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Episode 10: Late Night Shenanigans

The Agents are closing in on the true nature of this election. What will they be able to learn from Niavara, and their eavesdropping on Sisava?


Late Night Shenanigans 

[[Intro Music Plays]]

[[Adventuring music begins playing after intro]]

[Jordan]:  “Hello everyone and welcome back to Agents of DAMNED.  Our let’s play D&D podcast featuring myself, your sometimes benevolent, often malevolent dungeon master, Jordan Roman.  And as always I am joined by my fellow players-”

[Caitie]:  “Hi guys!  I’m Caitie and I play Saithe.”

[Christina]:  “Hey guys, I’m Christina and I play Winterra.”

[Drew]:  “And hello everyone, I am Drew McClain and I play the good doctor Arlo Agon.”  

[Jordan]:  “Feels like it’s been awhile since we all got back together doesn’t it?”

[Drew]:  “Ah yeah, it does feel like it’s been a little bit.”

[Caitie]: “It does!  How long has it been since our last recording?”

[Jordan]:  “Ah…it’s been over a week that’s for damn sure.  So we uh…we have been away for a bit.”

[Caitie]: “Well let’s get to it.  Give us that down low from the last episode bro.”

[Drew]: “Yo yo!”

[Jordan]:  “Ah, a recap?  I believe that would be in order?  Let’s do it.  

Last time, the Agents had their first meeting with Ulric – one of the guardians of the midnight woods, and Winterra’s father.  After an exchange of pleasantries, and a quick battle with a corpse toting plant, Ulric guided the Agents to the Darknight family cave.  Once there, Winterra was violently greeted by her brother Eirwin, who promptly pinned her in a ‘friendly’ wrestling match.  After Winterra’s mother – Holly – returned home, the Agents questioned the shifters to see if they knew anything about Granaphor or the yuan-ti.  They confirmed the locals had started acting strangely only a week after Granaphor’s arrival as well as learning about another yuan-ti in the village named Nnelg.  The Agents bid them farewell and returned to Silverymoon, once there, they rendezvoused with Second Chance just outside of the aforementioned Nnelg’s place of business.  Rhelynn told the Agents that they had learned about Sisava – Granaphor’s aide – making unexpected late night visits out of the village back to the yuan-ti temple in order to meet with someone.  However, before following up on that lead, the group instead chose to speak with Niavara, once again realizing that she is likely the only person resistant to the charming magics that seem to be taking hold of the town. After securing an audience with her in her private study, Niavara turned to the Agents and Second Chance and said-”

[Niavara]:  “So, what would you like to ask?”

[Jordan]:  “And so we resume our tale.”

[[Music transitions to calming lighthearted tune]]

[Jordan]:  “As mentioned  you guys are all in her private study, she has closed the doors so it is completely shut off, and it is up to you guys now – what do you ask her?”

[Drew]: “Wait can you do the recap again, I wasn’t looking.”

[Jordan]:  Sighs  “Anyone who actually wants to take this fucking seriously for a hot god damned second?”

[[Drew laughs]]

[Arlo]:  “Alright there, so um, we’ve managed to find out a couple a things about the uh-the goings on or at the very least we’ve got some workin theories…what it appears to be, is that the um… the general populace might be under the effect of um, and don’t quote me on this and do not freak out – some manner of charm.”

[Niavara]:  “WHAT??!”

[Arlo]:  “We wanted to – hey hey!  What did I just say?”

[Niavara]: “I made no such promises, keep talking.”

[Arlo]:  “Alright, so we believe they might be under some manner of charm, we’re just going to continue our investigation in that direction tonight – but, we wanted to… you know you don’t seem to be under the effects of said charm so we wanted to kind of pick your brain just to, anything that you might know if that might have been protecting you or if there’s any particular instance roughly about a week ago when they showed up that you feel like you were resisting a magical thrall going on there, y’know, questions along that line.”  

[Niavara]:  “Well I didn’t notice anything of that nature.  As for why I would be unaffected I need to remind you that I was the apprentice of the previous head of this town, an incredibly powerful wizard, and as such my magical skills are nothing to scoff at themselves.  So that, plus my elven lineage would make me highly resistant to charm based magics.  That being said, if you’re telling me that this beholder just marched his way- er, floated his way rather into town with an army of snake people, sneeple if you will, and then decided to just charm the residents of this town th-that’s election fraud!!” 

[Arlo]:  “Now…remember we need to keep level heads, we need to stay calm.”

[Saithe]:  “That would indeed be election fraud, which would be one of the main reasons we’re here.  However, our greater fear is, there might be an underlying threat beneath that.”

[Niavara]:  Alarmed  “There’s another threat besides the beholder?!”

[Saithe]:  “That would be your underlying threat, yes.  It’s not about the election.  It’s not even the beholder that’s under the control of the election, in fact, it would be the sneeple.  When I was speaking to Granaphor earlier this afternoon, I found that when Granaphor started to lose control of himself, the assistant that he had with him, Sisava-melon, he uh- would pull out a charm which glowed and then Granaphor calmed right down.  I believe it might be the very same charm that the people of this town are under.”

[Niavara]:  Calmer  “Well, I spoke to Sisava about that when I first met with Granaphor, he told me that the charm is used to calm the emotions of Granaphor and it can work on anyone but it doesn’t have any sort of hypnotic abilities at least not based off of what he told me…  Though of course I wasn’t allowed to actually look at or inspect it personally but…especially now with what you’re telling me…” Stressfully vocalizes

[Saithe]:  “If we were to get our hands on it, what would you recommend in terms of inspecting it to find out if it does indeed have hypnotic ability?”

[Niavara]:  “Bring it to me.  I can have it identified within an hour, easy.”

[Saithe]:  “Understood.”

[Arlo]:  “Well, we do want to hold on one second… Now, there is the element that we want to make sure that this amulet does not have any hypnotic sway over the town.  However there is also the rather important element that the amulet seems to be the only thing that keeps Granaphor from ah… tearing us all a structurally superfluous new behind.”

[Jordan]:  “You see Niavara kind of looks shocked as you say that.  Almost as if she had forgotten about that element of this.”  

[Niavara]:  “Oh, um…right, yes.  I suppose we can’t separate the two of them without putting the town at risk… e-excellent work, I…so what would you recommend?”

[Arlo]:  “Well.  Currently my recommendation is rather than sussing out the amulet as- assuming that the amulet is the source of the hypnotic abilities, after we have our little um…we’ll call it um, what have you, reconnaissance mission tonight, we’ll have more information to work with as far as possibly knowing how Sisava is exerting this control, or if Sisava is the one exerting that control.  If it turns out that the amulet is incidental, or if it’s key to their plans, getting a little bit more information might allow us to know which avenue to go down.  But…the risk of Granaphor just kind of, y’know, going postal in this town is not something I want to take without doing my due diligence of figuring out what’s going on.”

[Niavara]:  “Yes, I suppose that would be for the best. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, you mentioned reconnaissance that you are doing tonight…of what exactly are you looking into at this point?”

[Arlo]:  “Well, we trust you quite a deal ma’am but some things that we are doing do still need to remain classified.”

[Jordan]:  “Roll perception.”

[Drew]:  “Do I have any bonuses from things on from Big Betty’s?  I feel like-”

[Jordan]:  “You do-”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah, so you should still have, do you have proficiency already in perception?”

[Drew]:  “I do not.”

[Jordan]:  “Um…persuasion is what I asked for not perception.”

[Caitie]:  “You should still get the additional proficiency bonus added onto it.”

[Drew]:  “Oh, persuasion!  Oh that’s so much worse!”

[Jordan]:  “Oh!”

[Drew]:  “That’s infinitely worse!”

[Christina]:  “You did say perception, you didn’t say persuasion.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh, I meant persuasion.”

[[Talking over each other]]

[Drew]: “You did say perception.”

[Caitie]:  “You did say perception.”

[Jordan]:  “I meant persuasion.” 

[Drew]:  “Oh god that’s so much worse.  Okay, so with my proficiency bonus added to a whopping zero to my regular charisma based bonus, and the 5 that I rolled, that is an 8.”

[Jordan]:  “Mmm.  That… Is not gonna do it.”

[Niavara]:  “And I hope you will forgive me sir, but as one of the current running mates of this town as well as the apprentice of the former head and apparently the only person who is capable of thinking my own free thoughts without snake people invading my mind and making me think ‘oh everything’s okay’ I’m going to insist that you be a little more open as to the nature of what it is you’re investigating so I can keep my town safe.”

[Saithe]:  “We will do everything in our possible effort to make sure that the town does indeed stay safe.  However, we still need to keep you safe as well.  And that may mean that you don’t know everything that we do.”

[Niavara]:  “I assure you, I’m quite capable of handling myself in an emergency situation.  As I said, I was trained by one of the most powerful wizards in the world.  I myself am more than capable of using the arcane arts in order to fend off any possible threat that may come my way or this town’s way I assure you.”

[Caitie/Saithe]:  “Well captain, you’re up.”

[[Jordan snorts]]

[Christina]:  Laughs From the background “I was like, I have nothing.”     

[Arlo]:  “Alright ma’am, let me – ma’am, let’s…let’s walk it back a bit.  So, and this is not to y’know cast shade or dispersion on your abilities here but when we told you that there might be a chance that the amulet might be causing some mind effect, y’know mind altering effects around the town, you did have a bit of a knee jerk reaction there, that could have put people in danger.  Now again, this is not to cast dispersion on your abilities but it also goes to show that y’know, your profession lies elsewhere.  And our profession lies with taking care of things on our end. It’s not that we don’t think that you’re capable or that you’re y’know, bad at your job, it’s quite the opposite.  We think that you’ve got your place in this and we have ours and sometimes that means that we’re not going to be able to share everything with ya.  In fact, we’re sharing much more with you than we should, but that’s because we trust ya.”

[Jordan]:  “Roll persuasion one more time, this time with advantage.”

[Drew]:  “Fuck yeah!  Oooooooh!”

[Caitie]:  “That sounded good.”

[Drew]:  “That is a 19.”

[Jordan]:  “That one IS going to do it.”  Chuckles

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Niavara]:  “Alright, I…I don’t like the idea of playing a passive role but, I suppose you have a point.”  Sighs  “Very well, is there anything else I can assist you with as far as information goes?”

[Christina]:  “Terra actually chimes in at this point and she says-”

[Winterra]:  “Actually, I was wondering.  During the next few days, are there any times that the three of you, as the candidates, are planning on gathering in front of the rest of the town?  For any kind of like last minute um…discussions! Or debates?”

[Niavara]: “Well, we each have our own individual campaigning that we do from time to time, and that’s usually kept independent, and we try and avoid the others during that time.  You know, just out of respect and all sorts of things.  However, the day before all the final votes are put in, so two days before the announcement-”

[Jordan]:  “Which for you guys means day 5.”

[Niavara]:  “-there will be one final gathering of us all where we will have a debate of sorts and explain why we are the best and attempt to retort the other two. Afterwards, we won’t be together again officially until the actual announcing of the results.”

[Christina]:  “Terra nods and she says-”

[Winterra]:  “Okay.  That’s good for us to know, as far as planning goes…just going forward.  I was just curious since I don’t think we had heard anything about that.”

[Niavara]:  “Well you haven’t been here for terribly long, so I can’t say I’m…shocked about that.  It’s only been what, a and a half for you?  Was that all you needed from me?” 

[Arlo]:  “Erhm…for the time being yes, but as we y’know continue on our path here, if we do not have things resolved by debate day… I would advise you to be additionally cautious.  And in between then and now, I mean I know I don’t have to tell you this but I will anyway, do your best not to tip your hand.  Act naturally around everyone else, especially Granaphor and his following of sneeple.”

[Niavara]:  Amused “Sir I assure you, I am more than capable of minding the words that I say and letting the people only hear what they want to hear.  After all, I’m a politician.”

[Drew]:  “Haha, got ‘em.”

[Caitie]: Mimics comedy drum “Boom tsst.”                    

[Drew]:  “Poignant social commentary!”                                  

[Jordan]:  “Topical!  Alright, so I assume that you guys head out?”

[Caitie]:  “Yep.”

[Drew]:  “Yep yep.”

[Jordan]:  “As you guys leave, each of you roll me a perception check.”

[Drew]:  “Now that I am good at.”

[Jordan]:  Sarcastic “Oh I’m sorry I meant persuasion.”

[[Christina snickers and Jordan laughs]]

[Drew]:  “You’re an asshole. You’re an absolute asshole.”

[Christina]:  “Terra got a 23.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.”

[Drew]:  “I got a 25.”

[Caitie]:  “I got…22!”

[Jordan]:  “Okay hot damn.  As you guys leave you notice that as mentioned before this place is not only an archive of books but also of magical relics.  And you see that there is, Arlo you remember that there was a lot of yuan-ti there the first time you were there as well.  But now you all take a closer look and notice that they seem to be focusing primarily in on some of the artifacts.  And with how high you rolled, I will say that you notice the highest collection of yuan-ti eyeing a particular dagger.”    

[Drew]:  “That is suspicerous.”

[Caitie]:  “Suspicerous indeed.  Can I tell from the distance I am at what the dagger is, like…is there like a plaque on it that says what it is?”

[Jordan]:  “Not from where you can see however you can see that it is decorated as such that the handle appears to be the head of a serpent with the blade coming out of its mouth.”

[Christina]:  “Hm.”

[Caitie]:  “Hm…”

[Christina]:  “Are we still near Niavara?”

[Jordan]:  “No you would have left her study by this point.”

[Christina]:  “Okay so it was when we were leaving…okay.”

[Jordan]:  “Yes, this is an as you were leaving thing.  If you guys want to do something off of this you can but otherwise I’m assuming you’re just walking out the door.”

[Drew]:  “I would like to, I guess kind of like…kinda…can I do like an arcana check or something on the dagger or like a history check to be like, oh do I recognize this dagger from books or some shit?”

[Jordan]:  “Yes…I’ll say um…history in your case.”

[Christina]:  “Saithe could also just go be a sneaky sneak and just go see if she could get near it enough to look at it.  She’s pretty quiet.”

[Caitie]:  “I am really sneaky.”

[Drew]:  “That’s -she is very sneaky- and I only got an 11.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah no.”

[Caitie]:  “And I can read in every language.”

[Drew]:  “Not gonna cut it.”

[Jordan]:  “If you would like to attempt to sneak up on that thing and try to get some more info on that you are free to do so.”

[Caitie]:  “That’s…that’s gonna do it.”  

[Jordan]:  Amused “You don’t know what my DC is!” 

[Caitie]:  “I’m not even gonna say it…”  Sighs “You really…do I really have to do the math?”

[Jordan]:  “Yes”

[Caitie]:  “It’s 42!”

[Christina]:  “Oh my god!”

[Drew]:  “What in the ass.”

[Jordan]:  “I’m sorry, that’s not going to do it – yeah no, you fully get up there and-”

[[Caitie is giggling in the background]]

[Christina]:  “I think anything above a 30 is an automatic success in most cases, right?”

[Jordan]:  “Depends on how big of an ass I feel like being but even in my wildest dreams I would not have set a DC 40 for that.”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “So, yeah, Saithe um…”

[Christina]:  “Blinks out of existence and blinks back into existence.”   

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, you guys don’t even notice she’s gone.  But Saithe you manage to get up close-”

[Caitie]:  “Did I even exist at all?”

[Jordan]:  “You manage to get up closer to it, blend into the crowd, and you see that there is in fact a plaque that names it as the ‘Fang of Merrshaulk’.”     

[Caitie]:  “The fang of reshakk?”

[Jordan]:  “Merr-shaulk.  M-E-R-R-S-H-A-U-L-K.”

[Drew]: Intentionally  “The fang of merlshark.”

[Jordan]:  Sarcastically  “Yes.”

[Drew]:  “Merlshark…got it.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay…alright, is there any texts near it that might provide more information?”

[Jordan]:  “Nope.”

[Caitie]:  “Can I run a history check?”

[Jordan]:  Uncertain  “Yes.”

[Caitie]:  “How does 21 do?”

[Jordan]:  “I’m not being an asshole when I say this – not enough.”

[Caitie]: “Damnit.”

[Christina]: “Hm…”

[Drew]:  “Oh shiiiiit.”

[Caitie]:  “That was a nat 20 too.”

[Jordan]:  “Sorry.”

[Caitie]:  “Yeah okay, I’m just gonna go back to the group real quick and let them know what it is.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, you rejoin the group, they did not know you even left so the fact that you have new information for them is weird.”

[Caitie]:  “And instead of saying it out loud I’m going to pull out a pen and a piece of paper from my bag and write it down and hand it to them.”

[Drew]:  “Aw, I was gonna say that as soon as you show up like you startle Arlo he’s like-”

[Arlo]:  “Ah geez, ah fuck!”

[Caitie]:  “And draw attention to myself?  Does that sound like a good idea..?”

[Drew]:  Chuckles  “No.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh my god you’re learning!”  

[[Music transitions to a calming happy piano town tune]]

[Jordan]:  “You guys make your way out of the archives, Saithe has provided you all with a note telling you that the name of said dagger that you all noticed is the Fang of Merrshaulk.  And I would say at this point it’s probably about 2 in the afternoon, so you guys still have time to do stuff before you have your nighttime escapades.  Is there anything else you wanted to do, anything you wanted to talk about?”

[Drew]: “Ooh, I have an idea!” Indistinguishable 

[Caitie]:  “I want to study more up on that dagger.”

[Drew]:  “Want to study more up on the fang?”

[Jordan]:  “Drew, what’d you say?”

[Drew]:  “Oh, I had a similar idea in that I was gonna, essentially just like call in and say like hey Raiann can you have Bookworm run a search through her library on the Fang of Merrshaulk?”

[Jordan]:  “Oh!  Alright!  Do you want-”

[Drew]: “Yeah, I’m starting to learn how to use our resources and shit!”

[Jordan]:  “Do you want to roleplay that one out or just say you have that one done and she gets back to you later?”

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah, we’ll roleplay it out.  So Arlo pulls out his speaking stone and calls Raiann.”

[Caitie]:  Hurriedly/under her breath “We’re still in public!” 

[Arlo]:  “Hey there-”

[Drew]:  “Wait, what?”

[[Music stops]]

[Caitie]:  “We’re still in public!”

[Drew]:  “We’re not talking about anybody…we’re not talking about anything classified. I’m just asking them to run a search on it, I think.  Or do you think it’s like…I dunno what do you think?”

[Caitie]: “I just feel like it’s drawing attention.”

[Drew]:  “Okay I duck into an alleyway-”

[Caitie]: “Also the way that Jordan said it was ‘do you want to roleplay it out?’ it honestly sounded like he was baiting us into doing something bad soooo…”

[Drew]:  “It did sound like he was like, oh do you want to roleplay it out, this is a challenge.”

[[Jordan starts dying of laughter]]

[Drew]: “This is clearly a trap for you.”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.”

[Jordan]:  Still laughing  “Oh my god.”

[Caitie]:  “And listen to the way he’s fucking laughing right now.  Like you know that maniacal ass laughter right there means I’m right!”

[Jordan]:  STILL LAUGHING  “Oh my god…  So what are you doing?”

[Drew]:  Pauses  “I’m going to duck into an alleyway first, where like people aren’t around-”

[Jordan]:  Trying to compose himself but not doing great at it “Okay.”

[[Music switches to light uptempo string music]]

[Caitie]:  “Saithe is going to stand guard!  But non suspiciously like, just kind of chilling with her hood up nice and hidden.”

[Jordan]:  Finally regaining himself  “Alright, cool.”

[Christina]:  Pointing out the irony of the statement “Chilling with your hood up non suspiciously.”

[Drew]:  “Yeah y’know, just how everybody does my dude.”

[Caitie]:  “Just gonna lean against the wall  No big..”

[Jordan]:  “Alright.”

[Drew]:  “So Arlo calls up Raiann.”

[Raiann]:  “Raiann here.”

[Arlo]:  “Hey there Rai-Rai.  How ya doin?”

[Raiann]:  “What did you call me?” 

[Caitie/Saithe]:  Quickly “Wh-fuc-she?”

[Arlo]:  “What are we not at nicknames yet?”

[Raiann]:  “Not even remotely close!”

[Arlo]:  “Alright, noted, my bad.  I will, I’ll dial that one back. I needed to ask if you could have Bookworm run a search in her library for me for the uh – the Fang of Merrshaulk.”

[Raiann]:  “Hm…right.  I’ll get her right on that one.  And you can expect to have a workplace sensitivity class waiting for you when you get back!”

[[Christina in the background holding back laughter]]

[Arlo]:  “I’m just trying to foster a friendship.”

[Raiann]:  “Remember, our relationship is such that I am your boss and you are my employee.  At the most casual you are my apprentice.”

[Arlo]:  Pauses, then gleefully  “I’m your apprentice?”

[Raiann]:  “Oh for the love of- Raiann out!”

[[Christina busts out laughing]]

[Drew]:  “A single tear falls down Arlo’s face.”  Starts laughing too

[Christina]:  Composing herself  “Oh my goodness.”

[Caitie]:  “Saithe is literally just standing there with her face in her hands just like shaking her head.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, so she’ll get back to you a little bit later obviously Bookworm cannot just look up that stuff within an instance so…you guys do still have some time but that is being done.”

[Drew]:  “Schwayzee.”

[Christina]:  “Hm.”

[Drew]:  “Anyone else got a thing they wanted to do?”

[Saithe]:  “Hey, do you remember that spell that you can use…where magical things glow?  Like things that are under a charm glow?” 

[Arlo]:  “Oh yeah, detect magic.”

[Saithe]:  “Yeah.”

[Arlo]:  “Let me check through my prepared…my prepped spells for the day. I…did not prepare detect magic so I can’t do that until tomorrow.”

[Drew]:  “Well wait, can I ritual cast detect magic?”

[Jordan]:  “Does it have a ritual tag?”

[Caitie]: “Yeah!”

[Jordan]:  “Uh, then yeah you can do that it just takes you ten minutes.”

[Drew]:  “Then I take ten minutes to ritual cast detect magic.”

[Jordan]:  “Cool, what are you wanting to do with it?”

[Drew]:  “I’m going to have a looksee at the fang of merl-dixon.”

[Jordan]:  “Ooooh-kay!”

[Caitie]:  “Was that a walking dead reference?”

[Drew]:  “Maybe…”

[Jordan]:  “Mmmmm…”

[Caitie]:  “Jesus Christ, that character died like ten years ago!”

[Drew]:  “I. Regret. Nothing.”

[Caitie]:  “Wait, what did you cast it on? You didn’t cast it on the people?”

[Drew]:  “No I ritual cast detect magic, I can just see the stuff.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah no, it’s not on a specific thing, it’s just he can now see magic.”   

[Caitie]:  “Okay.”

[Christina]:  “I think Jordan was just inquiring as far as what specifically he was  looking at.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah no, I just want to know what you’re doing with it.  If you’re just wanting to have the ‘Eyes of Thundera’ sight beyond sight then cool bro, but I need more.”

[[Drew laughs]]

[Drew]: “I hold the sword of omens up to my eyes.”

[Caitie]:  “No no, I wanted to see if the people had an aura about them.  Like when Saithe was charmed and tried to murder them.”  

[Drew]:  “That is…so smart.  Yeah, I do that.”  

[[Jordan pauses and then sighs]]

[Drew]:  “Ooooh!  Jordan didn’t realize that this was a possibility and he hates it!  That’s what makes it real good!” 

[Caitie]:  “So mad, he’s so mad!”

[Drew]:  “Yeah!  Everyone, snaps for Caitie, yeah Caitie!” Snaps into the microphone

[[Caitie and Drew laugh]]

[Christina]:  “Oh goodness.”

[Jordan]:  “You’re actually not far off.  I had thought of this possibility, I just never actually committed it enough to thought to think of what the actual result is.”

[[Players laugh]]

[Caitie]:  “You’ve gotta consider all possibilities!”

[Jordan]:  “So as you look out into the crowd, you do not immediately see anything.  Roll me a perception check as you look out into the crowd.”

[Drew]:  “Alrighty… That is a 16.”

[Jordan]:  “Unless you get closer to someone you’re not, like it’s a pretty small town so everyone’s kind of like scattered and spread out so you can’t immediately- like they’re not like, they don’t have like a ‘super saiyan’ esque aura around them of hypnotic energy or anything like that, so like unless you get close to someone, which even from when you did do it to Saithe, it was more there was a glow in their eyes.  So you would need to actually go up and interact with someone to be able to really see it-”

[Drew]:  “Do I see anyone that we know and have talked to before?” 

[Jordan]:  “You see Nnelg walking by.”

[Drew]:  “I mean Nnelg is one of the sneeple he wouldn’t have the charm on him I don’t think.”

[Jordan]:  “You asked if you recognize someone familiar.  You see Nnelg.     

[Drew]:  “Alright I’m…”  Pauses to think for a while  “Wait I have a surefire idea that is always endearing no matter where you are.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh this is going to be good…”

[Drew]:  “Alright, so I go up to a random townsperson.”

[Arlo]:  “Uh, hello there!  Name’s Arlo, good to meet cha!  How are ya?”

[Townsperson]:  “I-I’m doing fine, and yourself?”

[Arlo]:  “I-I’m doing quite well.  Now tell me, what’s your favorite sport?”

[Townsperson]:  “Oh, my favorite sport!  Hm…well truth be told I’m not really one for the sports I’m more for the hard book reading if you know what I mean. I just prefer to crack open a nice refreshing book on a nice warm day and that’s my activity!”

[Arlo]:  “Well that sounds absolutely lovely!  And what’s, I guess changing gears, what’s your favorite book m’friend?”

[Townsperson]: “Ah my favorite book…well that would have to be…”

[Jordan]:  Sharp intake of breath  “I wish I read more books!”

[Drew]:  “You can make up a book my dude, this is a fant- you control the entire world!  Like none of our books would actually exist.  You can just say a thing, you can just say like a-”

[Jordan]:  “Fine! You make up a fucking book title and see how easy it is to do on the fucking spot!”

[[Christina giggles]]

[Jordan]:  “Asswipe.”

[Drew]:  “The History of Living Arboreal Beings in…Fandolin.” 

[Jordan]:  “Mm, riveting.”

[Drew]:  “I don’t fucking know.  It’s a book title, it works.”

[Jordan]:  Sarcastically  “Thank you!”

[[Drew laughs]]

[Christina]:  “Of Mermaids and Men, The Romantic Comedy.” 

[Jordan]:  “YES!”

[Drew]:  “Dammit that’s good!”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  Laughing “Alright, yes it’s that.”   

[Drew]: “Ahhh!”

[Townsperson]:  “Of Mermaids and Men of course, that has to be my favorite, it’s a classic you know.  Can’t go wrong with the classics.”

[Arlo]: “Oh yeah!  That’s written by RA Digby, right?”

[Townsperson]:  “Yes!  The very one.”

[Arlo]: “And correct me if I’m wrong but RA Digby’s greatest rival in writing is um…QB Squiggly..”

[Townsperson]: “I’m personally not a fan of Squiggly’s writing but y’know, I can appreciate what they go for.”

[Arlo]:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah – like y’know I’ve alway been an RA fan so just kind of, fuck Squiggly am I right?”

[Townsperson]:  “I mean I wouldn’t go quite that far with it, that seems a little harsh…”

[Arlo]:  “I mean I dunno, there was that whole big debacle where they had that blood feud for awhile and like you-”


[Drew]:  Laughs  “So I kind of gracefully exit the conversation because I’m sure you don’t want me to roleplay that out.”

[Jordan]:  Pleading “No!!  Move on, please!!”

[Drew]:  Still laughing “And then I go tell them, yeah he’s enchanted.  The guy’s hella enchanted bruh.”

[Jordan]:  Sighs  “He’s under the effect of a charm spell of some sort.  Exactly like how Saithe was when she grabbed the key.”  

[Arlo]:  “I mean he was under the effect of some manner of charm spell but he was also quite an enchanting man, very interesting, good conversationalist.”

[Caitie]:  Deadpan “Jesus. Christ.  Andrew, I swear to god.  So they are indeed enchanted, just as I had assumed, we know the information now, I’m pleased enough.”  

[Drew]:  “Can I also take a quick minute to look at the dagger?”

[Jordan]:  “I want to say no out of spite.”  Sighs  “You look at the dagger and there is nothing magical about it.”

[Drew]:  “That is arguably more suspicious than it being hella magical.”

[[Music switches back to light town music]]

[Jordan]:  “So do you guys just want to wait until nighttime, for your reconnaissance of Sisava or did you guys want to do something else doing the daytime?”

[Caitie]:  “I’m good!”

[Drew]:  “I-”

[Christina]:  “Yep, other than maybe like trying to take like a healing potion I’m good.”

[Jordan]:  “I mean given that, I mean when this next part would happen you guys can just take a long rest.”  

[Christina]: “Okay.”

[Caitie]: “Yeah.’

[Jordan]:  “As you guys are having your rest- Arlo, your speaking stone begins to go off.”

[Arlo]:  “You’ve reached the good doctor Arlo Agon, how can I help ya?”

[Raiann]:  “This is Raiann speaking.  I’ve managed to compile Bookworm’s findings as to that relic you were asking about.”

[Arlo]:  “Well many thanks my… my sensei.”   

[Raiann]:  “It’s better… So, it turns out that this ‘Fang of Merrshaulk’ is actually a yuan-ti relic.  Something that they used to use in sacrificial ceremonies a long time ago.  Apparently they believed if they offered enough blood to their deity through it that they would be able to ascend to godhood themselves.”

[Arlo]:  “Ah yes, the old blood for the blood god thing.”

[Saithe]:  “That’s not good!”

[Raiann]:  “Typically not; however, there have been no reportings of such a thing for quite some time.  Then again, the yuan-ti have no reason to report such things.  So it just means they’re being more secretive about it than they once were.”

[Arlo]:  “Hm…”

[Raiann]:  “Curiosity’s sake, why were you inquiring about this?”

[Arlo]:  “Well, we asked about it because we um, we saw a large number of our sneeple friends gathered around that relic.”

[Raiann]:  Surprised  “There’s a Fang of Merrshaulk in the town?”

[Arlo]:  “There is indeed.”

[Raiann]:  “Hm.”

[Saithe]:  “We’ve confirmed that the people of the town are under an enchantment.”

[Raiann]:  “Hm.  I see. Did you manage to ascertain as to how this spell is being cast upon an entire population?”

[Arlo]:  “That’s our mission for tonight ma’am.”

[Raiann]:  “Go on.”

[Arlo]:  “We’re going to be pulling a bit of a stealth mission to perform reconnaissance on Granaphor’s right hand – a man by the name of Sisava.  One of the yuan-ti.”

[Raiann]:  “Hm, I see.  Be exceptionally careful about this.  Obviously if you are discovered during this this could cause some major political upset. Of course finding out that half the town is apparently under the control of potentially the yuan-ti, it is still maybe a moot point but all the same, be careful.”

[Arlo]:  “We’ll be as quiet as a library mouse.”

[Saithe]:  “Yes ma’am.”

[Raiann]:  “Alright, report back to me in the morning.  Raiann out.”

[Jordan]:  “And she hangs up.  You guys also notice that as you end the call 7 has opened up a little journal and is writing to himself in it.”

[Saithe]:  “What cha writing there bud?”

[Jordan]:  “He immediately closes the book, hides it behind his back and says-”

[7]:  Quickly  “Nothing.”

[Saithe]: “Are you…are you writing poetry?”

[7]:  Quickly again  “No.”

[[Drew starts laughing]]

[Caitie]:  “Saithe is going to try to grab for the book.”

[[Christina laugh]]

[Drew]: “Oh no…no!”

[Jordan]:  “Opposed sleight of hand check.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay let’s see…that’s a…30!”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah you got his notebook!”

[Caitie]:  “Is it full of poetry?”

[Drew]: “I’m imagining with like a 30 she, she just like grabs for it and then he tries to take it back and he looks in his hands and it’s straight up not there and she is already ten feet away with the notebook.”

[Jordan]:  “Probably yeah.”

[Caitie]:  “Hah!”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so you manage to get the notebook, open it, and sure enough he is writing dark, brooding poetry the last entry of which you see involves something around, it’s more of like a page of ideas on topics, and just says- quiet as a library mouse.”    

[[Drew starts laughing]]

[Christina]:  Amused “I love that I’ve created this existential upset in his entire being.”

[[Caitie giggles]]

[Jordan]:  “There’s also several other ‘quiet as the-’ and then something else that he has attempted to write in and then scratched out.”

[[All chuckle]]

[Drew]:  “Yes.”

[Caitie]: “That’s too perfect.”  Reiterates  “That is too perfect!”

[Jordan]:  “He manages to run up and snatch it back like-”

[7]:  “Please don’t.”

[Caitie]:  “You know what.”

[Drew]:  Evilly in the background  “Do it, do it!”

[Christina]: “Is this shared in front of everyone or is this something only Saithe saw?”

[Jordan]:  “As of right now only she is aware of this.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright guys, high for… high or low, alright?  Which one is Saithe being mean and the other one Saithe being nice.”

[Drew]:  “High baby, you’ve been rollin’ hot all night!”

[Jordan]:  Snickers  “The one time she rolls a nat 1.”

[Caitie]:  Pauses  “I actually rolled a 19.”

[Jordan]:  “Well then.”

[Drew]:  “Oh yeah.”

[Caitie]:  “So Saithe is kinda gonna-”  Trips on her words  “God I feel like I’m speaking 90’s lyrics from a rap song or something… Saithe is going to kind of laugh, and she’s going to recite the poem out loud.”

[[Jordan starts laughing]]

[Drew]: “God damn!  You’re like a – I thought you were just gonna tell us, that’s some high school bully shit.”

[[Jordan still laughing]]

[Drew]:  “Holy shit, that’s messed up!”

[[Caitie chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “7 turns bright red, like normal tiefling color-”

[Caitie]:  “Are you saying I’m not a normal tiefling color?”

[Christina]:  “Okay but a tear falls down Terra’s face and she was like-”

[Winterra]:  “That was beautiful.”

[Jordan]:  “He just turns away and walks out of the room, very ashamed.”

[Caitie]: “Awww. Now I feel bad.”

[Christina]:  “Awwwww!”

[Drew]:  “Saithe just has this ever growing list of enemies.”

[Jordan]:  “It’s okay!  This guy is not dangerous in any…wait.”

[Saithe]:  “In all seriousness, his poetry is actually pretty good.”

[Arlo]:  “I mean yeah, I don’t know what he was so worried about.  That was uh, that was pretty solid there.  I mean I’m not much one for poetry but I felt moved.”

[Jordan]:  “Rhelynn speaks up-”

[Rhelynn]:  “Please don’t harass him too much on it, he’s pretty sensitive about that kind of stuff actually.”

[Saithe]:  “Sensitivity is a good trait in men.  It means they’re easier to kill!”

[[Christina giggles]]

[Arlo]:  “Saithe I…Saithe…”

[Saithe]:  “I’m kidding!”

[Rhelynn]:  “I don’t think you are…”

[Saithe]:  “I’m kidding!!”

[Christina]:  “No, but Terra chimes in she’s like-”

[Winterra]:  “No that’s true!”

[Arlo]:  “What are both of your lives?”

[Winterra]:  “You have to be strong and tough, that’s what my family taught me!” 

[Saithe]:  “No worries, I have absolutely no intention of murdering 7; in fact, I’d like to do some murdering WITH 7.”  Pauses  “We’re both assassins.”

[Jordan]:  “On that note I’m going to forcibly end this scene and move it along.”

[[Drew chuckles]]

[[Music shifts to fast paced techno sounding bongos]]

[Jordan]:  “So you guys rest up here, reset everything that you guys need, do your prep for the mission ahead and then you head out. You guys make your way over to the east side of town where you know where the yuan-ti temple is.  It goes through a desert that is between two mountains.  And you just kind of wait out there for Sisava, and I need all of you guys to make me stealth checks.”

[Drew]:  “Did we get our pass without trace first?”

[Christina]:  “Can I just say that I cast pass without trace- yeah?”

[Jordan]:  “I assume so”

[Drew]:  “That’s a 19 on the die, so…I don’t think we need to do math on that.”

[Caitie]:  “28!”

[Christina]: “It’s a plus 10 for pass without trace.” Giggles

[Drew]:  “Th-that’s a 29.”

[Christina]:  “24.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.  So a little bit of time passes and eventually as you were told Sisava does in fact begin to make his way out of town.  You guys follow him for a good bit, it takes about an hour before you guys manage to get to the yuan-ti temple.  Unless you guys wanted to try to intercept him prior to, I assume you guys were following him straight to the temple.”

[Christina]:  “Mhm.”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.”

[Christina]:  “See if there’s any mischievous stuff going on there…”

[Drew]:  “Yep yep.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay so as you come up to the temple, what you guys see looks like these large ruins that seem to be several stories high, there’s several stone statues of snakelike creatures- some that look like regular serpents, some that look like snakes with humanoid features, some that just look like, unlike anything you’ve ever seen.  And there are torches lit along a set of stairs that go up to the temple entrance.  And you see Sisava heading up that way. As you guys make your way up, once you see the entrance to the temple you do not see Sisava anymore because there’s like an immediate turn in there.  So in order to have maintained your stealth it did unfortunately cost you line of sight with him, but you do know he is somewhere in this temple.  So, now comes the fun part where we get to do a little bit of dungeon crawling.”

[Caitie]:  “Let’s do this.”

[Drew]: “Dun dun duuuuun.” 

[Caitie]:  “Did you make us a map this time?”

[Jordan]:  “Nope!  Y’all don’t have a map this time, sorry!” 

[Drew]:  “Oh dear.”

[Jordan]:  Smugly “I do though.”

[Drew]:  “I don’t like any part of how you said that.”

[Caitie]:  Faux under her breath, jokingly  “You bitch!”

[Jordan]:  “I will tell you this though, just as a point of advice, one of you might want to think about like…having a map made.  Or like, making one yourselves just to make your lives easier.”

[Caitie]:  “How…would we..?”

[Drew]:  “Alright.”

[Jordan]:  “Like someone to just mark the, like make one as you go, just for simplicity’s sake just in case you need to navigate better.”

[Caitie]:  “Ooooh.”

[Arlo]:  “Who’s our best navigator?”

[Saithe]:  “Mmmm…”

[Jordan]:  “That’s a good question actually…”

[Caitie]:  “What would like…how would we determine that?”

[Christina]:  “We-”

[Drew]:  “Would that be like survival?”

[Jordan]:  “Uhm…yeah probably!”

[Drew]:  “That’s probably going to be Winterra just off of Wisdom score.”

[Saithe]:  “Not me!”

[Christina]:  “I actually-  I actually don’t have proficiency in survival.  I only have a plus 2 to that.”

[Saithe]:  “Same.”

[Drew]:  “Oh welp, I’ve got a plus 3 so I guess I’ll make the map.”

[Jordan]:  Amused  “As you guys are debating who’s actually the best person for this – Forngal speaks up.”

[Drew]:  Surprised  “Wait, what!?”

[Forngal]:  “Actually, like I’m pretty good at this kind of stuff.”

[Jordan]:  “But yeah, Forngal has a survival bonus of 6.”

[Drew]:  “Jesus fuck.”

[Jordan]:  “So technically he is-”

[Caitie]:  “Nice.”

[Jordan]:  “So technically he’d be the best one for this.”

[Arlo]:  “Alright Forngal, I guess you’re on map duty.”

[Forngal]:  “Awesome!”

[Jordan]:  “So I guess I’ll just say if you guys need to recall anything I’ll just give you advantage on it since Forngal’s with you guys.  So what’s the order you guys are going in?”

[Drew]:  “I should probably go in first just because of my ability to take hits.”

[Caitie]:  “Or we could do the sneaky trap finder first?  So she can pick out any traps that are there or other bad things.”

[Drew]:  “Mmm, I mean fair enough.  So I guess we’ll go Saithe, then Arlo, then Terra.”

[Jordan]:  “So as you guys enter, like I said there’s an immediate turn as you go in there.  As you walk down the corridor, Saithe give me a perception check.”

[Caitie]:  “22…er, 26.”

[Jordan]:  Sarcastically “Oh well shit, that changes everything.”  Normally  “So as you guys are walking along you notice that there is a little switch on the floor that if one of you guys had stepped on would have triggered the trap so you point it out to everyone and you are able to clear through that one just fine.”

[Drew]:  “Woo!”

[Caitie]: “Woot!”

[Jordan]:  “As you make your way down the hallway you come across an intersection. You have a path forward and a path to your right.  Which one do you take?”

[Caitie]:  “What is the – okay, so this is an indoor temple obviously, is there any obvious scuffing on the floor to show which way has more movement?  Like more foot traffic?”

[Jordan]:  “Roll me investigation.”

[Caitie]:  “That’s a..that’s another 26.”

[Jordan]:  “It looks like there’s more sort of tracks or dust trails that lead off to the right.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright, I’m gonna point out the right to them.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so you make your way down to the right which leads you into a large room.  Now there are several things that you see in here from where you’re standing.  There are about 8 pillars just kind of holding up the roof of the room, and from where you are standing you can see 3 potential ways to go. Er, I’m sorry 2 potential ways to go, I misspoke.  There is what looks like a kitchen area off to the far left and ahead of you is another corridor and to the right of you is another corridor.  However, you also see 6 weird snakelike creatures that seem to be patrolling this particular room.  They almost look like some weird combination of a serpent and a dragon-like creature, but they don’t really have any humanoid properties like most yuan-ti do.  They just appear to be more monstrous in nature.”

[Drew]:  In wonder  “A snagon!”

[Caitie]:  “Would I know what- it’s a snagon – would I know what the species is?”

[Jordan]:  “Um…no.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay.  So the first thing that we could do, is one by one, go behind the pillars, but you guys would have to definitely crush your sneak rolls.”

[Jordan]:  “If you guys want to do it individually I’m going to require individual stealth checks from all of you.  If you want to try and do it as a group in some way then I would only require one.”

[Christina]: “Mm…and I was going to say, we have to stay, you have to stay within 30 feet of me for the pass without trace to be maintained.”

[Caitie]:  “We have to what?”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, in order for you to go to either entrance would break the 30 feet.”

[Caitie]:  “So if we do it the group way, I assume it would be an average of, or, or the best person-”

[Jordan]:  “I would just need-”

[Caitie]:  “-or the best person’s ability to sneak?”

[Jordan]:  “I would just need one of you guys to do it, I wouldn’t care who.  I assume I know who it would be but…”

[[Christina chuckles]]

[Caitie]:  “Alright, let’s just do it as a group.”

[Christina]:  “Let’s just proceed through as a group.”

[Drew]:  “I mean obviously the one we want to roll that sneak roll, gotta be Forngal.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, do it!”

[Drew]:  Laughs  “No.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh my go-”

[Jordan]:  “I will say, roll it with disadvantage.  Just because it’s for the group so.”

[Christina]:  “You do get an additional plus 10 to whatever the fuck your additional ridiculousness is though, so…”

[Caitie]:  Under her breath  “It’s actually a plus 20.”

[Jordan]:  Tsks  “You know what, which direction you going?”

[[Drew and Caitie laugh]] 

[Drew]:  “I feel like one day if we run into anyone that listens to the podcast they’re just going to hug Jordan and be like ‘You poor man.  All of you stay away from him!  It’s okay, it’s okay, they can’t hurt you anymore.’” 

[[Caitie chuckles]]

[Jordan]:  “Which direction are you going, forward or right?”

[Caitie]:  “Uh…which way looks more travelled?”

[Jordan]:  “That’s gonna be another investigation.”

[Caitie]:  “23.”

[Jordan]:  “There’s a fair amount of foot traffic going to the kitchen area, but aside from that it’s mostly going to the right.”

[Caitie]:  “Okay, let’s go towards the right.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so as you guys are making your way over there, because you’re trying to be quick and also avoid any form of detection – first thing’s first, on your way over there you see there was actually another passageway you could take in that same direction.  So if you’re heading towards what would have been the right passage, that is now the forward passage, there’s another one also to your right that you could not have seen because it was on the same wall.”

[Caitie]:  “Ooh.”

[Jordan]:  “Which of those do you want to take?  Original path, or new one you didn’t know about?”

[Christina]: “So it’d be like making a u-turn basically, to take the new path?”

[Jordan]:  “It’d basically be like you’d be back in the same direction as when you came from but it’s down a different corridor.”  

[Caitie]:  “Do you guys want to go down the new one?  The road less travelled?”

[Drew]: “I mean, new secret path sounds promising.”

[Caitie]:  “Let’s go down the new secret path.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay, so you make your way down there and it leads you into this big open room, there’s not really anything in there.  As you continue to make your way down, you come across a- you have three options to go to now.  Left, right, or forward. From where you are, you hear some form of noises coming from the left.  You don’t really hear anything coming from the front or rightmost passages.”

[Caitie]:  “What do the sounds sound like?  Is it like chanting or..?”

[Jordan]:  “Um, it’s…like a light muttering.  It sounds like people are talking but you can’t- like you’re way too far away from whatever the source of it is to actually be able to hear it.”

[Caitie]:  “Mmkay… My guess is probably that the left is like a meeting hall.  Or like some dead end-”

[Drew]:  “Or it could be some exposition.”

[Caitie]: “I’m gonna do anoth-”

[[Jordan snorts]]

[Caitie]:  “-or it could be some exposition… Do we wanna just go up close enough that we can find- hear the conversation?”

[Christina]: “Well you still have really high stealth.  What if you just like go a little bit more forward ahead than we are?  In order to try to like get a better scope of things.”

[Caitie]:  “Alright, I’ll do that.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so you’re heading down the path to the left?”     

[Caitie]:  “Yep.”

[Jordan]:  “Roll me perception.”

[Caitie]: “25!  Wait, 26!”

[Jordan]:  “That’s your golden number this time isn’t it?  Um…”

[Caitie]:  “It really is my golden number- I keep rolling 18.  Like that, every time.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so you see another switch on the ground that you almost stepped on but you manage to avoid it just in time.  So you make your way down- as you do you come across on your right there looks like what’s a prison cell, but there’s no one in there for the moment. And then you also come across another hallway that looks like it leads back into the same room that you saw the 6 snagons, is that what you called them?”

[Drew]:  “Ayep!”

[Caitie]:  “Snagons.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah, 6 snagons that were in originally, so you now know where that other path led, it was just a big circle.  You see another 3 way intersection, but with your darkvision you can tell that the room ahead is actually like a large what almost looks like a…what looks like a sort of a ritual area, or a place where someone would give a sort of speech or a sermon.  And that is also where you hear the voices coming from.  You do not, there is also more corridors leading to the left and right, as you come up- actually, what do you choose to do?”

[Caitie]: “I mean, no no, you can continue if you want.” Giggles

[Jordan]:  “No, no I stopped for a reason.  What do you do?”

[Caitie]:  “Alright so…I think I want to as carefully as possible try to get a view into the ritual area and try to see if Sisava is in there.  Like do I recognize any of the voices now that I can hear them?”

[Jordan]:  “Roll me…investigation.”

[Caitie]: “27!”

[Jordan]:  “You can’t make out the exact words that they are saying.  But you can see that there are three hooded figures in there.  Two of them sound eerily like Sisava.  The third one-”  Pauses “-sounds like some greasy blond haired motherfucker.” 

[Caitie]:  “Noooooooooo-”

[Drew]: “Fuckboy supreme returns again!”

[Caitie]  “-ooooooooo.  Alright I’m gonna get just a little closer to see if I can hear the conversation.”

[Jordan]:  “Roll me another perception check.”

[Caitie]: “You’re not gonna believe this. It’s another 26.”

[Jordan]: “Good lord woman!  You and your fucking 26’s.”

[Caitie]:  “It’s like – it’s like when we did the first session, it was all 15’s.”

[Jordan]:  As an aside  “Jesus…”  Normally  “Alright, so as you manage to, er- as you attempt to make your way up you notice out of the corner of your eye there are two more squads of snagons making their way over towards where you are.”

[Caitie]:  “Is there anywhere I can hide, like-”

[Jordan]:  “You would have to backtrack a little bit.”

[Caitie]:  “I will backtrack a little bit.”

[Jordan]:  “So as you go back you come back across the opening that leads into the large open area with the other snagons- you know that’s a bad idea because the thing you’re running from is there.   The only other option that you have at this point is to go to the cell that you saw, or to regroup with everyone else.”

[Caitie]:  “You know what, I will do that.  I’ll regroup with everyone else and tell them Ash is here.”

[Jordan]: “Okay, so yeah you guys see that Saithe comes back over to you guys and she relays that information to you all so you are all now aware that you have 12 snagon heading your way as well as the fact that Ash is present and speaking with 2 people, at least 1 of which is probably Sisava, but again they both have what sounds like the same voice.”

[Winterra]:  “I dunno, leader what do you think?”

[Arlo]:  “Well, there’s no real way that we can engage them openly, not with ol’ fuckboy supreme backing ‘em up there.  So we need to either find a way to take him out of the equation and come at ‘em that way, find a way to get there stealthily so that we can listen into that conversation, or maybe there’s some way we can disguise ourselves – I’m just kind of spitballing here.”

[Caitie]:  “I’m really pissed I didn’t take that cantrip where I can disguise myself.”

[Drew]:  “Why would you not take that, that’s so useful!”

[Jordan]:  “I do want to toss out one thing, just to remind you about this one Caitie.  Your cat has alter self.”

[Caitie]:  Gasps  “My cat has alter self!!”

[Drew]:  “Oh my gawd!!!” Pauses  “Oh my good golly gosh.”

[Caitie]:  “She’s going to ask Modi to do the thing, to turn into a…should he turn into a sneeple or a snagon?”

[Christina]:  “I mean if he turned into a snagon and then took out one of the other snagons, then blended in with a group of 6 snagons it would fit in.”

[Caitie]:  “I’ll do a snagon.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, you manage to turn Modi into a snagon- just a further reminder since apparently you don’t remember how any of this shit works, you currently have a telepathic link set up with Modi and he speaks through you. So-”

[Caitie]:  “Mhm.”

[Jordan]:  “-you’re going to be in control of him for this but your body is still separate from his.  So you guys manage to hide from the immediate area.  Saithe you are in control of Snagon Modi.  What do you do?”

[Caitie]:  “Snagon Modi is going to go back towards the- you know what he’s actually going to wait until the group of other snagon pass.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright…so you see them both coming down, one group veers off and goes into like the larger room, but the other group does come up towards you. And then one of them comes up and says-”

[Snagon]:  “What are you doing here?  Where’s your group?”

[Snagon Modi]:  “I am a new recruit.”

[Snagon]:  “Ahh.  New brood.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “Yes.  I am here to both worship and support!”

[Snagon]:  “Ahh…you talk smart like.  Impressive.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “I am from-”

[Snagon]:  “Come, come new brood.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “-the outer rims.”

[Jordan]:  “Uh…”

[Drew]:  “The outer rims…”

[Jordan]:  Under his breath  “Oh my god the outer rims…”

[Caitie]:  “The outer rims.”

[Drew]:  Under his breath  “The outer rims…too much.”

[Christina]:  Quietly and pessimistically  “They almost succeeded.”

[Snagon]: “Ah…what?”

[Snagon Modi]:  “It matters not.  Please, lead me.”

[Snagon]:  “Okay, let us go.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, he continues going in the direction of all of you.”

[[Christina snorts]]

[Drew]:  “Oh peener.”

[Jordan]:  Amused  “They’re getting close, is there anything you would like to try and do with Modi?”

[Caitie]:  “Dot dot dot, loading…loading…loading…loading”

[Jordan]:  “Are you talking about an app or your thoughts?”

[Caitie]:  “My thoughts.”

[[Jordan laughs]]

[Drew]:  “Wondrous.”

[[Christina laughs]]

[Jordan]:  “It’s just the wii music up in there.”

[Caitie]: “What do you think Skynyrd?”  [[Note:  Skynyrd is one of Caitie’s 5 cats]]

[[Drew starts humming the wii music, Christina chuckles]]

[Caitie]:  “Skynyrd I need your opinion.”

[Jordan]: “Oh my christ, are we actually asking your fucking cat?”

[Caitie]:  “I mean…I’m playing a cat so…”

[Jordan]:  “Based on the conversations you’ve been having with them so far, these things are pretty fucking stupid.”

[Caitie]:  “I mean, that’s right, I mean you’re right…”

[Jordan]:  “So these things aren’t like hyper intelligent creatures, like it’s a miracle they can form sentences.”   

[Drew]:  “Hah, nice.”

[[Christina laughs]]

[Jordan]:  “So this may not be like a super complicated puzzle to get them to go somewhere else.  It may be pretty easy to trick them.”

[Caitie]:  “Guys, how should I trick the dum dums?”

[Christina]: “Why don’t you just ask them, hey what’s down this other hallway?”

[Caitie]: “Oh yeah, okay.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “What’s down this hallway over here?”

[Jordan]:  “They all stop, turn around and say.”

[Snagons]:  “Ah, food’s there.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “Foooood.”

[Snagons]:  “Fooood.”

[Jordan]:  “And they all start saying ‘food’ over and over again.”

[[Drew and Christina start laughing]]

[Christina]:  “A group after Terra’s own heart.”

[Snagon Modi]:  “We should food!”

[Snagon]:  “We should food, should food, yes food, food!”

[Jordan]:  “And they all start heading towards the meal hall.”

[Drew]:  In disbelief  “Oh my god.”

[[Christina laughs more]]

[Drew]:  “We’ve been sitting here deliberating and all we had to do was ‘we should food’ and they’re like ‘oh fuck yeah dawg!’  Oh my god!!  That was embarrassing to all of us!”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah it’s almost like I intentionally made them talk like fucking neanderthals or something.”

[Caitie]:  Giggles  “I feel so dumb right now.  I feel dumber than the fucking god damned…”

[Christina]:  “Snagons.”

[Caitie]:  “Snagons.  Alright, Modi is going to turn around and go back towards where big bads are hanging out and try to listen in on their conversation.”

[Jordan]:  “So he makes his way over to them and…is he trying to hide?”

[Caitie]:  “Yes.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, roll stealth.”

[Caitie]:  “30.”

[Jordan]:  “Oh, my actual god.”

[Caitie]:  “What?”

[Christina]:  “Thank goodness you’re rolling high today.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, so-”

[Drew]: “There is no god, only Saithe’s insane stealth rolls.”

[[Christina giggles]]

[Jordan]:  “For real, shit.  Alright, is Modi still a snagon?” 

[Caitie]: “Yes.”

[Jordan]:  “Okay.”

[[Music changes to mysterious sounding piano music]]

[Jordan]:  “So Modi makes his way into the room that you saw the 2 people and Ash in there and manages to tuck himself away pretty well.  And he gets to a point where he can overhear the conversation and since you have a telepathic link you can also overhear the conversation.”  

[Ash]:  “Are you sure you’re going to be able to get this done before the election is over?”

[Jordan]:  “And this is Ash speaking.  Followed by one of the other hooded creatures that says-”

[Hooded Creature 1]:  “Of course we will, I keep telling you it is fine. Granaphor is none the wiser as to our intentions, nor of our manipulation of the townsfolk.  He continues to preach on about equality for the lesser races and we continue to gain surveillance and influence.  There is no problems to be had our friend.”  

[Ash]:  “Well for your sake I certainly hope so.  I’m betting a lot on you guys being able to do all of this.  After all, it’s no fun if there’s no suffering to be had.  That being said, I still think it might be easier if you were to employ my help a little more…liberally.”

[Jordan]:  “And he pulls out a small gem, it’s like this weird black crystal sort of thing.  It’s spiky and jagged from all angles and the other hooded figure says-”

[Hooded Creature 2]:  “No, no, no.  We insist on doing this our own way. We have no need to influence Granaphor’s mind directly.  Simply keep him happy and doing what he thinks.  Then, when the time is right we will be sure to…unleash our own destructive impulses.  I assure you, regardless of the results of the election you will have your suffering.  It is only a matter of time before we unleash Granaphor’s true potential and reclaim what was rightfully ours.  Isn’t that right, brother?”

[Jordan]:  “And the other figure turns back and says-”

[Sisava]:  “Indeed my dear sister, we shall see that Merrshaulk’s will is carried out.  Without the outside interference of others. Though your concern is still appreciated.”

[Jordan]:  Rolls  “So, you overhear all of this Saithe.  And then similar to last time you listened in on him, you see Ash sniff the air.  And he says-”

[Ash]:  “I thought you said there were only the three of us in here?”

[Sisava]:  “There are only the three of us.”

[Ash]:  “Right…one moment please.”

[Jordan]:  “And he walks over to where Modi is hiding.”

[Caitie]:  “Modi’s just gonna kinda like…he’s like, sitting there playing with a thread on his robes, like looking entirely way too fascinated.”

[Jordan]:  “These things do not wear clothes.”

[Caitie]:  “Oh… he’s looking at a particular scale on his skin, that is particularly shiny, and he’s moving it back and forth to catch the light, just entirely too fascinated.”

[Jordan]:  “So Ash comes over and sees this and says-”

[Ash]:  “Some of your trash found its way in.  Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

[Jordan]:  “And he summons his glaive.”

[Snagon Modi]: “Oh, you truly are god, they did tell me so.  Am looking for foods, am in wrong place.”

[Ash]:  “Well, you are certainly in the wrong place.  Definitely at the wrong time.”

[Jordan]:  “And he stabs down, in that instance Modi bursts into flames and then reforms back by your side Saithe.”

[Caitie]: “Oh okay good, he’s uninjured.”

[Jordan]:  “Yeah no, like I said, familiar rules.”

[Caitie]:  “She’s going to scratch him behind the ears, pick him up, put him back on her shoulder and then she’s going to quickly say-”

[Saithe]: “We need to get outta here.”

[Jordan]:  “As you say that, you hear a deep, guttural roar-” 

[[Intense roaring sound echoes through the temple]]

[Jordan]:  “-coming from the chamber where you saw them.  As Ash and the two other people come out looking pissed.  And that is where we shall pause our tale for now.”

[[Music stops]]

[Caitie]:  “Aw, man.”

[Jordan]:  “Nice try!”

[Drew]:  “Bum, bum, buuuuuum.”

[Caitie]:  “Fair eno- oh my god how has it been an hour and forty minutes!”

[Jordan]:  “Uh, because y’all fucked around with things that didn’t need fucking around with.”

[Drew]:  “Damn.”

[Caitie]:  “We did fuck around a lot.”

[Jordan]:  “Thank y’all so much for joining us, if you like what you heard then please head on over to our patreon over at where you can check out our aftershow ‘Peek Behind the Screen’ where we talk about all the crazy things that happened and maybe some, get some insight into how these guys plan on getting the fuck outta dodge. ‘Cause, mmm, not a great place they’re in.  Of course-”

[Caitie]:  “Nope!”

[Jordan]:  “-if you also subscribe you can also get our next episode a whole week earlier than everybody else so hey, there’s some good incentive for you there.  Of course we also have facebook, twitter, and instagram where you can follow us there. We do semi regular updates on things going on with the channel and just other things that we happen to find, y’know, just the ushe.  

Speaking of the ushe, we’ve got some plugs.  First up we have ‘Just Cheesecakes by Tina Rose’ a local South Charlotte bakery that specializes in exclusively cheesecakes. They’ve got tons of different things they can do, they’ve got all manner of cookie, candy bar, fruit, generic, any kind of flavor you can think of, even some other crazier ones, you’ve really gotta check out their facebook site for that one so you can really see exactly what they bring to the table.  Again, that is ‘Just Cheesecakes by Tina Rose.’  

I realise I did that out of order from how I usually do it, anyway- next up we have ‘Black Feather Graphics’ a freelance graphic artist, they helped us out with the show for our own logo and all of our things on our social medias that we use.  They’ve also helped out a bunch of other people with some of their own logos and projects, as well as various other things, apparel, things of that nature.  Check them out at

I believe all that leaves is Kinetic Concepts, I’ll let the person more qualified talk about that one.”

[Drew]:  “Yep yep!  So Kinetic Concepts Personal Training.  I know I normally plug Kinetic Concepts but and you can still check us out on instagram- Kinetic Concepts CLT on instagram, but I also want to take this moment to give a shoutout to my little sister Avery who did our character art that you can see over on all our social media.  Like our official character art, it’s really well done- I’m very proud of her.”

[Jordan]:  “It’s all really fucking cool.”

[Drew]:  “It is so dope.”

[Caitie]:  “And speaking of art that was customized to our characters, please check out ‘SailorSpookyArt’ on twitter, she also did a custom art piece for us.  If you would like to- if you would like her to do a custom character…what’s the word…commision!  She’s actually very affordable and her artwork is just pretty darn awesome to look at.  So please, check out SailorSpookyArt on Twitter, give her a shout, give her some shares, she is super duper awesome, and I hope you enjoy her custom character art on all of our social media platforms.”

[Jordan]:  “Alright, I guess that’s gonna do it for us this time.  As I said last time I am still needing any help on spells and magic items.  If you guys can think of ‘em just go ahead and put them on any of our social medias, again that is facebook and instagram at Agents of DAMNED, and twitter at AgentsofD.  Please leave us a review on itunes and things of that sort, kind of helps really get the word out on the show and just really y’know share with a friend, family, person that you think might like this!  Just, whoever, and anything you guys can do to help spread the show just really helps us out and lets us know that you’re enjoying what you’re hearing. So until next time, bye!”

[Caitie]:  “Bye everybody!!”

[Christina]:  “Byyyyyee!”

[Drew]:  “Byyye!”

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