounds demonic  “You dare come here to the realm of the god damned Pam Daniels.  Be ye enough of an adventurer to accept a quest from she who even the gods themselves fear?!” 

[Niffun]:  “Yes.” 

[Pam Daniels]:  Normally again  “Oh yes, wonderful So what kind of experience we looking for what you want to sign up for?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Well, you see, we actually would like to talk, I suppose with whoever is in charge. We just have a couple of questions that we would like to see about. But I mean if we have to go through the, the adventuring first then then we can do so.” 

[Pam Daniels]:  “Oh no that’s the the product that we offer if you need to talk to Miss Medusa and I mean, I’ll have a look at a calendar…”

[Drew]:  “And as she pulls up in a little book and like flip through it she’s like-” 

[Pam Daniels]:  “She, she actually does have an opening right now, so if you wanted to come on in- May I ask who is trying to speak with her? We can’t just let anyone like kind of you know waltz back in there. Important personnel and clientele only.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, of course. See I am Fridahn, I am a well known violinist. And I would just like to to have a couple of moments of her time-” 

[Pam Daniels]:  “Wait, a second-”

[Drew]:  “And she like rummages through the things underneath her desk and like pulls out like what looks to be sort of a speaking stone, but it’s like been kind of sheared out and flattened out into a square. Almost like it’s a cross between like a speaking stone, an like a little like looking glass like magic crystal ball type thing, and plays almost like a video of you playing over at ‘Cheep Booze Heer’ and just absolutely rocking it like-”

[Pam Daniels]:  “Is this you? Are you the violin guy?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, you’ve got me. You know, I cannot. I cannot say it was not me. That was me.” 

[Drew]:  “You hear from the background.” 

[Hollywood voice]:  “Is that the violin guy darling sent him back! Oh I love him. I love his funny little dance.” 

[Pam Daniels]:  “Um-what- Why well, you heard the boss, so you, you guys head on back there.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Thank you so much.”

[Christina]:  “And he does another deep bow like with the one hand behind the back and one hand in front. And kind of like just give her a nice look.”

[Caitie]:  “As they pass and as he is still riding on P’s back. Um Niffun looks at Pam and just gives her like a wink and a little ‘kiss kiss’ face.” 

[Drew]:  “Charisma check. With disadvantage because you’re very sweaty.” 

[Jordan]:  “Can P offer the help action by showing some nip?”

[Drew]:  “That would be double disadvantage.” 

[Caitie]:  “Well 14’s not bad.”

[Drew]:  “Uh so you like you, you give little wink and kiss kiss and she gives you kind of like that look of like ewww. But yeah, she’s very much not interested. 

[Fridahn]:  “But that’s about as good as we could expect to honestly given the situation. Anyway, Let us go!” 

[Derw]:  “Right, so you enter to the office of Medusa. She’s wearing these like these very fashion forward shades and kind of like this elegant red dress and she’s, she’s sitting at her desk, which is like it, looks like it’s made out of this like, you know, sculpted marble and like it’s very like it’s it’s a very fancy, upscale like type of an office there and she’s like-”

[Medusa]:  “Oh yes, hello Darlings and the violin man and his, his friends but that. What do you want from… what do you want?” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, it is a pleasure to meet you. I-I have to say this is, this is certainly quite the establishment. It seems that you have.” 

[Medusa]:  “Oh yes. I’ve started myself. You know it’s just it’s very in vogue right now to you know, do your own adventuring so I wanted to make a profit off it, and as you can see I have done very well.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Ah, yes. I see. So I do have to say it seems you have quite a few interests. As far as the, the male personnel goes. I have to say from what we have heard about town.” 

[Medusa]:  Chuckles  “Well, you have to be more specific. Every man in town, wants to be with the legendary Medusa.”

[Jordan]:  “P winks.” 

[Caitie]:  Chuckles “So does Niffun.”  

[Christina]:  “I was going to say so does Fridahn. And he’s like-”

[Fridahn]:  “Of course.” 

[Drew]:  “Charisma checks, all three of you.”

[Jordan]:  “Glorious.”

[Drew]:  “Niffun still disadvantage. ‘Cause again, you are so sweaty right now.”

[Jordan]:  “8.” 

[Caitie]:  “12.”

[Christina]:  “23.” 

[Caitie]:  “Nice.”

[Drew]:  “So again, two of you really don’t catch her interest. One of you, we don’t really need to say who, she kind of throws up like an eyebrow and she kind of clocks that. She’s like maybe. 

[Christina]:  “Anyway Fridahn continues he says-”

[Fridahn]:  “Well I- I’m sure you, you must be aware of the two more… prominent figures in town. You know the, how does he call himself… Kev and so what is the other one’s name.. I- I believe he goes by by Drac.” 

[Medusa]:  “Oh yes darlings. I love them both so much they’re wonderful honestly. I…I did have a little bit of ah…trouble trying to choose between the two of them ’cause you know, Kev is an absolute animal in bed, but Drac just has that good suck.  But then. After a lot of deliberation, I even involved the board on this decision ’cause you know they’re very helpful. I decided that I wanted both of them. You know, but you know- por que no los dos? Why choose?  Um, so I sent the message along to them, but I haven’t heard back. It’s been a couple of days.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Hm…interesting. Ho-w how was this message sent you say?” 

[Medusa]:  “Oh, I just told Chauncey to tell them.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Ohhhhh.  I see. I see what happened here. Oh, so if you do not mind. I do not think that either of them has heard the news as I believe they would like to start a fight over you. You know how these… these, these guys can be they they get so in their head. Especially, especially the Drac.  So would you mind if- thought about settling this between the two of them tonight maybe? You know if you have a couple of times.” 

[Medusa]:  “I can make time for that darling.  Um, but I wonder why Chauncey wouldn’t have delivered my message… actually let me- let me take care of that.”

[Drew]:  “And she pushes the little button on her desk. She’s like-”

[Medusa]:  “Pam. Uh, hit the the summoning circle for Chancey please.”

[Drew]:  “ And you know, there’s like a couple of beats of silence while she’s kind of like a sits there, kind of twiddling her fingers and then a magical circle kind of appears like in the center of her office. And from the circle rises, very like kind of you know he he seemed like he was very wasn’t ready to just be summoned randomly into the office is Chauncey. He goes-”

[Chauncey]:  “Oh uh- What’s…what’s going on here?”

[Drew]:  “And he looks and he sees you three like-”

[Chauncey]:  “Oh you guys are in Medusa’s office. That’s cool. That’s fine.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Yes, yes, we are.”

[Christina]:  “And so Fridahn actually gets up like really close to him like within whispering distance and he like pulls him down. He like fingers towards him, ’cause I’m assuming he’s taller than him. He’s like-”

[Fridahn]:  Sternly  “Come here.” 

[Drew]:  “He’s not taller than Chauncey. Chauncey’s a regular size skeleton. You’re- you’re all small.” 

[Christina]:  “That’s what I mean.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh the other way around, sorry.” 

[Christina]:  “So he fingers he’s like-”

[Fridahn]:  “Come here, come here. Now, talk to me, come to me-”

[Chauncey]:  “I don’t-”

[Fridahn]:  “No no, come here. Come here talk to me.” 

[Chauncey]:  “I don’t want- I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that. I think you’re gonna hit me.” 

[Christina]:  “Yeah, I was just gonna say I’m just I’m just giving him daggers like I’m I’m like glaring him a bit like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Come here, come here tell me tell me something.” 

[Jordan]:  “P in the background is aggressively rubbing his nipples attempting to intimidate him.” 

[Drew]:  Laughs  “I guess P roll intimidation and we’ll say that, like you’re getting the help action.” 

[Christina]:  “What I was actually going to say if you do want P to roll is, can I like snap behind my back and give him bardic inspiration?”

[Drew]:  “Fine.” 

[Jordan]:  “Okay, that I could accept happily because I have literally nothing to intimidation.  Alright that’s a 15 total.” 

[Drew]:  “15 total? That is just enough. So Chauncey he looks at you all and he goes,”

[Chauncey]:  “Come on, guys I just uh…”  Music stops for a moment before becoming very intense and Chauncey gets ‘meaner,’ dropping the sickly english accent for a old timey villain voice

 “You know what? You know what? I’m sick of this! I’m sick of this charade!”

[Drew]:  “And he jumps up onto Medusa’s desk and pulls from his coat a magic marker, he’s like,”

[Chauncey]:  “I am not Chauncey!” 

[Drew]:  “And he draws on his pencil thin mustache to like lengthen it out into like this long snidely whiplash, curly mustache. And Medusa as he doe this gasps and goes-”

[Medusa]:  Gasps  “Lord Bonington!” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “That’s right. It’s me! I am tired of skeletons being relegated to shitty manual labor! We used to be the armies of old! Now I will bring back the skeleton age. I started this war and we’re going to finish it!”

[Christina]:  “Okay.”

[Drew]:  “ Roll me initiative.” 

[Jordan]:  “Hot fucking damn, unnatural 20.” 

[Christina]:  “I got 15.” 

[Caitie]:  “I got a 9.” 

[Drew]:  “And Lord Bonington got a 17 so he’ll be going second. Who got a- Jordan you’re gonna be going first.” 

[Jordan]:  “Yup yup yup. Alright, here’s what I’m gonna do. So this hasn’t been mentioned up until this point. However, P does have a ***** pack.” 

[Caitie]:  “***** pack!”

[Drew]:  “I can confirm. I did agree to the ***** pack.” 

[Jordan]:  “You did agree to the ***** pack. So from said ***** pack. P is going to produce two weapons. One is a sickle, the other is a light hammer.” 

[Drew]:  “The Soviet national anthem plays softly in the background.” 

[[Soviet national anthem plays softly in the background]]

[Jordan]:  “P is unsure as to why.” 

[P]:  “Why does that always happen? I don’t get it.”

[[Regular battle music returns]] 

[Jordan]:  “But the first thing I’m going to do is my sickle has a plus one and my hammer has a plus one plus the ability to return to me when I throw it. And it is a thrown weapon.”

[Drew]:  “Neat.”

[Jordan]:  “So I’m gonna chuck the fucking hammer at him.” 

[Drew]: “So roll to hit.” 

[Jordan]:  “That is a… 10”

[Drew]:  “That does not hit.  But you do still have your off hand attack.”

[Jordan]:  “Yep and I will go ahead and use my sickle for that. Also call the hammer back. Holy fuck nat20!!” 

[Drwe]:  “Well throw that nasty crit damage on him.” 

[Jordan]:  “11 points of slashing damage”

[Drew]:  “Fuck.”

[Caitie]:  “Shit”

[Christina]:  “Nice.” 

[Drew]:  “And that’s the end of your turn on that one?” 

[Jordan]:  “That’s all I can do yeah.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright so to animate how that kind of like went.  Like you threw the hammer at him and he kind of like ducked. Like-”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Nyah nyah nyah!!  No one can defeat Lord Boning- FUCK!”

[Drew]:  “And you stab the shit out of him and knocked him off the desk.”

[Caitie]:  “Nice”

[Drew]:  “Then on his turn-”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Okay wait wait wait wait. Okay wait wait timeout okay timeout. Yeah, we got we got a little on you know, we got a little overzealous yeah, we can, we can talk about this-”

[Drew]:  “And he throws a smoke bomb down the ground. Like-”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Haha! I was just kidding. Fuck you guys!”

[Drew]:  “And everyone roll me perception.” 

[Jordan]:  “Ten”

[Caitie]:  “16.”

[Christina]:  “22.” 

[Drew]:  “Alright, the DC was super low because the smoke bomb was very shitty. It like very slowly billows smoke out of it. And it’s like it’s super obvious that like he’s just like trying to like sneak away and you your eyes never leave him. He thinks he’s gotten away with it. He just hides behind the chair in the room. Not very convincingly like you fully see him. And then like there’s a little bit of silence and he just goes-”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Did it work?”

[Fridahn]:  Fed up  “No.” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “Can- can- can I surrender?” 

[P]:  “Yes.” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “Okay, I.. shit”

[P]:  “Guys he’s shit!”

[Lord Bonington]:  “What?!  I didn’t shit!  Look at my body! My body is made of bones. I don’t shit.”

[Niffun]:  “He didn’t shit, he is shit.” 

[P]:  “Oooooooooooh.”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Hey, you guys already won. You don’t have to be mean.” 

[P]:  “No, but we choose to be.” 

[[Drew chuckles]]

[Fridahn]:  “Alright guys, that is enough. We- we are all gentlemen around here. You know you know how it has to be.”

[P]:  “We are?”

[Christina]:  “He just gives him that knowing look of come on now.”  Chuckles 

[Drew]:  “Also, another bit of like knowledge to this like after you saw Lord Bonnington take that hit he looks super super messed up like more so than you would expect someone to be messed up. And you realize that like he’s weak as fuck.”

[Christina]:  Snickers “Oh wow.”

[Drew]:  “Like I made him to sound like he was going to be this big end boss and he’s not he’s just a little shit.”

[Jordan]:  “Clearly, Jesus Christ.”

[Christina]:  “Oh boy. OK, so, so Fridahn does get up close to him this time and still like with daggers in his eyes is like,”

[Fridahn]:  “Now, you were going to tell to us. Yes, why you did not do with the lady here had asked with delivering the message about who she had chosen.” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “Okay okay okay, just let me, y’know calm down. No, no need to do anything rash and smoke bomb! Wait, shit I used that already. Okay for real this time. I- I well, I wanted to start a cool skeleton war. Skeleton wars don’t happen anymore. They used to happen all the time. Lich Kings would just raise armies of us and we’d just stab at each other. It’d be really awesome, we’d look like a death metal cover album it now it just… We don’t get to. Now we just move boxes and shit.  It’s bullshit. This is a bullshit place.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Oh, I see.”

[Christina]:  “And he kind of turns and he looks at, he looks at the, the lady in the room and he goes.” 

[Fridahn]:  “I think I can solve one problem with another.  You know you have your… How do you say adventuring- adventuring business yes? And so, what would happen if for more realism you have some skeletons for the adventurers? That would- that would suffice no? 

[Drew]:  “Medusa has like had her speaking stone out and it was like very clearly like playing some game on her phone, while this entire thing was going on. And was like not paying attention and like looks up and is like. 

[Medusa]:  “What darling? Oh yeah, sure, whatever.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh my God. 

[Drew]:  “And goes back to playing around on her phone.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Okay.”

[P]:  “I like her, she’s a go getter.” 

[Christina]:  “And he looks back over at, at this skeleton, and he’s like,” 

[Fridahn]:  “Would that… Would that be good? Just as far as not starting a skeleton uprising because I mean you know that in metaphorical terms. If there were some, how some kind of an authority in town, you know. Uhm, that would be bad.” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s better than nothing and it’s a whole lot better than jail.” 

[Niffun]:  “Yeah, I have a question?”

[Lord Bonington]:  “Go for it.” 

[Niffun]:  “Did you call the cops on yourself?” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “Oh what? No! I’m just, I’m the head of the skeleton union. Whenever anyone comes in to investigate skeleton stuff, I’m required to be their liaison.” 

[Fridahn]:  “Okay, well, I do have one thing I need from you though. You do need to go deliver that message because that is important so that the other two do not continue to keep fighting. They can hash this out with the lady here if they would like to.” 

[Lord Bonington]:  “But I- but after that, I get to do cool skeleton army stuff here at the adventure at the, at Cave Co, though right? 

[Fridahn]:  “Yes, as long as the lady has allowed it. Of course, you know that is not my business. But yeah of course. Now let’s let’s go deliver this message. We will, we will provide how do you say the moral support but we do not wish to be there physically. Come along!” 

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “Alright, so Lord Bonington AKA Chauncey agrees. He goes and delivers the message to Drac and the Wolfman. Everything gets hashed out. They all meet together in Medusa’s office. They formed the cutest throuple that you guys have ever seen and they all live happily ever after. The end. Congratulations, and an adventure well done. 

[Caitie]:  “And Niffun goes back to Meg Six Fingers.” 

[Drew]:  “Niffun goes back to Six Finger Meg and she like kinda looks at him and she’s like-”

[Six Fingered Meg]:  “Hm.  Yeah, alright.”   

[Drew]:  “And then get back to the backroom.”

[[All chuckle]] 

[Drew]:  “Emphasis on happy ending.  Giggity, hahahahaha.” 

[[TV static followed by the outtro]]

[Jordan]:  “Hey guys, thank you all so much for listening. Be sure to listen to the end for a little blooper that didn’t make it into the episode proper. We’re adding those at the end of each episode as a little something for those who listen till the very end. But before that we have some plugs and promotions! 

For anyone in the South Charlotte area, check out Just Cheesecakes by Tina Rose on Facebook! They’re a local bakery who specializes in, you guessed it – cheesecakes!  They do custom orders and delivery, so it’s a quick and easy way to satisfy your sweet tooth. 

We are also partnered with Black Feathered Graphics.  They’ve helped us with the show before, designing our logo and official art used on our social media.  They’ve recently started to specialize in apparel so check them out at blackfeathergraphics.com. 

Finally, our own Drew McClain is the fitness genius behind Kinetic Concepts. When he’s not reciting the holy scriptures of Bahamut, Drew is a personal trainer that customizes your workout to your own needs.  He’s helped me get in fighting shape and is also helping my brother to prepare for a marathon.  To get yourself in shape just find yourself Kinetic Concepts on Instagram.     

If you want to support the show, follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Agents of DAMNED and on Twitter at AgentsofD.  We also have a Patreon at Agents of DAMNED where we post episodes a week before their standard release alongside our aftershow, Peek Behind the Screen where we talk about what happened in the episode and what we think will happen next.  Until next time, bye!              

[[TV static]]

[Pam Daniels]:  Not in demonic voice “Be ye enough of an adventurer to accept a quest from she who even the gods themselves fear?!”  

[Drew]:  “Also, I can’t hear it on my end, did the voice changer work?”

[Caitie]:  “No.”

[Drew]:  “Ah, fuck!”

[[All laugh]]

[Drew]:  Quickly  “I’ll fix it in post.”

[Jordan]:  “Yup, that’s how it do.”