Episode 14: A Friendly Game of Tag

The Agents are thrust into an inter-dimensional game of tag with the head of the Fall Court. Can they find a way to outwit the prince of fools?

Transcript

A Friendly Game of Tag

[[Intro song plays followed by gentle adventuring music]]

[Jordan]: “Hello everyone and welcome back to Agents of DAMNED. I am your sometimes benevolent, often malevolent dungeon master Jordan Roman, and as always, I’m joined by my fellow players.”

[Caitie]:  “Hi guys, I’m Caitie and I play Saithe.

[Christina]:  “Hey everyone, I’m Christina and I play Winterra.”

[Drew]:  “And I’m Drew McClain, and by The Fabulous Fu Manchu of Bahamut, I play the good doctor Arlo Agon.”

[Jordan]: “I can’t wait for the point where you cannot think of another phallic and like some other weird penis related thing.”

[Drew]:  “This actually- that wasn’t penis related! It’s-”

[Caitie]:  “A Fu Manchu is a type of facial hair!”

[Drew]:  “Yeah it’s facial hair my dude.”

[Jordan]: “Okay, cool, we’ve already hit that point. My mind’s just in the gutters.”

[Drew]:  “I’m painting a picture- wh-what, no! Now we have to like dive into this. What would a Fu Manchu be in the genital area Jordan? Please explain that.”

[Jordan]: “Do you honestly want us to dive into that?”

[Caitie]:  “Uh, or we could go ahead and do the flashback.”

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “Oh my god, alright fine.”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, let’s just do that for everyone’s sanity. Why don’t we?

So last time the Agents and Second Chance arrived in the Feywild and were quickly set upon by strange fairy folk. Despite Forngal’s inability to retain consciousness, teams managed to defeat the mysterious creatures.  After the battle, the leader of the fairies recognized Forngal as one of the Princes of the Feywild.  Forngal himself seemed oblivious to this fact.

The teams then travel to the Swamplands to speak with Forngal’s father. After receiving the hearing, they spoke with King Robolete or Bob about how to find a cure for brood poisoning. Lord Bob directed them towards the Fall Court to speak with Hyrsam, a Prince of Fools in the hopes that he would send the teams to the Summer Court to speak with Lady Titania.  Following his advice, the Agents and Second Chance arrived in the Fall Court to ask Hyrsam for help. He agreed, but only if they would play a game of tag first. The Agents agreed and were sent to a strange dimension, as Hyrsam laughed gleefully into the void.”

[Hyrsam]:  From all around “Hahahahahaha!”

[Jordan]: “Everyone roll initiative.”

[[Music shifts to a fast paced techno beat]]

[Jordan]: “Okay, shocking no one, Saithe goes first.  So as I described last time, you guys are in this weird extradimensional space filled with floating land masses, a bunch of stairs, and corridors that seem to connect to nothing and yet everything all at the same time. Surrounding all of that is this empty void.  It looks like you’re in just the empty recesses of space itself.  Gravity is “normal” though, so you can’t just fly around. You are still bound to whatever surface it is your feet are currently planted on, and you do not see Hyrsam anywhere.”

[Saithe]:  “Got anything good for this little buddy?”

[Caitie]: “She says asking her cat on her shoulder.”

[Jordan]: “Modi sorta like licks at his paw a little bit and then paws at the gems and then- you can’t really fully tell because it is a cat but it looks like it has a smug little grin on its face.  Roll me an insight check real quick.”

[Caitie]:  “Uh-17.”

[Jordan]: “He’s mocking you for using a boon earlier and it not helping out. Not being able to use it now.

[Caitie]:  “She rolls her eyes.”

[Saithe]:  “Fair enough, little dude, fair enough.”

[Caitie]:  “I-I’m gonna hold my action for now.”

[Jordan]: “Cool.  Arlo, you’re up.”

[Drew]:  “Arlo’s gonna say-”

[Arlo]:  “Mr. Fey Prince, sir, I don’t think we like discussed like what…what are the rules of this? What are we doing?”

[Hyrsam]:  “You just have to catch me- me- me- me.”

[Arlo]:  “Oh okay…But like where are you, this is tag not hide n seek.”

[Hyrsam]:  “Find me -me -me -me.”

[Drew]:  “I guess I look around for him?  I dunno…”

[Jordan]: “Alright, roll perception.”

[Drew]:  “10.”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, no. You, you don’t see anything.”

[Caitie]:  “You know, I’m gonna do that too.”

[Jordan]: Sarcastically “Oh wow, amazing what would have been a good idea, Go ahead.”

[Caitie]:  “24.”

[Jordan]: “You actually managed to catch a glimpse of him dashing into a hallway on a set of stairs that Arlo could easily reach.”

[Saithe]:  “He went that way.”

[Drew]:  “If Arlo can still use his movement action then I guess he moves in that direction.”

[Jordan]: “Alright, so you managed to jump from the current platform that you’re on onto the stairwell that Saithe pointed to you and you dip into the hallway and as you do you see him just like turn off.  So you know which way he’s going, but movement wise that’s about as much as you can do for now. Christina, you up.”

[Christina]:  “So Saithe pointed out the direction he went right?”

[Jordan]: “Uh-huh.”

[Christina]:  “About how far away is that from where we are?”

[Jordan]: “I mean from where you guys all are. I would say it would be about the same amount of distance to get to where Arlo is, which is like just inside of one of the corridors.”

[Christina]:  “Does it look like it would be within about…  Actually, I’m just gonna. I’m just going to do this ’cause this is what I think I’m going to do. I would like to conjure animals.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.”

[Christina]:  “So I’m doing 2 beasts of challenge rating 1 or lower and that challenge rating 1 or lower is a giant eagle.”

[Jordan]: “Kay…”

[Christina]:  “So it has a flying speed of 80 feet ’cause I don’t think I have a restriction on conjuring animals for flying. I just can’t transform into them, right?”

[Jordan]: “Correct.”

[Christina]:  “Yep, so two giant eagles appear and I’m gonna be like-”

[Winterra]:  “Go!”

[Christina]:  “And like, do like the two finger movement to go get him.  And tell them to like try to catch the guy.”

[Jordan]: “What’s their flying speed?”

[Christina]:  “80.” 

[Jordan]: “Jesus Christ.  Okay, so, uh, yeah Arlo, You see these two eagles just kind of like fly into this corridor and just zoom by you.”

[Caitie]:  “Nyoooom.”

[Arlo]: “Alright, I guess that- I guess we’re doing that.”

[Christina]: “And I’m going to start like following behind them, but obviously not be able to keep up that much.”

[Jordan]: “Do you have any sort of like telepathic link with the eagles or?

[Christina]:  “It does not specify.”

[Jordan]: “Then I’m going to assume you don’t. Alright, from where they are they are at where he would have like, they’ve gone into the corridor where you guys saw him turn to so…”

[Christina]: “Mmkay.”

[Jordan]: “Alright, back to the top of the turn order, Saithe you up.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright, I’m just gonna send Modi after him and can I see I know that it’s like just a bunch of random areas, but can I see if there’s another way that looks like it might direct into a back section- like meet them off.”

[Jordan]: “I am going to say…roll me your choice of either an Arcana or an Investigation.”

[Caitie]:  “25.”

[Jordan]: “Fucking Christ…None of it really makes a whole lot of sense, like there’s no logical way to parse it altogether; however, in a completely separate direction you do see Hyrsam sort of wander off into another area. It looks like there’s no humanly possible way he should have been able to get there, but you figure it’s probably some extra dimensional bullshit and you could probably round him off that way a little bit faster.

[Caitie]:  “Let’s do it.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so you manage to head over towards the direction that you saw him.  And as you do, he is running towards you and he is very close. If you want to, you can attempt to grab him with a grappling check.”

[Caitie]:  “Do it, let’s do it.

[Jordan]: “Alright, go ahead and roll me a dexterity check.”

[Caitie]:  “22.”

[Jordan]: “Okay, so…  Here’s what happens.  You managed to get the jump on him.  And you wrap your arms around him successfully. For all intents and purposes, you’ve got ’em.  Except that when you do, he immediately turns into leaves and you hear a laughter on the wind saying-”

[Hyrsam]  Laughter, then from all around  “Nice try. But you have to get the real me. Try a little bit harder.”

[Jordan]: “Is that it for your turn?”

[Caitie]:  “For now.”

[Jordan]: “Alright Arlo you up.”

[Drew]: “Guess another perception check to see if I can find him?”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, go ahead.”

[Drew]:  “17”

[Jordan]: “You manage to catch sight of him just outside of a window. He is walking- running along a passageway into another room. Once again you can reach it with your full speed.”

[Drew]:  “Alright then I will do that.”

[Jordan]: “Alright, so you turn back out of the room you are currently in. Do some nimble maneuvering through the various floating corridors and passageways and get into the room. Once again, you kind of see him just start to leave it.”

[Drew]:  “I’m gonna cast Hold Person on him.  He needs to make me a wisdom saving throw.”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, no. I don’t even care what his bonuses are. That’s a hard fail.”

[Drew]:  “What’d he roll?”

[Jordan]: “5.”

[Drew]:  “Yeah…”

[Caitie]: “Ooof”

[Jordan]: “He is not that strong. So yeah, no he is fully restrained or whatever it does.”

[Drew]:  “He paralyzed.”

[Jordan]: “Paralyzed, that works too.

[Drew]:  “So he like he locks up then he’s like ‘ugh’ and then, Arlo kind of walks over him like boops him on the nose, like-”

[Arlo]:  “Boop gotcha.”

[Jordan]: “And as you do that, he once again turns to leaves.”

[Arlo]:  “Shit!”

[Hyrsam]:  From all around “You’re still thinking too literally.  This is fun.”

[Jordan]: “Winterra, you’re up.”

[Christina]:  “So he said the point of the game is to catch him?”

[Jordan]: “He said in his exact words that he was it, and so the game ended when you guys managed to get him.”

[Drew]:  “That’s not how tag works though.”

[Christina]: “That’s how his talk works.”

[Jordan]: “If you would like, based on the little thing you just said to yourself, I will allow you to roll an insight check to see if I can give you a hint or not.”

[Drew]:  “If he’s it then he would be the one trying to catch us.  Which I think is a hint.”

[Christina]:  “That’s an 18.”

[Jordan]: “Okay, so as Andrew has been saying, and or Arlo has been monologuing, I don’t know which one we want to go with canonically.  He is absolutely right. Normally it is not the person who is trying to be caught, but rather the person trying to catch them.  Your mother’s hint about also remembering that their rules mean nothing in this world also comes back to you so you think maybe it’s not that we need to catch him.  But that he needs to catch us.”

[Christina]:  “Okay.  Hm…  So.  I am going to sit down on the ground.  And make an eagle noise and then attempt to bring them back to me. Just go-”  Bad eagle caw

[[Caitie and Christina giggle]]

[Drew]:  “Highlight of any campaign is Christina’s animal noises.”

[Christina]:  “Cause eagles actually don’t sound like what people think they do by the way they do kind of pretty much sound like that! To be perfectly honest.”

[Jordan]: “Uh-huh. I’m sure that was an exact one for one replication.”

[[Christina laughs]]

[Jordan]: “They come back over to you. They look a little concerned, like maybe you’re unwell.  But they are back there.

[Christina]: “I’m just gonna say-”

[Winterra]:  “Hey, just hang out here for a second. I want to see what happens.”

[Jordan]: “They just perch themselves on either side of you.

[Christina]: “And I’m just going to wait and like watch and see like what happens next.”

[Jordan]: “Alright! So as you do that, through the corner of your eye, you see peeking in from the window to the corridor outside Hyrsam’s just kind of just looking at you.  But he’s not doing anything.  He’s just there.  Back on top of the order that is Saithe.”

[Caitie]:  “Can I see Winterra from where I am?”

[Jordan]: “I’ll just say you guys somehow through interdimensional bullshit always have eyes on each other somehow.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay.  So seeing what she’s doing Saithe is gonna sit down and like act like she’s pouring a cup of tea for herself.”

[Jordan]: “Do you have cups on you?”

[[Christina giggles]]

[Caitie]:  “I said act.”

[Jordan]: “Oh, so you’re pantomiming.”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.”

[Jordan]: “Okay? Um…”

[Christina]: Laughing  “Just invisible cups of tea.”

[Caitie]: “Just invisible cups of tea.”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, that’s a whole thing.”

[Caitie]:  “That’s a thing.”

[Christina]: “Slurping sounds and all?”

[Jordan]: “Saithe since you can see this whole setup with Winterra and would therefore also be able to see Hyrsam just kind of for lack of a better term voyering, also roll me insight.”

[Caitie]:  “19.”

[Jordan]: “So you can kind of get the idea on what’s like what Winterra is doing, obviously.  But there’s one part of it that seems a little bit odd to you.  The fact that he’s not doing anything.  ‘Cause you can tell that Winterra’s plan is alright since he said he’s it, he needs to catch us so why isn’t he trying to do it?  And it kind of occurs to you he did still say that you guys needed to catch him, which you kind of take to mean we need to be the ones to incite his, attempting to catch us.”

[Caitie]:  “I see…”

[Saithe]:  “What a lazy game of tag!  I mean, the guy who’s it isn’t even good enough to catch us.  I’m already bored.”

[Jordan]: “He just looks over, he says-”

[Hyrsam]:  “Makes one of us.

[Caitie]:  “I mean, you’re not the first Prince of Fools that I’ve ever met.  Definitely not the best.”

[Arlo]:  “Oooooo. Hyrsam you gonna let her talk to you like that?”

[Jordan]: “He shrugs.  Is that all you got?

[Caitie]:  “Yeah.”

[Jordan]: “Yeah, sorry. Bait wasn’t taken.  Alright Arlo you’re up.”

[Drew]:  “Alright, so.  Arlo’s gonna like look through his pack and like just kind of like pull out his prescription pad that he’s been using but kinda just look at it as though it’s like, a like a book. He looks through it and he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “Huh, that’s pretty cool. Hyrsam you ever seen any of this stuff here?”

[Hyrsam]:  “Seen what?”

[Arlo]:  “Oh, like this here.”

[Drew]:  “And he very quickly like flashes the book but like puts it right back.”

[Jordan]: “He immediately teleports behind you.”

[Hyrsam]:  “Come on, show me.”

[Arlo]:  “No this is mine! You can’t see it.”

[Hyrsam]:  “I-I want to see what it is though.”

[Arlo]:  “No!”

[Hyrsam]:  “Let me see it!”

[Arlo]:  “No!!!”

[Jordan]: “And he starts reaching over to grab it.” 

[Drew]:  “I get in front of his hand and he tags me.”

[[Theme music plays]]

[Jordan]: “And the second you do that.  Reality cracks like glass.”

[[Drew and Christina start dying of laughter]]

[Jordan]: “And begins to shatter.”

[Caitie]:  “Nice!”

[Christina]:  “Nice, nice.”

[Jordan]: “And as it does you guys find yourselves in a forested path, filled with lush green leaves.  In front of a large Elven City.  And you hear on the wind-”

[Hyrsam]:  “Oooh, that’s fun!  I haven’t had a game that challenging in a long time.  Feel free to visit again, say hi to Titania for me- me- me.”

[Jordan]: “And you guys are now at the gates of the Summer Courts.”

[[Intro theme ends]]

[Jordan]: “Alright, so I assume you guys head over towards the city gates.”

[Drew]:  “Well first like while Rhelynn has her panic attack Arlo comes over to he and he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “Hey breathe, breathe, it’s alright.”

[[Rhelynn breathes heavily, freaking out]]

[Arlo]:  “Here, here!”

[Drew]:  “And he pulls from his pack of like his medicine kit. He pulls out a small ‘bout palm sized vial and hands it to it like-”

[Arlo]:  “Here. This will help you, this will help you relax.”

[Jordan]: “She downs it instantly.”

[Arlo]:  “Okay, so that was whiskey. Um so uh…”

[Rhelynn]:  “Oh boy it was.”

[Arlo]:  “Yeah.  So um… you’re going to have. You’re gonna have a fun time…”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Jordan]: “She turns to you.  Very, very flush in the cheeks.”

[Rhelynn]:  Slurred speech “Thank you doctor.  You know?  You’re kinda cute.”

[Arlo]:  “Oh, this is my curse.”

[Jordan]: “And she hands you back the bottle.”

[Christina]:  “How big was the bottle?”

[Drew]:  “It was about like the size of Arlo’s palm.”

[Christina]:  Regretfully  “Oh God.”

[Saithe]:  “Huh.  We got ourselves a lightweight.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “I don’t know what your- let’s go say hi to Tittyana.”

[Arlo]:  “Okay, you’re gonna you were gonna you’re not gonna talk for this leg of the adventure.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “Why not!? I’m feeling… fine.”

[Arlo]:  “Just uh… You-you’re you’re talking so well that we don’t want to. You know we don’t want to make them jealous so…”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “I I I ’cause it’s it’s the the the Fey people they don’t… They can’t handle it is what is what, you’re what you’re.-”

[Arlo]:  “Yeah, they can’t. They can’t handle it.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “You’re what you’re telling me.”

[Arlo]:  “You-your swag. It’s too on point and they can’t handle ya. They can’t handle yer swag.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk “Gottcha.  Forngal, I leave it to you.”

[Jordan]: “And he salutes honorably.”

[Drew]:  “I lean over to Forngal and I was like-”

[Arlo]:  “Watch her place.”

[Forngal]:  “Yeah, no, you got it. We’re gonna have a great time man.”

[Arlo]:  “I immediately regret asking this of you.”

[Forngal]:  “Why?”

[Arlo]:  “Just just please don’t let her get into trouble.”

[Forngal]:  “Yeah, no problem.”

[Drew]:  “Arlo leans over to Saithe-”

[Arlo]:  “Okay, watch both of them.”

[Saithe]:  “I have a better idea.”

[Caitie]:  “And she’s gonna, uh, she’s- she’s gonna pick up Rhelynn with her tail and just carry her like that.”

[Rhelynn]:  “Woohoooo!”

[Drew]:  “How. Strong. Is. Your. Tail?”

[Caitie]:  “It’s a 6 foot tentacle, basically Jesus Christ.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk “Yeah, let her hentai me, it’s fine.”

[Arlo]:  “Um…”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “I know what that is!”

[Winterra]:  “Um?”

[Christina]:  “Winterra puts a finger up like she’s about to ask a question she’s like-”

[Winterra]:  “What..is…?”

[Arlo]:  “Nope.  Nope!”

[Jordan]: “Rhelynn turns around she’s like-”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “You don’t wanna know!”

[Arlo]:  “We’re not- Winterra there’s going to be certain things that we will explain to you, and certain things that we’re never going to talk about.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk “Also, on that note, don’t talk to 7.”

[Arlo]:  “I don’t. I don’t want to know what that entails.”

[Winterra]:  “Uh…”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “No you don’t.  Let’s go speak to the titty lady.”

[Drew]:  “Wait, wait, wait. Is 7 one of those people that’s like. Well it’s called hentai and it’s art.”

[Jordan]: “Did you ask that in or out of character?”

[Drew]:  “Out of character.”

[Jordan]: “Okay cool then I won’t answer it.”

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “Okay.”

[[Folksy medieval tune starts playing]]

[Jordan]: “Okay, so you guys make your way over to the gates. The gates themselves are actually open. And you see a bunch of different elven creatures inside, and unlike the ones that you saw before, which were in mostly warm colors, these ones are more dressed in greens and silvers, much more like foresty colors in a way, but in a regal sense.

All of them hold themselves high in posture like you would imagine a high elf would, but their skin also seems to be a little bit tinted in that greenish sense.  There’s sorts of vines and branches growing out of their hair. Things of that nature almost like what you might imagine a dryad to be, but still holding the form of an elf.

And as you guys make your way in, you see a woman in robes who- she’s covering her head. But you can kind of tell just from her appearance, her height, things and how she carrying herself. She’s not one of the summer eladrin, she goes-”

[Robed woman]:  “Hold on. I need to mark you down for entering the city.  Names please.”

[Saithe]:  “Saithe!”

[Robed woman]:  To herself  “Saithe…”

[Winterra]:  “Hi I’m Winterra!”

[[Music immediately stops and slows to a melodic piano tune]] 

[Jordan]: “Winterra, as you introduce yourself, she looks over to you and then does a double take.  And she starts walking closer. And just like you can’t really fully tell from under the hood but she’s staring at you.”

[Winterra]:  Uncomfortably  “Um…hi!”

[Robed woman]:  “Holly?  Holly, is that you?”

[Winterra]:  “No, my name is Winterra. Um… that’s my mom?”

[Jordan]:  “She takes a sudden step back.  And says-”

[Robed woman]: “Your mo-!”  Sadly chuckles “It’s been a lot longer than I realized.”  

[Jordan]: “And she puts the little notepad that she was using to mark names down.  And she unveils her hood.  And you all are basically looking at Winterra.  But she seems younger somehow, almost Holly’s age, but not quite there still a bit younger somehow. And she says-”

[Robed woman]:  “I didn’t realize I had been gone for so long that she’d already grown up and had a family of her own. Well, I suppose it’s nice to meet you, Winterra.  My name is Autillow.  Autillow Darknight.  And I believe.  I am your grandmother.”

[Arlo]:  “Oh shit this is your gamgam!?”

[Winterra]:  Taken aback  “WHAT?!”

[Saithe]:  “‘Expla-ns a lot.”

[Winterra]:  Still shocked  “Wh-”

[Autillow]:  “On your end perhaps, but I was not expecting to meet familial relatives, especially not the daughter of my child who the last time I saw her was still a young girl.”

[Wintera]:  “Uh…I didn’t expect to meet anyone I’m related to either. To be honest, this is a surprise.”

[Autillow]:  “Indeed.”

[Winterra]:  “I’m processing.”

[Jordan]: “She pats you on the shoulder and is like-”

[Autillow]:  “It’s okay. It’s to be expected. This is shocking for all parties, I think.”

[Winterra]:  “Mom never really talked about anyone in her family.”

[Autillow]:  “Well, to be fair, as I did just say I left at a very young age for her.  I was actually the first one to form the bridge with the Feywild in our family. I am why the portal rests within the Midnight Woods or at the very least why that portal rests within the Midnight Woods.  It’s meant to be a symbol of goodwill between the Material Plane and the Feywild. Unfortunately one that was…not well utilized?  Though that may fall a lot on my shortcomings I did leave to do this before Holly was old enough to take up the responsibility she just knew about the portal and I figured she was a smart young girl. She’d be able to piece it all together. Apparently I was wrong, but um.  I wasn’t exactly able to go back. I ended up becoming an ambassador, so…kinda tied to the place now.”

[Winterra]:  “Well, mom’s really smart. And definitely does a good job at what she does. We’re actually here because we’re trying to help our friend, and so we pretty much asked a favor of her to come here.”

[Autillow]:  “Oh, I didn’t realize… Well, I suppose without proper knowledge of it she wouldn’t know it was intended to be a freely traveled portal, but I suppose that’s…again, another shortcoming on my end.  Wow, I’m just kind of realizing how much of a-  how terrible the plan this really was.  Guess that’s what I get for consorting with fairy folk. As far as a well executed plan.”

[[Drew and Christina chuckle]]

[Autillow]:  “I don’t know how long you guys have been here or not, but I’m sure you’ll have noticed pretty quickly. They don’t think things through the same way that we do, or even the same complexity level.”

[Arlo]:  “I just defeated a fairy Prince in the game of tag by pretending I had something cool in my notebook.”

[Autillow]:  “Oh, Hyrsam?”

[Arlo]:  “Yep.”

[Autillow]:  “Oh, you should have seen the way that I beat him the first time I asked him if he wanted to hug and he just jumped right into my arms, it was hilarious.”

[Winterra]:  “Aw.”

[Arlo]: “That’s actually very cute.”

[Autillow]:  “Yeah, less so when I tried to eat his knees afterwards. But you know it happens.” 

[Arlo]:  “What is with y’all and the damned knees!?”

[Winterra]:  Excited  “You are my Grammy!”

[Autillow]:  “They’re tasty.  Have- Win-Winterra have you not given them a nice serving of knees?”

[Winterra]:  “We haven’t spent a lot of time in the forest, so I haven’t had an opportunity.”

[Autillow]:  “You need to do that.  These people don’t know what they’re missing.”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, Saithe is- Saithe is gonna look at Rhelynn like,”

[Saithe]:  “Oh dear god.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “I’m down for anything right now!”

[Drew]:  “Arlo takes out another vial, clinks and against Rhelynn’s empty vial, and starts sipping from it.”

[Caitie]:  “Saithe is gonna put out, Saithe’s gonna put out a hand like- please.”

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “Arlo hands Saithe another vial you like-”

[Arlo]:  “That’s my last one, so make it count.”

[Rhelynn]:  Drunk  “Dibs.”

[Drew]:  Chuckles more  “Just… Rhelynn and Saithe have to fight over the last vial.”

[Jordan]: “So Autillow turns back over to you guys from all that’s like,”

[Autillow]:  “So what specifically brings you all here both, I suppose you said you were here to help a friend from the Feywild, but what brings you to the Summer Court?”

[Winterra]:  “Well, um, we’re here because one of our friends has something called brood poisoning?”

[Autillow]:  “Ahhh.”

[Winterra]: “And we’re hoping to try to find a way to fix him.”

[Autillow]:  “So you’re hoping to gain an audience with Lady Titania then?”

[Saithe]:  “Yes, please.”

[Autillow]:  “Well.  Luck is truly on your side today.  Normally, securing an audience with her ladyship would be a tedious, time consuming, and I’ll be honest, random process where you may eventually get it. You may get it instantaneously, or you may have to wait 10 minutes. It… kind of the whole range. Some people have been waiting for a literal eternity and still never seen ‘em.  And then I’ve had a beggar come up asking for a piece of cheese and was immediately granted an audience.”

[Winterra]:  “Hm.”

[Autillow]:  “However, since I am the advisor to Lady Titania, I could secure you an audience almost immediately.”

[Arlo]:  “Neat.”

[Autillow]:  “Yep, you guys get to go in on the cheese beggar timeline.”

[Arlo]:  “Is that officially what it’s called? Or is that like a, uh, a joke?”

[Autillow]:  “Little column A little column B.”

[Arlo]:  “Fair enough.”

[Jordan]: “She starts to take you over to the castle. Now in this time, Winterra is there anything you would like to speak with your grandmother about?”

[[Christina giggles]]

[Jordan]: “Who you’ve never met or heard of.”

[Winterra]: “So…um…  If it’s okay, why did you leave mom when she was so young to come here? What happened?”

[Autillow]:  “Oh! It’s not really that anything happened. At least, maybe not in the sense that you’re thinking of. Truth be told, I had a visit from the Lady’s…hm, I don’t know if partner is the right word?  Mate maybe?  It’s weird, but Lord Oberon actually came through and decided to pay the Material Plane a visit and I did my best to show him around. I recognized him from some stories, especially when he introduced himself and realized he was not a person I wanted to anger in any way. And given the volatile and often confusing nature of the Fey folk, I had to play that especially carefully.

But, he was actually a rather pleasant young man.  I assume young, hard to tell.  And we decided that there should be a little more…crossover between our worlds if you will?  So more of an open passageway from one to the other, normally getting to and from the Feywild from the Material Plane is not the easiest thing in the world, and vice versa.  At the time your mother was still quite young.  I believe she had only just turned 10 recently.

And Lord Oberon had said that the best way would be to have me go over as a representative of the Feywild, and they would send someone else over as well, and we would serve, sort of as consorts for each other, but…  It’s I guess neither one of us really did what was necessary on our ends though your mother, I told her to watch the portal and make sure that only the people that needed to crossed over- I’m realizing now what the issue was.

[[Winterra chuckles]]

[Autillow]:  “Note to self 10 year olds too literal.  So yes, it suppose it was more for political standing, and hope of garting goodwill between the Material Plane and the Feywild. Better to have them as friends than enemies you know.  Is…Holly doing okay?”

[Winterra]:  “Yeah, um.  She’s a good mom.  She- she does a lot for us.”

[Autillow]:  “You have siblings?”

[Winterra]:  “Mhm.  I have a brother.  We’re twins.”

[Autillow]:  “Ah, two girls… fascinating.”

[Winterra]:  “Brother”

[Autillow]:  “You did say that didn’t you- wow, I’ve been in the Feywild for too long.”

[Winterra]:  Chuckles  “He’s a very… he’s he’s a very boyish boy, not even not even a mistake there. He…oh, he gets into some stuff.”  Laughs  “Although I guess I’m not the girliest girl so…”

[Autillow]:  “There’s nothing wrong with that.  I think there’s something admirable in a girl that’s willing to get a little blood under her nails.”

[Winterra]:  “It’s the best part.”

[Autillow]:  “Agreed.  Specially when it’s someone else’s.”

[Winterra]:  “Mhm!”

[Christina]:  “She’s- Winterra is just kind of like, as they’re walking still processing that she’s meeting someone she’s literally never heard about her entire life. And she’s just trying to you know get into like maybe a mindset of her mom to understand what’s what could have like gone on and so she, she also kind of breaches the question of-”

[Winterra]:  “Do you? Do you think you ever planned on coming back? And visiting?”

[Jordan]: “She stops walking when you say that.  And sort of looks off into the distance.  And says-”

[Autillow]:  “It’s definitely something that I’ve thought about.  Unfortunately, given my current situation, that’s not exactly possible.  I would love to go back and see Holly all grown up.  Meet your brother and, I suppose her mate, who is your father, by the way?”

[Winterra]:  “Oh yeah, sorry, my dad’s name is Ulric!”

[Autillow]:  Sternly  “Oh, of course it was him.  Little troublemaker.”

[Winterra]:  Naively “My dad gets under the best kind of trouble!”

[Autillow]:  “I’m starting to see it now. Okay, that’s fine. We can sort through that on my own time.  Well, as long as you all are happy.  Maybe someday when the situation changes and an advisor is no longer necessary for the Lady then…Yes! I would most certainly love to come back and see you all.  Gods only know I have stories to tell for eons.  Oh uh, it appears that we’ve arrived!”

[Jordan]: “And she starts to pick up her pace a little bit more briskly.”

[Christina]: Chuckles “Okay”

[Jordan]: “You may have tugged a heartstring or two.”

[Christina]:  “Good.”

[Drew]:  “Oh no, my feelings.”

[Caitie]:  “I don’t trust her.  And, maybe it’s because I don’t trust Jordan.”

[Jordan]: “That seems to be a running theme in this.”

[Caitie]:  “But I just…something seems off.  Let’s go, let’s continue.”

[[Music changes to flitting fairy music]]

[Jordan]: “She brings you guys inside and it’s this grand open cathedral-like area. The ceilings are raised higher than any creature even a giant could hope to reach. There’s gorgeous artwork of Elven figures and strange creatures foreign to all of you decorating the walls.  And at the far end is a large regal throne.  With a small child sitting in the throne.  She looks at you all with a seriousness to her eyes that does not match her external appearance. She has dark black hair that stretches all the way down to the ground.  And is wearing a gorgeous silver and green dress with golden trim all throughout.  And as you all approach Autillow drops down to one knee and says-”

[Autillow]:  “My lady, I have brought guests. They have come to ask a favor of you if you would be so kind as to grant them an audience.”

[Jordan]: “And the little girl stands up from her throne and says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “Well, if they are here on your account.  I suppose I can hear what they have to say.  What is it that you come to me for young travelers?”

[Drew]:  “Arlo bows deeply- and then pulls out a backwards chair!  No, I’m joking. Uh, but he’ll say-”

[Arlo]:  “Your, your eminence, we- we seek aid for a friend of ours that is afflicted with brood poisoning.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Hm, seems to be a common thing that happens in your world.”

[Arlo]:  “Is it?”

[Lady Titania]:  “I mean, we’ve had at least…Autillow how many have there been?”

[Autillow]:  “I think one person has come about this?”

[Lady Titania]:  “Yes, a whole person has come about this and now you’re the second. That’s a lot.”

[Drew]:  “Arlo finishes the rest of this bottle.”

[Saithe]:  “As he was saying, we were hoping that you would be able to provide assistance in the treatment of our friend.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Is your friend here?”

[Saithe]:  “He is not.  He was too unwell to travel.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Are you then saying I should come with you to the Material Plane in order to help someone I’ve never met before?”

[Saithe]:  “I take it, it’s probably not as simple as making a potion of some sort and taking it with us?”

[Saithe]: “Oh no, it absolutely is. I was just wondering what your plan was.”

[[Drew and Caitie laugh]]

[Drew]:  “My god, this whole place.”

[Saithe]:  “You startled me there for a moment your Honor.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Why?  You shouldn’t make assumptions like that. You don’t know what other people might be thinking.”

[Saithe]:  “That’s very true.  You are very wise.”

[Lady Titania]:  “I assume that was meant nicely.”

[Saithe]:  “Yes.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Good!”

[Jordan]: “And Titania turns to you Winterra and says.

[Lady Titania]:  “Hm, Autillow, you never told me you had a sister.”

[[Christina laughs]]

[Autillow]:  “I-I-I don’t your, your ladyship, this is my granddaughter from the Material Plane as it turns out, we’ve just met.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Hm.  Weird.”

[Winterra]:  “Very.”

[Saithe]: “Yep.”

[Arlo]:  “Is that weird?  By the standards of the Feywild?”

[Lady Titania]:  “Is what weird?”

[Arlo]:  “You know, okay, alright, cool.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Why were you here again?”

[Saithe]:  “Bread poisoning.”

[Lady Titania]:  Snaps  “Right!”

[Jordan]: “And she reaches into one of the long sleeves in her dress and pulls out a small bottle and says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “Since this is such a common occurrence, I made sure to have one ready, just in case.”

[Winterra]:  “That’s so kind of you.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Well, thank you. After all you people from the Material Plane apparently can’t be trusted not to properly cook your brood before eating it or however it is your contract this, I don’t know.

[Arlo]:  “Uh, you get it from I guess getting bitten by a snake man.  A sneople If you will.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Weird, our snakes just poison people.”

[Arlo]:  “Yeah, we got all kinds of snakes.”

[Lady Titania]:  “That sounds unfortunate.”

[Arlo]:  “Yeah, it’s- it’s mostly snakes out there. Actually, it’s like- it’s like 80% snakes and then like you know just enough air to breathe, it’s weird out there on the material plane.”

[Saithe]:  “Thank you for the vial.”

[Jordan]: “She has not given it to you.”

[Saithe]:  “Thank you for- for having an extra vial.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Oh, of course, I’m very forward thinking.”

[Winterra]:  “May we have it to take back with us?”

[Lady Titania]:  “Well, what do I get in exchange?”

[Winterra]:  “Hm…”

[Jordan]: “And at this point, Autillow actually chimes in and says-”

[Autillow]:  “Your majesty if I may, I think this may actually be an interesting opportunity to expand upon why I’m here.”

[Jordan]: “And Titania says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “Go on.”

[Jordan]: “And Autillow says-”

[Autillow]:  “If we were to do what should have been done in the first place and reach out to the people of the Material Plane for a form of truce or partnership then maybe we’ll see actual change and progress.  Perhaps we could have these adventures serve as liaisons of sort and help get that moving forward.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Hm…I suppose that could work.  Very well then.”

[Jordan]: “And she reaches out her empty hand as if to shake someone’s hand and says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “You, shifter girl, come forward.”

[Winterra]:  Surprised and concerned “Oh!  Okay…”

[Christina]: “She- she takes a step forward.”

[Jordan]: “So you are now face to face with her and she says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “If you agree to form an alliance with the Feywild and all of its Courts, then you may have this potion.”

[Winterra]:  “How many courts are there in the Feywild?”

[Lady Titania]:  “Four.  One for every season.”

[Drew]:  “What if she said four and then you shook her hand and she said thousand.”

[[Drew and Jordan chuckle]]

[Jordan]: “One for every season!”

[Caitie]:  “It’s perfect.”

[Drew]:  “Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, Glorp, Shborp, Skipuldoop.”

[[All laugh]]

[Jordan]: “Fall 2”.

Speaker 4

[Christina]:  “Terra pauses for a second and she before she shakes her hand. She says-”

[Winterra]:  “What…what does this alliance mean?”

[Lady Titania]:  “It means that should either side need the other’s assistance with anything then we can trust the other.  If you ever need help from the Feywild, we shall lend you our aid.  And if we should ever need the material plane, you shall come to ours.”

[Christina]:  “She kind of glances back at her grandmother to like, see if she’s getting any kind of like- reassurance or not?”

[Jordan]: “She is giving- I’m not even going to make you roll inside for this. Her eyes are pleading with you- shake her hand!”

[Christina]: Concerned  “Okay…yeah Winterra shakes her hand.”

[Jordan]: “As you shake her hand, Titania goes from what was a stoic face the entire time, to a big, bright eyed smile, and says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “Ah, I feel the winds of change are blowing.  Here you are!”

[Drew]:  “Is this like an innocent child smile, or is this like an unsettling like mmm, oh,oh no type smile?”

[Jordan]: “Yes.”

[Christina]: Concern increasing “Oh god.” 

[Drew]:  “Neat!”

[Caitie]:  “Hey man, don’t take a smile. Don’t don’t judge a smile by its cover.”

[Jordan]: “So as she hands you the vial, Titania says-”

[Lady Titania]:  “I assume, you guys would want to take the express route back as opposed to having to go back to the Fall Court to teleport back. Yes?”

[Winterra]:  “Yes please.”

[Lady Titania]:  “Okay!”

[Jordan]: “As she snaps her fingers and you guys immediately fall through the ground and splash out of the lake that you originally jumped into to get to the Feywild, and you are back in the Material Plane.”

[Saithe]:  “I hated all of that.”

[[Gentle forest music plays]]

[Winterra]:  “That was… that was an experience for sure-”

[Jordan]:  “As you do that Rhelynn pipes up like-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Oh my head- what happened for the last… I don’t even know how long?”

[Saithe]:  “You literally had like an ounce of alcohol. How did you get blackout?”

[Rhelynn]:  “Why did you guys let me drink alcohol? I can’t handle that for anything!”

[Saithe]:  “Well, you couldn’t really handle the Feywild either, so…”

[Rhelynn]:  “Was it that bad? I mean past the thing with the tag game and the mushroom peo- You know what? Never mind I just answered my own question.”

[[Christina/Winterra chuckles[[

[Drew]:  “Arlo just kind of pats her on the head and he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “You did real good sport.”

[Rhelynn]:  “Thanks.  Okay, hold up, was- was the thing with Forngal being a prince, was that part of the alcohol or was that real?”

[Winterra]:  “That was real.”

[Saithe]:  “No, no, that- that was real.”

[Arlo]:  “That was real. That was real.”

[Rhelynn]:  “Cool, we’ll deal with that in a bit. Who’s that?”

[Jordan]:  “And you guys look where she’s pointing and you see this young half elf boy just kind of standing there who’s been watching this whole thing.  He’s like-”

[Half Elf]:  “Um…  Are- are you guys the um- the DAMNED people?”

[Saithe]:  Slowly  “Yes…”

[Half Elf]:  “OK um…so, soo Miss Yaeldrin told me to bring you your friend, um, so he’s like right over there. He’s looking pretty messed up… like I didn’t know snakes could have horns.”

[Saithe]:  Alarmed  “Oh dear God.”

[Christina]: “Winterra quickly pa-hands the vial that she’s been carrying to Arlo, she’s like-”

[Winterra]:  “You probably go fix him.”

[Drew]:  “Arlo’s is sprinting over, he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “Oh shit, oh shit, shit, shit, shit.” 

[Jordan]:  “So you see him under a blanket as if he were a corpse.  Just handled with the utmost tact. And as you pull back the blanket, he is definitely more serpent than tiefling at this point, but you can tell because he does still have a lot of the tiefling aspects of him like a horn and pointed ears he’s not fully brooded yet, but he is like full scales, all that jazz.  You do also notice he has around his neck. Another amulet of calm emotion.”

[Drew]:  “Hm…so before we get into anything else- sniefling.  Okay, so now we have to administer the antivenom.”  

[[Christina applauds while Drew is laughing]]

[Christina]:  Chuckles “Sniefling…”

[Jordan]:  “2d10 psychic damage!!”

[Drew]:  “Arlo administers the – the cure to him.”

[Jordan]:  “As you do, from where the liquid enters his mouth a green glow begins to envelope his entire body.  The scales fall off his body as if it was just old skin. His hair begins to regrow back, and his complexion goes back to the pale white that it was before. The visible veins in his body reduce in size so they are normal again. And he immediately shoots up his eyes wide open, you can see there are no longer bloodshot, and he looks at all of you and says-”

[7]:  “Oh I fucked up so badly, didn’t I?”

[Arlo]:  “110%.”

[7]:  “Oh…  I mean this genuinely from the bottom of my heart.  My bad.”

[[Drew snickers]]

[Jordan]:  “And then Rhelynn comes up like-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Alright. How much of what you did, did you realize you were doing?”

[7]:  “The last thing I remember thinking calmly was walking into the yuan-ti temple.  Something fell on my shoulder but I didn’t scream because I didn’t want to give away my position and then I kind of blacked out for a bit.”

[Arlo]:  “Oh so all the dumb stuff he did was just like sneeple nonsense.”

[7]:  “What dumb stuff?”

[Caitie]:  “Saithe points to the- like Saithe pulls down her mask and points to the bruise on her chin.”

[7]:  “As I said, my bad.”

[Caitie]:  “She’s just gonna nod and give him a thumbs up.”

[Jordan]:  “Rhelynn puts her hand on your shoulder like-”

[Rhelynn]:  “That’s actually about as sincere as he gets. I would take that as far as it will go.”

[Christina]:  “What does the time of day kind of look like for us right now?”

[Jordan]:  “Well before that, you guys actually see Holly comes like-”

[Holly]:  “Oh! You guys are finally back!  I was starting to get worried it had been awhile.”

[Saithe]:  “How long is a while?”

[Holly]:  “Let’s see, it’s been about…two days?”

[[Gentle forest music abruptly stops]]

[Saithe]:  “Oh boy.”

[Arlo]:  “Well fuck.”

[Jordan]:  “Rhelynn then immediately chimes in like-”

[[Suspenseful music plays]]

[Rhelynn]:  “Wait, hold on!”

[Jordan]:  “Then turns to the half elf.”

[Rhelynn]:  Alarmed “Why did you bring 7 over here?” 

[Half Elf]:  “Um? Because Miss Yaeldrin said that she had to go to the debate.”

[Jordan]:  “And then Rhelynn turns to you guys-”

[Rhelynn]:  “We need to go, now!”

[Winterra]:  “Mhm.”

[Saithe]:  “Yep.”

[Arlo]:  “Half elf boy take us quickly to the debate.”

[Half Elf]:  “Yeah, you got it, no problem.”

[Arlo]:  “Also tell me your name. ‘Cause I probably shouldn’t just call you half elf boy.”

[Half Elf]:  “Oh, that’s fine. Miss Yaeldrin just calls me boy anyway, it’ll do.”

[Jordan]:  “And so he begins to run very, very, so very slowly.”

[Drew]:  “I’m just gonna scoop him and like run with him and just have him point.”

[Half Elf]: “Oh!  You are very strong, sir.”

[Christina]: “Actually what I was gonna also say is if it’s been still within an hour, depending on what Jordan thinks, my eagles still exist and we could just plop them on the back of one.”

[Drew]:  “Oh shit we can ‘lord of the rings’ this shit or we can do what we should have with what ‘lord of the rings’ should of did.”

[Jordan]:  “Yep, so you fully got them.  So you guys hop on the eagles and take off.  I need all of you to roll me perception.”

[Christina]:  “I got a nat 20, plus 5, so 25.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, Winterra- as you guys are flying, you look down into the forest below, and you see in a clearing, a hooded figure slip over towards the Feywild entrance with a long serpent’s tail.”

[Winterra]:  “Guys, guys we have to go down there!”

[Jordan]:  “Rhelynn turns back and says-”

[Rhelynn]:  “You guys can go handle whatever that is. We’ll make sure Granaphor’s alright, okay?”

[Saithe]:  “Let’s do this!”

[Jordan]:  “So you guys dive down, they take the whelp and go on towards Silverymoon. And as you descend down, the figure stops and turns to face you. And it’s Sisava.”

[[Outro plays]]

[Jordan]:  “And that is where we shall pause our tale for now.”

[[Pause]]

[Jordan]:  “Hey guys, thank you all so much for listening. Be sure to listen to the end for a little blooper that didn’t make it into the episode proper. Trying to add these to the end of each of our episodes now, so this is a little something extra for those of you who are willing to listen till the very end. But before that in place of our usual plugs and promotions we wanted to ask everyone to do what they can to help out in our current situation, especially for our fellow American listeners, things are pretty rough right now, so remember to do what you can to keep yourself and others safe. Wear a mask in public, wash your hands, practice social distancing and try and stay home whenever possible. Also with elections coming up, please remember to vote.  It’s more important now than ever that we practice this basic right and do what we can to help get things back on track.  

On a more casual note, please feel free to support us on Patreon If you can. It helps us to improve the show and even comes with some benefits like early access to new episodes and access to our after show- Peek Behind the Screen, where we talk about what happened in the episode and see what everyone’s thinking about what happened and what’s to come.

You should also follow us on our social medias: Facebook and Instagram at Agents of Damned and Twitter at AgentsofD. If you want to get more involved with the show, please send in requests for magic items, spells or even NPC’s! Until next time, bye! 

[[Outro ends followed by a TV static]]

[Christina]: Concerned  “Do…do we have our other companions with us or is just us three?”

[Jordan]:  “Uh no.  They’re dead.”

[[Drew laughs and Christina scoffs]]

[Jordan]:  “Yes they’re there.”

[Drew]:  Still laughing  “What if they weren’t?! I would-”

[Christina]:  “I just wanted to clarify!    

[Drew]:  Quickly, still laughing  “No they’re dead, and you look over and they’re heads are on pikes we’re like- Oh shit!  And he’s like- Feywild motherfucker! And you’re like- Oh shit!!!”

[[All laugh]]

[Christina]:  “Like oh god, we’re never going to be able to explain this one away.”

[Jordan]: “This is the summoning punishment!”

[Drew]:  “We’re just like, Jordan you said it was going to be okay!  And you’re like- I lied, mwahahaha!”

[Jordan]:  “It was okay for you! Not Forngal!”

[Drew]:  “Welcome to oz bitch!”    

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