Having just learned of Ash’s presence in Silverymoon, how will the Agents manage to solve this political debacle and keep the town safe from his pungent brand of evil?
Transcript
Planning Ahead
[[Intro music plays]]
[Jordan]: “Hello everyone and welcome back to Agents of DAMNED! Our DnD let’s play podcast featuring myself, your sometimes benevolent, often malevolent Dungeon Master, your lord Jordan Roman.”
[Caitie]: Quietly “Jesus Christ…”
[Drew]: “What the…what the fuck was that part?”
[Jordan]: “Oh I’m sorry, did you notice the little extra thing I added?”
[Caitie]: “Lord though?”
[Drew]: “Yeah…you’re lord? Are you high on your own supply there my dude?”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Jordan]: “No, no, no. Actually that’s not the case, um, that was also not a joke!” Chuckles “I’m actually a lord.”
[Caitie]: “Wait what?! Since when?”
[Christina]: “What?”
[Drew]: “How are you a lord?”
[Jordan]: “Apparently since February, it was supposed to be a wedding gift for me but y’know – COVID…”
[Caitie]: “What…”
[Jordan]: “Yeah, I’m a Scottish Lord, what up.”
[Caitie]: “I…”
[Drew]: “Well I mean I’m a knight so…I think that beats lord.”
[Christina]: “Uh…”
[Drew]: “I’m quite sure.”
[Jordan]: “I don’t think you understand how that whole feudal system works.”
[Drew]: “No, it goes knight, and then like squire, and then like lord, and then guy who sells jerky from a cart.”
[Christina]: “And then cabbage man!”
[Jordan]: “I don’t think that’s how that one works-”
[Drew]: “And then cabbage man!”
[Jordan]: “Anyway who are you guys?”
[Caitie]: “Hi guys I’m Caitie and I play Saithe!”
[Christina]: “Hey guys! I’m Christina, I play Winterra.”
[Drew]: “And I’m Drew McClain and I play the good doctor Arlo Agon.”
[Jordan]: “Alright so, back padding aside, why don’t we just go ahead and jump right on into this thing with a little recap on what happened last time. Because I really want to see where we go with this one. So – last time, the Agents split up with Second Chance to speak with each of the mayoral candidates individually about the current state of Silverymoon and the election. Arlo and Rhelynn went to speak with Niavara who made her concerns about the presence of a beholder and a tribe of yuan-ti known. Winterra and Forngal spoke with Seebo, who seemed far more interested in using Winterra and Arlo for an experiment than he did concerned about Granaphor. Finally, Saithe and 7 spoke to Granaphor directly. While trying to stay on Granaphor’s good side, Saithe learned that Granaphor had been nursed back to health by the yuan-ti nearly a year ago. While recalling this tale, Granaphor nearly flew into a frenzy. However, his aide Sisava used a strange charm to seemingly calm Granaphor back to his senses. After regrouping, Rhelynn suggested that each team head to a tavern to fill their bellies and listen in on the town gossip. Arlo informed the other Agents that Big Betty’s was in town, so the group merrily made their way over. However, they were met by Ash before they could enjoy their meal and the fiend sat at their table to speak with them. Arlo activated his speaking stone to allow Raiann to listen in on the conversation, seemingly unnoticed by Ash. The agents learned that Ash had used a scrying spell to learn about them after the events of Neverwinter. Not only that, but they also learned that Ash’s only goal in his attempt to destroy Neverwinter was to spread misfortune and chaos as directed by his goddess Beshaba. As he made his way out of the tavern, Ash left the Agents with a warning-”
[Ash]: “Don’t get in my way again. Next time, I won’t be feeling nearly as hospitable.”
[Jordan]: “And so, we resume our tale. Ash has just vacated the premise, and before we get to any actual real decision making, we need to make some saving throws because your food has arrived.”
[[Jaunty tavern music starts up]]
[Drew]: “Well before like the food even, like did my whole thing work with the speaking stone? Like did Raiann hear-”
[Jordan]: “Oh yeah no! It fully worked”
[Drew]: “-through all the other people and shit.”
[Jordan]: “I mean she overheard the conversation.”
[Caitie]: “And all of your FUCKING dick jokes!”
[Jordan]: “Yes, she heard those too.”
[Drew]: “It was like A dick joke, it was just a really really good one.”
[Caitie]: “There was a lot of dick jokes in there!”
[Drew]: “It was like…only like one or two.”
[Jordan]: Amused “But yes, she did overhear the entire conversation, however she has not piped- like she has not chimed in yet over the speaking stone, which unless you’ve turned it off is still on. Logically you would assume she has not spoken up because she is not sure what Ash’s proximity is to you guys and does not want to give away your trick.”
[Drew]: “Yeah, then I would say Arlo would as soon as Ash is out of like…line of sight he pulls the speaking stone up and is like-”
[Arlo]: “Raiann, can you hear me?”
[Raiann]: “Yes I can. Very quick thinking!”
[Arlo]: “Yeah I’ve been trying to keep him busy. Do you think you can like uh – tail him or send some people out to try to detain him or something like that?”
[Raiann]: “Under normal circumstances I’d have it done in a heartbeat, unfortunately given the current political situation that is occurring in Silverymoon, that might be considered as a form of electoral interference so my hands are tied here.”
[Arlo]: “Mm, I see.”
[Raiann]: “That being said, given his presence this obviously changes things. Is Second Chance with you?”
[Arlo]: “Ah, they are not. We tried to get ‘em to come with us to eat but they were, they wanted to do their own thing.”
[Raiann]: “I see. Give me one moment while I try and attach them to the call.”
[Jordan]: “So it takes a couple seconds but she does eventually get Second Chance on the line as well.”
[Rhelynn]: “H-hello? Can…can you hear me?”
[Arlo]: “Yeah we gotcha. Imma put ‘cha on gramophone-”
[Drew]: “-which I guess would be the medieval equivalent of speaker-”
[Rhelynn]: “Oh you’re going to put me on speaking stone?”
[Arlo]: “I’m gonna put cha on speaker speaking stone… I’m a just throw you in a mug or somethin’ and then everyone’ll hear ya easier.”
[Christina]: “Wait, wait. How many people are in the restaurant that we’re in? Like other than Ash previously how full is the restaurant?”
[Caitie]: “Yeah no, I was about to say I don’t want to get yelled at for this again.”
[Jordan]: Chuckles “The restaurant is full.”
[Drew]: “Good thinking, we’ll not do that.”
[Jordan]: “No, no. It is a full restaurant.”
[Christina]: “You get a very sharp elbow from Winterra when you say you’re going to put it on speaking stone.”
[Arlo]: “I mean I’m not gonna put it on speaker speaking stone. And uh, we’re just gonna talk one on one being as vague as possible so no one freaks out.”
[Jordan]: “Rhelynn chimes in with-”
[Rhelynn]: “Oh, right. Good…good call.”
[Jordan]: “And then Raiann speaks up again and says-”
[Raiann]: “So, given that Ash seems to be here. We can only assume he has some form of involvement in whatever might be going on. Obviously this changes the scenario quite a bit. In addition to finding out exactly what’s going on with Granaphor and whether or not his campaign means ill or not you also if possible need to try and track down this Ash character and see what his motives are here. If it’s anything like Neverwinter, I can only imagine that he does not mean well for the town. However, should you come across him again, you are NOT to engage him. He is extremely dangerous and even with both of your teams, I’m not fully certain you would be able to take him given what you’ve told me last time.”
[Saithe]: “That’s a fair statement!”
[Arlo]: “Sooo…so like when you say we’re not to engage him is that like a hard order or is that more of a suggestion..?”
[Raiann]: “Consider it a hard order I can’t really enforce from here however I’d rather you not come back on shields.”
[Arlo]: “I mean, yeah I guess. Just…he’s just such a dick. I just, I really don’t like him.”
[Raiann]: “Arlo.”
[Saithe]: “Is that your word of the day??”
[Raiann]: “Arlo-”
[Arlo]: “I only said dick like eight times, that’s low for me.”
[Saithe]: “Uggggh”
[Raiann]: “Arlo!”
[Arlo]: “Yes ma’am?”
[Raiann]: “Two things. First of all, I would like to remind you that you are the one who almost died in Neverwinter to him so I would assume you would be the one most cautious about this. Please do not have another instance of you being dragged away near death.”
[Arlo]: “I mean, I didn’t die though.”
[Raiann]: “I said near death. You’re the team leader. You need to preserve both yourself and your team. Bare that in mind.”
[Arlo]: “That is accurate.”
[Raiann]: “Secondly, the next time you find yourselves confronted with a villainous person who is unusually willing to share information, perhaps next time you will find it more suitable to stay on track and actually ask questions that might pertain to his motives instead of holding him hostage for your…comically inappropriate phallic standup routine.”
[Saithe]: “Thank you!! That’s what I’m saying!”
[Arlo]: “I do apologize I really was just kind of trying to y’know think on my feet there, it was in the moment and just trying to keep him busy… Though I would like to point out that you did say it was comedic, which means you found it funny and I’m gonna keep that as something in my heart that I will enjoy-”
[Saithe]: “Arlo!”
[Arlo]: “-from this day forward.”
[Saithe]: “Arlo!! Knock it off! For the love of god man! She’s our boss!”
[Raiann]: “You would do well to listen to her. Now-”
[Arlo]: “Ah, just trying to lighten the mood a little.”
[Saithe]: “A time and a place!”
[Raiann]: “You are on assignment, please stay focused.”
[Arlo]: “Yes ma’am.”
[Raiann]: “Now, do you all have anything else to report?”
[Saithe]; “Yes, but I can’t say it here!”
[Raiann]: “Why?”
[Saithe]: “Because I can’t lower the volume of my voice and I…I’ll call you later in a more private institution!”
[Raiann]: “Could either Arlo or Winterra whisper it?”
[Saithe]: “How would I tell them I haven’t had the chance to relay the information!”
[Raiann]: “Ah! So it’s something only you are aware of!”
[Saithe]: “Yes!”
[Raiann]: “Very well then. In which case, I would prefer if you all were to contact me later on when you are able to speak more freely.”
[Saithe]: “Yes ma’am! Thank you for your time!”
[Arlo]: “Aye aye captain!”
[Raiann]: “Well there are still hours in the day so any other work you all have to do, I will leave you to it. Report back before the end of the night and remember – be vigilant. Do not let this character sneak up on you and do not engage him directly if possible. Your lives are just as important as this mission, so see to it that you return alive. All of you.”
[Arlo]: “Understood.”
[Raiann]: “Raiann out.”
[Jordan]: “And you hear it kind of like partially go static for a brief second, and then from the other end you hear-”
[Rhelynn]: “Uh -yeah. I guess we’ll keep investigating on our end and just meet up later. Sound good…? Or what are you thinking?”
[Saithe]: “KAY BYE!”
[[Music abruptly stops as Jordan snickers]]
[Drew]: “Does Saithe just like reach over and hang up on Arlo’s speaking stone?”
[Caitie]: “The food is there and she’s hungry!!!!”
[Drew]: Chuckles “She’s like – kay bye! And then slaps the fucking stone out of his hand.”
[[All players laugh]]
[[Bagpipe music starts up]]
[Saithe]: “You know she was referring to you when she said ‘all of us’ in terms of not dying?”
[Arlo]: “Hey, hey, hey- I’m gonna remind you that one, I did not die, and two I saved your life I think like twice now?”
[Jordan]: “So, shall we get to the food?”
[Christina]: Banging on surface for emphasis “Food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food!”
[Caitie]: “Yes!”
[Drew]: “Let’s do a food.”
[Jordan]: “Okay, so first thing’s first, Winterra and Saithe go ahead and roll your first con saves for your drinks ‘cause you two were the only ones who got drinks.”
[Christina]: “Oh thank god!”
[Caitie]: “17!”
[Christina]: “18! Oh wait, plus 1.”
[Jordan]: “Saithe, what did you say?”
[Caitie]: “17.”
[Jordan]: “Okay congratulations, you have both passed once again, advantage on saving throws for the mission.”
[Christina]: “Woo hoo!”
[Caitie]: “Woo!”
[Jordan]: “Okay so next up we’re going to do the appetizers which will be Arlo and Saithe for the fish fingers.”
[Caitie]: “But what part of the fish is the finger?!”
[[Christina chuckles]]
[Caitie]: “18!”
[Jordan]: “Arlo?”
[Drew]: “…I…am going to use my d10 of bardic inspiration.”
[Jordan]: “Oh! Oh my god. Alright, so that’s being used already.”
[Drew]: “So that was a 9 on the die, and we’re going to add…” Rolls “Oh fuck yeah, 6!”
[Jordan]: “Okay so what does that bring you up to?”
[Drew]: “Alright so that’s going to be…got an 18!”
[Jordan]: “Okay, you both have resistance to psychic damage!”
[Caitie]: “Woo!”
[Drew]: “Woot!”
[Jordan]: “And now we-”
[Drew]: “I sure hope that comes up.”
[Jordan]: “I already picked out all the things you’re going to be fighting so if psychic damage comes up, it comes up. Finally we come to the entrees. Now correct me if I’m wrong on any of this, but if memory serves Winterra you got fish-”
[Christina]: “Fish!!”
[Jordan]: “- just fish. Arlo got the spicy Suna Turprise.”
[Drew]: “I hate you for that name still.”
[Jordan]: “Good. And Saithe got the House special?”
[Caitie]: “I did yes.”
[Jordan]: “Okay cool, everyone roll that – ladies get advantage.”
[Caitie]: “16.”
[Drew]: “That’s going to be a 15.”
[Christina]: “Uhm…17!”
[Jordan]: “The food was delicious all around congratulations you have all passed and have resistance to force damage for Winterra, immunity to fire damage for Arlo, and-”
[Drew]: “Woot!”
[Jordan]: “And resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage for Saithe.”
[Caitie]: “Woo!”
[Jordan]: “Write that shit down!”
[Caitie]: “Okay!”
[Jordan]: “I’m just looking at like y’know, I wrote down in shorthand the resistance to psychic damage I just wrote ‘resist psy’ and now I just like…I feel like that’s something you would write if Psy somehow used his catchy pop tunes to take over the world.”
[[Christina chuckles]]
[Jordan]: “Must resist!”
[Drew]: “Resist Psy! Do not let him invade your mind! Gangnam style-”
[Caitie]: “Gangnam style!”
[Drew]: “-comes for us all!”
[Christina]: “Do not become a gentleman.”
[Caitie]: “Op, op! Op, op, op!”
[[Christina giggles]]
[Caitie]: “Gangnam style!”
[Jordan]: Chuckles “Oh my god.”
[Drew]: “I’ll never be a mother father gentleman.”
[[Christina giggles]]
[Jordan]: “Alright so is there anything else you guys wanted to do while you’re here in Big Betty’s?”
[Caitie]: “Oh yeah-”
[Drew]: “Shouldn’t we try to do like recon on like the general scuttlebut of the town or some shit?”
[Christina]: “Yeah or do we, like can we pick up anything else any of the other tables are talking about?”
[Jordan]: “Do you just want to try and listen in or do you want to go up and talk to them?”
[Christina]: “Uh, I just want to start off with listening in.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, roll me…ah-we’ll call this perception.”
[Christina]: “Okay…17.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, from what you can gather most of the people here – it’s kind of a mixed bag. There’s some people here- they appear to be of the races that live here, so a lot of elves and gnomes and things like that just seem to be having idle chatter about the election in general but don’t seem to be making any remarks on any one thing especially the giant eyeball shaped elephant in the village. And then you see a bunch of other people who seem to be more like out of town. Like some humans that don’t look like the other humans around here, some tabaxi it seems to just be coming through, things like that that obviously aren’t from here-”
[Caitie]: “Cat people!”
[Jordan]: “Yes, cat people thank you. And they seem to be a lot more engrossed about talking about how there’s a bunch of yuan-ti and how they’ve heard there’s a beholder just kind of floating around and they’re talking very nervously.”
[Christina]: “Hm…interesting.”
[Caitie]: “Can I – can I still see the hands at the piano?”
[Jordan]: “Yeep.”
[Caitie]: “I want to go investigate the hands at the piano.”
[Jordan]: “Okay so you walk on over to the large organ that is there and sure enough there are two severed left hands that are just tapping away at the keyboard playing beautiful organ music. It’s honestly very impressive that- one, two hands are able to do that and also just like the quality of the music is, considering everything you know about Big Betty’s, surprisingly good.”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough.”
[Jordan]: “Ah, you all of a sudden hear from behind you-”
[Betty]: “Impressive isn’t it?”
[Saithe]: “Yes! How are they doing this?”
[Betty]: “Oh, they’re crawling hands. Little things that I found. I think they belonged to a famous musician or two.”
[Saithe]: “So you just found them severed? And…and living?”
[Betty]: “Ye- well not the living part…”
[Drew snickers]]
[Saithe]: “Oh they’re enchanted!”
[Drew]: Laughs “Oh god.”
[Betty]: “Something like that, they just play music and keep the ambiance up. In fact, I’ve heard some people say that when they really feel the music that they feel like they’re a little bit…mm, better for it.”
[Saithe]: “No kidding!”
[Betty]: “No, I’m not!”
[Caitie]: “…fucking literal everything.”
[Christina]: Chuckles “I love Big Betty so much.”
[Drew]: “I mean, if we’ve learned anything about Betty it’s that y’know, Betty doesn’t kid. But Betty, Betty will kid around all day.”
[Jordan]: “She doesn’t know she will, but she will.”
[Caitie]: “She’s just going to stand there listening to the music tapping her feet for a minute.”
[Jordan]: “Okay, so while you do that, I would like you to actually roll me a charisma check. Not a saving throw, just a check.”
[Caitie]: “19.”
[Jordan]: “Arlo and Winterra, would you guys like to partake of the music as well?”
[Drew]: “I…am thoroughly unsure. As the nature of the music has been vague and I know that is intentional. So…”
[Jordan]: “The nature of the music being vague is because I am not a music person and I don’t know how to fucking describe it other than just, yeah it’s good.”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Caitie]: “It’s music!”
[Drew]: “No I was talking about the effects of the music will have and I’m just like-”
[Jordan]: “Oh the fact I didn’t say what happened after she rolled a 19. Yeah no, that’s fully intentional.”
[Drew]: “Yeah, this could go poorly or not so poorly.”
[Jordan]: “As is the way of Big Betty’s.”
[Drew]: “I am…I’m going to partake of the music, I’ll listen to the music a little bit and do that.”
[Jordan]: “Winterra?”
[Christina]: “Uhm…I am thoroughly unsure so I am going to say if I roll a 1-10 that she will not, and if it is anything higher than a 10 she will.”
[Jordan]: “Alright so we’re going to treat this like a death saving throw.”
[Christina]: “Oh…well she is going to partake in the music. Okay, this is going to be fun because I have no modifier to my charisma. Let’s see how this goes.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, both of you roll me a quick charisma check.”
[Drew]: “I also don’t have any modifiers to my charisma. This will be interesting.”
[Jordan]: “Cool, raw roll my favorite.”
[Caitie]: “I have a plus 3!”
[Christina]: “Ahem…that was a 5.”
[Jordan]: “Kay.”
[Drew]: Rolls “Oh fuck yeah 19!”
[Jordan]: “Okay cool! Winterra, nothing happens, you just enjoy the music.”
[Christina]: Extremely relieved “Oh thank god okay.” Nervously laughs
[Jordan]: Amused “Yeah no, this is the one time that there’s not like a downside to it.”
[Christina]: Still nervously laughing “Okay.”
[[Drew sighs in relief]]
[Jordan]: “Now, as for Arlo and Saithe, the music has moved you. And you guys really do feel like you, like you feel empowered! You can do anything! All of your skills have proficiency and anything that already does gets double proficiency for this mission.”
[[All over each other]]
[Christina]: “Whoa!!”
[Caitie]: “Holy hell!”
[Drew]: “Well shit!!”
[Caitie]: “What???”
[Jordan]: “Yup.”
[Drew]: Laughing “Are you serious?”
[Jordan]: “No I take it all back. Yes I’m serious!”
[Caitie]: “All skills get double roll…”
[Jordan]: “No, no, no, no, no. Only your skills that already have proficiency, like for you I imagine stealth.”
[Caitie]: “Yes, sorry, yes.”
[Jordan]: “Not for double proficiency, but for things that don’t like probably I dunno, athletics, I imagine you don’t have proficiency in, for this mission you do.”
[Caitie]: “Nice!”
[Jordan]: “Basically you get the I think it’s the bard’s jack of all trades I believe is what it is.”
[Caitie]: “Yeah.”
[Jordan]: “Yeah so you guys get-”
[Drew]: “Higher level I think it does that, lower level it’s like half proficiency or some shit. I haven’t looked at bard a lot. I have never played a bard and I’m not sure if I will. ‘Cause I just haven’t had a good idea for a bard yet.”
[Jordan]: “So yeah, that’s what the hands do!”
[Caitie]: “That’s hella.”
[Jordan]: “Right?”
[Drew]: “That is the greatest.”
[Jordan]: “More than the fire immunity?”
[Drew]: “Uhm, I dunno like we’ll, we shall see. If I encounter a bunch of skill checks I’m going to be like, yeah it was the music.”
[[Christina starts laughing]]
[Drew]: “If I encounter like a fire demon who’s like ‘Argh I shall burn you alive’ and Arlo’s like, ‘I’m just gonna stand here and floss while you try’.”
[Jordan]: “Okay now when you say floss…”
[Drew]: “Yes.”
[Jordan]: “Cool.”
[[Drew laughs]]
[Caitie]: “What… Oh, god dammit!”
[[Christina laughs with Drew]]
[Drew]: “Just does the dance but one hand has some dental floss.”
[Jordan]: “That’s a joke that will be dead in ten years and no one will get.”
[Drew]: “What if the floss ends up being eternal? What if that becomes like a part of the cultural lexicon?”
[Jordan]: “I can’t think of a single dance that has. Anyway! We’re getting super off topic.”
[Caitie]: “Yes.”
[Jordan]: “Is there anything else you guys would like to do in Big Betty’s as far as like investigation, y’know anything like that?”
[Christina]: “Uhm, you said Ash was sitting at another table before right?”
[Jordan]: “Yes.”
[Christina]: “Is there – are there other people at that table or is it still empty?”
[Jordan]: “Uh no, he was alone.”
[Caitie]: “Is there anything at the table still?”
[Christina]: “Yeah.”
[Jordan]: “No he brought his stuff over.”
[Christina]: “What all did he have? As far as what he brought over to our table?”
[Jordan]: “He just brought over some booze and food.”
[Christina]: “But what booze and food?”
[Caitie]: “Yes, but what kind of food did he have?”
[Jordan]: “It’s nondescript he doesn’t get the Big Betty bonus.”
[[Christina and Caitie simultaneously]]
[Christina]: “Oh, okay.”
[Caitie]: “Okay.”
[Caitie]: “Making sure.”
[Jordan]: “He can kick your asses without it, I don’t need to buff him!”
[Christina]: Giggles “Just making sure!”
[Caitie]: “I mean…you never know.”
[Christina]: “Yeah exactly, you’ve got to double check sometimes!”
[Jordan]: Sarcastically (…I think) “He ate the spicy suna turprise!”
[Drew]: “I will say like out of character it is kind of like my determination now that like you’ve built this guy up so much to find out some dumb loophole way to make him die stupidly.”
[Jordan]: “I mean that’s your job as players.”
[Drew]: “I’m just looking through everything we have and I’m just like, mmm-I will figure out something. Something terrible that you’ll have to contend with!”
[Jordan]: Amused “I look forward to it. So is there anything else you guys would like to do here other than look over his table scraps?”
[Drew]: “Uhm, I would like to talk to Betty actually.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, so the thought crosses your mind that you would like to speak to Betty. You don’t say it out loud, the thought just crosses your mind, and all of a sudden behind you, you hear-”
[Betty]: “Hi how are you doing?”
[Arlo]: Surprised “Ah!!” Feigning normalcy “I mean, hey – hey Betty, what’s up?”
[Betty]: “Oh just the usual. Have you enjoyed the food?”
[Arlo]: “The food was wonderful as always. But I did have a couple questions for you.”
[Betty]: “No I do not give out my secret ingredient recipes, the suna turprise is an official proprietary of Big Betty’s incorporated.”
[Arlo]: “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to mess with Big Betty’s incorporated. I mean, with a restaurant like this you’re sure to be a juggernaut of industry soon enough.”
[Betty]: “Damn straight. What’s up son?”
[Caitie]: “Oh god!!!”
[[All players laugh]]
[Arlo]: “So Betty, I actually – I wanted to ask you about your customer that was here with us before, the greasy haired smelly guy, I believe his moniker is fuckboy supreme, um but he also calls himself Ash.”
[Saithe]: “Stop with the fuckboy supreme.”
[Arlo and Drew]: “I will stop when I am dead and in the ground!”
[Betty]: “Hm…oh you mean the guy who sat with you?”
[Arlo]: “Yeah…yeah that guy.”
[Betty]: “What about him?”
[Arlo]: “Does he come here often, do you know anything about him, I mean we’re curious to find out about this fella, we’ve had a rather interesting conversation with him and we just kind of wanted to get a feel for his vibe you know what I mean?”
[Betty]: “I’ve literally never seen him a day in my life.”
[Arlo]: “…has anyone else who works in the restaurant seen him before?”
[Betty]: “Hm…good question! Let me check!”
[Jordan]: “And she walks over to the back door, as the door goes – because it’s like you know how restaurant doors will open both ways?”
[Christina]: “Mhm.”
[Jordan]: “So it goes in and then literally as it’s swinging back, waitress Betty comes – er, not waitress Betty I’m sorry Waitress Betty is who you were talking to, Proprietress Betty comes out and says-”
[Proprietress Betty]: “Nope, never heard of ‘em! Let me check with the chef!”
[[Christina starts laughing in the background throughout the rest of the Betty scene]]
[Jordan]: “And she goes back in, same thing as she goes in and the door comes back out, Chef Betty is like there is like-”
[Chef Betty]: “Nope! Never heard of him!”
[[The sound of something hitting a table repetitively is heard while Christina is still laughing]]
[Drew]: “That is is sound of my head on my own table.”
[Caitie]: “You asked for it!”
[[Christina starts coughing from laughing so much]]
[Jordan]: “Ah, she just dips back in one more time and at the same time you see Waitress Betty comes back out-”
[Waitress Betty]: “Sorry looks like no one’s heard of this guy.”
[Arlo]: “That is alright Betty, just wanted to check in wit’ ya. Thanks for the excellent food and service.”
[Betty]: “But of course, we live to serve!”
[[Christina is still heard dying in the background]]
[Drew]: “My god this is going to be the death of me.”
[Betty]: “Did you save room for dessert?”
[Saithe]: “I am full up!”
[Arlo]: “I too am quite full.”
[Betty]: “Hm, very well. Well if I recall your blond haired friend paid for your meal so you all are free to go. See you again!”
[Arlo]: “He paid for our meal?”
[Jordan]: “Yes! He dropped a platinum just to show off.”
[Drew]: “Oh fuck yeah, I forgot about that.”
[Caitie]: “Jerk.”
[Christina]: “Ugh.”
[Drew]: “Can we…can we like just pay for our meal and then grab that platinum?”
[Jordan]: “He gave it to Big Betty directly so no, not without stealing from her and I’m not sure you want to steal from a hag.”
[Drew]: “Uh, no. No we do not.”
[Jordan]: “So no, you super can’t. I mean you can still pay for it if you want but she just gets a free platinum.”
[Drew]: “Hm…should we have principles or just like leave it be?”
[[Pause]]
[Drew]: “That’s an open forum question.”
[Caitie]: “That’s a good question.”
[Jordan]: “I’m also just going to go ahead and say, similar to last time I did not make prices so maybe just take it and go?”
[Christina]: “Yeah, let’s just take it and go.”
[Caitie]: “Yeah that’s fair.”
[Drew]: “We can just say we each pay a gold or some shit. Like food does not cost that much in DnD.”
[Jordan]: “For fuck’s sake, fine! If you guys want to pay a god damned gold – I’m trying to help you save money!”
[[Christina and Caitie laugh]]
[Drew]: “We will not accept money from terrorists! We do not negotiate with – we don’t associate with such a supreme level of fuckboy-”
[Christina]: “Alright so we each-”
[Jordan]: “Alright fine! Everyone take a gold off of your sheet because Andrew’s a man of honor.”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough.”
[Drew]: “With pleasure.”
[Jordan]: “Oh my Christ.”
[Christina]: “Alright so we head out.”
[[Music changes to harp music]]
[Jordan]: “Okay so you guys head out, you still have some time in the day I would say it’s maybe about like six o’clock, sun’s already started to go down so it’s not like daylight but if you guys still have anything you would like to do you still can. Saithe, I will remind you that once you guys call it a day your haste effect will wear off.”
[Caitie]: “Yep!”
[Christina]: “Uhm, Winterra is – so how many, like are there a lot of people around us right now or are we just kind of walking alone generally?”
[Jordan]: “Less than there were during the day but it’s still, there’s still some people around.”
[Chrisitna]: “Hm…okay! So Winterra turns to both of them and she says-”
[Winterra]: “So uhm, when I was talking with the guy earlier that I went to go see, he mentioned that he is trying to get help with um… with a thing he’s doing? And he needs help from ah, from us because of magic use? And so I don’t know if you guys want to go check it out but it sounded…he sounded okay?”
[Arlo]: “I mean like, what was he offering in return? Did it seem like it would help with the mission or that we could at least get some either you know monetary incentive or some stuff that could help us with the mission? What was he-”
[Winterra]: “There was a lot of stuff and I have not seen really any of it and I’ve learned a lot of new things and these things were all new, new things. So I don’t know.”
[Christina]: “And she smiles really big.”
[Jordan]: “On a scale of one to Saithe how big?”
[Christina]: Giggles “Bigger.”
[Caitie]: “Oh god.”
[Christina]: “Like you know that uncomfortable smile when someone’s like ‘Ahhh…!’ Like that kind of a smile.”
[Jordan]: “Gotcha.”
[Drew]: “Arlo realizes, like Arlo looks at her smile with her bear teeth and listens to that whole statement and it slowly sinks in that he sent the two bear people, nature druids who like barely know how to operate their speaking stones to talk to the tech guy and he’s like huh. Like internally he’s like-”
[Arlo]: ‘That ah…that probably wasn’t a good idea….’
[Saithe]: “Might as well drop in and see if there’s anything they might’ve missed.”
[Arlo]: “Mm, fair enough. Fair enough. I suppose we could ah, take a little bit of time before we call it the night to go stop by the uh, the old man’s office.”
[[Music changes back to up tempo winds music]]
[Jordan]: “You guys head on over to the research base. Once again Winterra you come across the large metal door with the blue crystal in it, for Arlo and Saithe you guys recognize that as a speaking stone that has just been embedded into a wall.”
[Christina]: Giggles “So, Winterra walks up to it and just kind of like paws it, and like full on just smacks it. ‘Cause that’s pretty much what happened earlier.”
[Drew]: “Arlo like grabs her hand and he’s like-”
[Arlo]: “No, sweetie, no, no. We don’t, no that’s not…okay, you – you’re doing good! But not this, not that, not that for this.”
[Winterra]: “What, it worked earlier?”
[Arlo]: “No, you just talk into it, you tap it lightly and then you say ‘hello’ and you identify yourself and that’s, that’s how it works.”
[Winterra]: “Ohhhhh.”
[Christina]: “And then Terra goes and she smacks it again and then says hello.”
[Drew]: “Arlo just has his fingers on the bridge of his nose and he’s like-”
[Arlo]: “I…I you know, that’s progress. That’s progress, we’ve made progress, to a degree.”
[Seebo]: “Ah yes, h-hello?”
[Winterra]: “Hey! I’m back and I brought my friends!”
[Seeb]: “Ah yes, wonderful! Please come in, come in!”
[Jordan]: “And once again the door creaks open, it’s got a lot of weight to it and it does fully open for you guys.”
[Christina]: “Terra kind of half covers her mouth and she like turns over, she’s like-”
[Winterra]: “He talks really fast.”
[Saithe]: “I see that.”
[Arlo]: “We’ll try to keep up.”
[Jordan]: “And so as you guys walk in, Winterra you see a lot of the same things that you saw before but everything seems to be kind of moved around and there’s a few things that you don’t remember seeing. For our less nature inclined friends, what you see is all sorts of magical technologies, so you see something, like some of it looks kind of familiar, some of it not so much. There’s some things that look like really advanced forms of armor, almost like in our reality what would be a battle suit, there is sort of gems that seem to be housing an arcane energy or something of that sort, and then as you guys are walking by, out from under a table where Saithe is walking near, Seebo wheels out on a cart and is like-”
[Seebo]: “Ah! There you all are!”
[Saithe]: “Oh. Hello there.”
[Seebo]: “Greetings! Seebo’s the name!”
[Jordan]: “And he extends a hand out, very much still laying on his back.”
[Saithe]: “Uh…right…I’m Saithe.”
[Jordan]: “Do you shake his hand?”
[Caitie]: “With my tail, so I don’t have to bend down.”
[Jordan]: “Oh my Christ you and your tail.”
[Caitie]: “I love my tail.”
[Seebo]: “Ooh! That’s quite a…rear grip you have. That’s a new one.”
[Saithe]: “Thank you!”
[Drew]: “I wonder how much of the tail thing is a Saithe thing, and how much of the tail is just like Caitie legitimately wishing she had a tail in real life.”
[Caitie]: “Yeah…”
[Jordan]: “Does it make a difference?”
[Caitie]: “So like, the only thing that I wouldn’t want a tail for is like sleeping. Like arms-”
[Drew]: “I wouldn’t want it for pants.”
[Caitie]: “Arms suck enough, I mean well you could just put a hole in the pants it would just be comfortable enough but like, I couldn’t sleep on my back! Y’know it’s hard enough sleeping on my side because of these damn arms.”
[Drew]: “But then you could now possum it. As we have established with Saithe.”
[Caitie]: “Mmm…that’s fair.”
[Jordan]: “Anywho…so Seebo picks himself up off the floor and still looking at Saithe is like-”
[Seebo]: “I don’t suppose you would be the cleric, would you?”
[Saithe]: “Oh no, that’s him!”
[Drew]: “And Arlo kind of leans in and tips his hat.”
[Arlo]: “I’m Arlo Agon, pleased to make your acquaintance there.”
[Seebo]: “Ah, same same same. Wonderful I’m so glad you’re all here. Uhm-”
[Jordan]: “And then he turns back to Saithe.”
[Seebo]: “I don’t suppose you’re a different type of caster are you?”
[Saithe]: “I’ve recently came into some magic but…different magic!”
[Seebo]: “Ah, interesting. What manner, if I might ask?”
[Cat]: “Mau.”
[Jordan]: “What…what’d you say?”
[Caitie]: “That was the cat, it meowed.”
[Jordan]: “Oh! He’s still waiting for an-”
[Drew]: “Oh I thought that Saithe just said ‘mau’ as her answer.”
[[Drew and Christina laugh]]
[Jordan]: “I have to admit I was super confused.”
[Drew]: “Just, mau.”
[Caitie]: “Just Saithe meowing…”
[Jordan]: “If that’s all that happened, he’s still looking expectantly at you for an answer because believe it or not he doesn’t believe that cat is your legal representative.”
[Caitie]: “I mean she literally just points at the cat.”
[Seebo]: “The cat is the source of your…is the cat the magic one?”
[Saithe]: “Yes!”
[Seebo]: “Ah! I’m going to assume… familiar…”
[Saithe]: “Let’s go with that!”
[Seebo]: “You know what it doesn’t really matter, as long as you can do some form of magic that’s all I need, so let me get started on the experiment!”
[Jordan]: “And he runs over to a little table and kind of starts digging through a bunch of stuff. But what he ultimately pulls out is what looks like a backpack, like a very small compact backpack – something you couldn’t realistically put anything into, and then one of those glowing orbs. And he brings the backpack over to Arlo and says-”
[Seebo]: “Alright now, here’s what I need you to do. Put this on, and then when I give you the signal I need you to cast a low level magic into it. Oh, about a I dunno, first level, or something like that should do it.”
[Arlo]: “Well hold- hold on there partner. We haven’t agreed to anything yet we just came by to say hey and kind of suss out the y’know the-”
[Seebo]: “-did, did she not tell you what-”
[Arlo]: “-nature of the arrangement.”
[Seebo]: “Did she not tell you anything?”
[Arlo]: “She told us the basics, we y’know, like we…now you know what you want us to do, but also um, we are here on business if this isn’t going to be directly helpful to said business we may want to know what kind of compensation I suppose we’ll be dispensed afterwards.”
[Seebo]: “Ah, well in that case. The things I’m having you test are actually prototypes of the special things I have. Now they’re not the only copies of them so if they do function the way I believe that they will, then you are entitled to have them!”
[Saithe]: “Interesting!”
[Arlo]: “Mmm…I can roll with that, I do have one additional question before we begin.”
[Seebo]: “That being?”
[Arlo]: “Would you, be able to-”
[Drew]: “And like he kind of like leans in to whisper to him-”
[Arlo]: “-maybe run some tests on that cat and see y’know, where the hell it came from?”
[Saithe]: “Leave my cat alone!”
[Drew]: “I whispered! You can’t just automatically know it!”
[Jordan]: “He’s got a point.”
[Caitie]: “Ugh!!!”
[Drew]: “Ooh, ooh!!”
[Jordan]: “Seebo’s face lights up and he just whispers back to you-”
[Seebo]: “I would love nothing more!”
[[Christina chuckles]]
[Drew]: “Arlo gets like a semi sinister, semi kind of like, relieved smile on his face he’s like-”
[Arlo]: “Alright, we’re in business.”
[Caitie]: “The cat hisses at you angrily.”
[[Jordan snickers]]
[Drew]: “Arlo winks at the cat.”
[Jordan]: “So the next thing that Seebo does is he goes over to Winterra and hands her the orb. He’s like-”
[Seebo]: “Alright, now- I’m going to need you to cast something a little bit stronger into that one.”
[Jordan]: “And he kind of just moves you around a little bit and is like-”
[Seebo]: “Alright, let’s say now a 3rd level, can you do that?”
[Winterra]: “Uhm…”
[Christina]: “And she’s kind of just holding it like you’d expect someone who’s not sure they’re not going to drop something when they hold something and she’s like-”
[Winterra]: “I think so.”
[Seebo]: “Alright uh-”
[Jordan]: “He kind of repositions your arms a little bit so you’re holding it in a way he kind of wants you to and he’s like-”
[Seebo]: “Alright, now do it!”
[Christina]: “He said third level so she’s going to call lightning into it?”
[Jordan]: “You don’t need a specific spell, just it’s the act of using a spell slot.”
[Christina]: “Okay!”
[Jordan]: “Cool, roll me a perception check as you do that.”
[Christina]: “Alright…so it’s a 15 on the die and I have a 5 to perception so non-nat20.”
[Jordan]: “Ah, very nice. So with that perception check the sphere starts to glow and as the energy is about to be let out from it you realize…that the way he positioned you, you are pointing it at Saithe.”
[[Christina loudly gasps]]
[Jordan]: “And it goes off! And a large fiery beam goes out and detonates like a bomb right on her-”
[Christina]: “Oh no!”
[Caitie]: “Rude.”
[Jordan]: “And when it clears she is on the ground unconscious.”
[[Christina gasps louder than the first time]]
[Caitie]: “Fucking rude.”
[Jordan]: “Arlo- so, as you see this happen, you almost subconsciously forget about- like this whole experiment and just sort of activate a first level spell almost without thinking. The backpack that you are on, opens up and a pair of large metallic wings burst from it and send you rocketing over towards Saithe. And she’s-”
[Arlo]: “Aaaaaaahhhhh!”
[Jordan]: “And as soon as it does your hands land on her and she is right back up.”
[Caitie]: “Well then.”
[Seebo]: “IT WORKED! Yes!!! Oh that’s wonderful! Wonderful,wonderful, wonderful. I’m so happy that actually managed to work! Ooh, that could have gone bad in so many ways.”
[Winterra]: “Um, yes!!!”
[Saithe]: “What the hell just happened?”
[Arlo]: “Yeah, ditto on that question.”
[Seebo]: “Ah, well!”
[Jordan]: “And the first thing he does is he goes over to Winterra-”
[Seebo]: “This is something called a ‘Starbomb.’ It actually takes special magics from some creatures native to the midnight woods just to the south of here. Things called Starflies, I’m sure your friend here can tell you, being she’s a native. They’re creatures that dine on the natural vegetation of the land and since it’s tied to the fey, the land doesn’t really absorb light from the sun but rather from the moonlight, and because of that they actually glow like stars on the canopy. Well I managed to find a way to convert that energy into a magical blast, that is contained in here. Now don’t worry, the creatures in there are perfectly fine – very safe, I’m not a monster or anything like that. And as for you my draconic healing friend, the thing you are wearing is a device of my own creation that I have dubbed ‘The Wings of the Valkyrur.’ It allows you to use a little bit of magic to fly over to someone who has fallen unconscious and resuscitate them back to health.”
[Arlo]: “Alright, that is a very useful invention and…granted, should it come to mass production it will help save a lot of lives. But, I will also say, maybe a little bit of warning next time that you’re gonna roast our friend there?”
[Saithe]: “Yeah, no kidding!”
[Seebo]: “Well if I did that you wouldn’t have agreed.”
[Arlo]: “That is accurate and kind of the root of the problem!?”
[[Christina chuckles]]
[Seebo]: “Well the good news is that the experiment was a success so those two items as far as I’m concerned are yours for the keeping for assistance.”
[Arlo]: “I…you know what, a lot of weird shit has happened today, I’m gonna let that go for the time being.”
[Seebo]: “Excellent!”
[Arlo]: “I’m gonna put that away in the vault.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, I’ll get you guys the specifics on those things later. The next thing that Seebo does is he walks over to a sort of mannequin stand that has this weird sort of getup on it, it has a bunch of metal tubes and rubber piping and stuff that connects. It also has like a backpack type deal but it leads to this large thing, like a large device on the right arm. And he says-”
[Seebo]: “Now for you my newly toasty friend! This is what I am willing to offer you! I’ve already tested it and I know if functions…most times. However, it should allow you to experiment with your newfound magical abilities in ways you never knew was possible. Come come, try it on, try it on! I promise it won’t blow up!”
[Saithe]: “Okaaay…”
[Seebo]: “Now, what I need you to do is.”
[Jordan]: “And he points you towards just like a random mannequin-”
[Seebo]: “I need you to put a first level spell into the device.”
[Jordan]: “And similar to them it’s just using a spell slot.”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough, okay!”
[Jordan]: “Alright, roll a d6 for me.”
[Caitie]: “A 5.”
[Jordan]: “Oooh, that’s a fun one. So you hold up the hand for it and the machine starts to glow, like electrical energy crackling in the metal tubing on the back, and that energy goes through the rubber tubing, into the hand and it creates fog coming out of it and envelopes a 20 foot radius sphere, at the point in front of you. And you realize that that was fog cloud.”
[Drew]: “Nice.”
[Seebo]: “Ah! So that’s what it landed on this time! Interesting! That is actually a rather unique invention I got from a far off land – well the materials I got from a far off land and design – I managed to find a way to replicate it here. That is made of a special metal called mizzium and what you are wearing is called a mizzium apparatus. It allows you to use spells not normally associated with whatever your particular caster class is.”
[Saithe]: “Oh, okay, interesting!”
[Jordan]: “And the way this actually translates – I’m not going to read the whole thing because it is a chunky bit of info, but basically you can – with an action – cast a spell on it that is of an appropriate spell slot for one that you have and still use the slot but it is…oh hold on…I think I misread it. Okay, so you can basically pick any spell from your class, you can cast any warlock spell while you wear it regardless of whether you have it prepared-”
[Caitie]: “Mhm”
[Jordan]: “However, before doing that you have to roll an arcana check of DC 10 plus twice the spell’s level.”
[Caiie]: “Okay.”
[Jordan]: “If you pass, you cast the spell as per normal. However, if you don’t you have to roll an appropriate die – either a d6 or a d4 for higher level spells, and whatever that lands on is the spell you then cast.”
[Drew]: “Ruh-roh.”
[Jordan]: “So you either do a good arcana check and get the spell you want, or you hope RNG-esus is feeling generous this particular day.”
[Caitie]: Under her breath “RNG-eesus…”
[Christina]: “So wait, so you have to meet it right? So if she wanted to cast a level 5 spell she’d have to get a DC20?”
[Jordan]: “Uh…yes.”
[Christina]: “That’s still awesome, that’s a pretty good-”
[Jordan]: “She doesn’t have access to 5th level spells yet but-”
[Christina]: “Oh you still have to have the spell slot I understand, okay.”
[Jordan]: “Yeah no, she can’t just say, like ‘yeah I feel like casting this’ like no she super can’t do that.”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough.”
[Jordan]: “But it also only goes up to 5th level so for warlock, no prob!”
[Caitie]: “Also fair enough!”
[Seebo]: “Well I do truly thank you all for your assistance with this one. I don’t suppose there’s anything else you might need from me is there?”
[Arlo]: “Er, we…I think we’re good? I do need you to ease up on almost killing people uhm-”
[Seebo]: “I make no promises!”
[Arlo]: “You know what, after the day we’ve had fair enough.”
[Saithe]: “There’s things I want to say but I can’t say it here.”
[Christina]: “Terra just looks bewildered-”
[Drew]: “Oh wait hold on, time out, you’re supposed to run the tests on the cat!”
[Caitie/Saithe]: “Nope kay bye, you said that out loud I’m leaving now byyyye!”
[[Drew, Christina, and Jordan laugh]]
[Drew]: Still laughing “Fuck you!”
[Seebo]: “Tell ya what! You bring me the cat, I’ll do the experiments!”
[Saithe]: “Good luck with that!! Bye!!!”
[[Christina giggles]]
[Drew]: “God. Damn. IT!” Laughs more “Oh my god…”
[[Music transitions back to the harp music]]
[Jordan]: “At this point I would say it’s…it took you maybe about an hour to get there going through all that madness and then such, so I’d say it’s about seven now, sun is fully down, anything else you guys would like to do before calling it a day?”
[Caitie]: “Uh, well I would like to get to a safe place and relay the information that I got.”
[Jordan]: “If you do that, that would basically be like, unless you just mean like with Arlo and Winterra, I’m assuming that would mean going back to the hotel and reconvening with Second Chance.”
[Caitie]: “Yeah.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, so you guys make it back to the hotel and Second Chance is there in the lobby just kind of waiting on you guys. And they see you and Rhelynn comes up and is like-”
[Rhelynn]: “Ah! You guys manage to do everything you needed?”
[Saithe]: “Yes!”
[Rhelynn]: “Alright. Let’s head back up to the – let’s go up to the, I’ll say our room and we can discuss, we can call back the boss and talk things out. See what we’ve figured out and try to establish a plan from here.”
[Saithe]: “Indeed!”
[Jordan]: “So you guys head back up. Arlo I assume is the one who pulls out his speaking stone and reestablishes the call with Raiann.”
[[Music shifts to string music that normally plays in Raiann’s office]]
[Drew]: “Yeup.”
[Raiann]: “Raiann speaking.”
[Arlo]: “Hey howdy hey.”
[Saithe]: “Hey there boss!”
[Raiann]: “Well I take it you’re all in a more secluded area now, yes?”
[Saithe]: “Yes ma’am.”
[Raiann]: “Excellent. So, what was the thing you wished to tell me?”
[Saithe]: “So the beholder. I don’t think that he’s the one running the show.”
[Raiann]: “Explain.”
[Saithe]: “I believe it might actually be the uh…the yuan-ti.”
[Drew]: “The sneeple.”
[Saithe]: “When I spoke to Granaphor earlier, he explained to me that he was gravely injured and the yuan-ti rescued him. And, during the conversation the yuan-ti used some sort of amulet in order to charm the beholder back into a calm state of mind.”
[Raiann]: “Hm, that is certainly interesting information and extremely concerning for multiple reasons.”
[Saithe]: “Exactly. I needed to share this but I didn’t want to do so in a public setting.”
[Raiann]: “Excellent use of discretion, that is…that was quite wise.”
[Saithe]: “I’m learning from the best ma’am.”
[Raiann]: “Brown-nosing gets you nowhere. What about the rest of you, did you manage to learn anything productive that you are now able to share?”
[Arlo]: “From our investigation we were mainly able to discern that the beholder and his yuan-ti friends have not been in town too particularly long. But there is a general unrest and unease about the town. The candidate that we spoke with also seemed particularly worried about speaking openly about anything election related out in public which is not exactly a great situation.”
[Raiann]: “Which one did you speak with?”
[Arlo]: “Yeah, we spoke with Niavara.”
[Raiann]: “Ah well, I suppose that makes sense her traditionalist views would make it such that she would be resistant to things of that nature. Plus it’s not exactly like the beholders or- I’m sorry, it just occurred to me, did you mention the presence of yuan-ti?”
[Saithe]: “Yes.”
[Arlo]: “Yeah there is a LARGE presence of sneeple here.”
[Raiann]: “That is deeply concerning. What have they been doing that you can tell?”
[Saithe]: “So far it just seems like they’re going through their daily routines. As if they’ve been living here for awhile.”
[Raiann]: “Hm.”
[Saithe]: “However, it is quite obvious that they have a…a better than thou complex.”
[Raiann]: “Well that’s not exactly uncommon amongst yuan-ti.”
[Arlo]: “I did see one and I waved at him to say hi and then they flipped me off, but I don’t think that’s really relevant.”
[Raiann]: “It’s not, and also not terribly surprising again, yuan-ti, not very sociable creatures.”
[Arlo]: “Fair.”
[Saithe]: “So far, the conversations around the town are very much the same. Everyone is very uncomfortable.”
[Winterra]: “The other candidate, Seebo, that we spoke with um, he doesn’t seem to care one way or another he likes to…tinker with a lot of um… interesting items… that admittedly are unknown to me, he is um…very…mechanically minded! And does not really seem all that interested in the people side of the politics.”
[Jordan]: “There’s a bit of a pause and Raiann speaks up.”
[Raiann]: “Arlo?”
[Arlo]: “Yes ma’am?”
[Raiann]: “Did you send the druid to speak to the scientist?”
[[Christina is heard giggling in the background]]
[Arlo]: “…not yes…”
[Raiann]: Sighs “We will discuss this when you return.”
[Arlo]: “We came, we went to see the scientist later!”
[Winterra]: “That is true!”
[Arlo]: “We, yeah we did go back, and we did speak with him.”
[Raiann]: “Fair I suppose.”
[Arlo]: “And… I will say… Winterra did excellent at her information gathering. And, y’know, even though it was a little bit out of her element, she did perform admirably and y’know I don’t think we should count her out before she even had a try.”
[Raiann]: “Fair enough.”
[Jordan]: Benevolently “Also, out of character one thing I do want to point out to you guys – the only NPCs you have, like unnamed NPCs town folk that you have heard speaking in unrest have been the people who are not like locals. It’s been travelers. Everyone else has been kind of speaking about the election as if there wasn’t like a beholder involved or something. Or as if it was normal.”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough.”
[Jordan]: “So I just wanted to point that one out there while you guys are saying ‘oh yeah no there’s so much unrest.’ Technically not.”
[Drew]: “Alright, then I guess we would relay that general thing to Raiann like-”
[Arlo]: “Well one thing that does seem additionally odd, is that even though we found small pockets of unrest or general unease, it tends to be from travelers or people passing through. The natives of this town are unusually calm about these large sweeping changes. Now, that could just be y’know a general commitment towards rolling with the punches and seeing what life throws at you but it could be something a little bit more…nefarious in nature.”
[Jordan]: “Rhelynn actually speaks up and says-”
[Rhelynn]: “Actually we noticed something similar when we were in the tavern. It seemed like none of the conversations were about how Granaphor was out of place, it seemed like he was pretty openly welcomed here but, there were some people, it seemed like travelers who were just very concerned.”
[Saithe]: Realization sets in “It’s almost as though they’re under some sort of calming charm.”
[Jordan]: “All of Second Chance just has this blank look on their face of just sudden realization of ‘Oh.’”
[Saithe]: “Yeah, I just figured that out myself.”
[Arlo]: “Well shiz-diggity that does complicate things.”
[Raiann]: “Very much so and especially since this charm seems to be the only thing leveling the beholder from destroying everything and going insane.”
[Winterra]: “Hm…”
[Raiann]: “Saithe, you said you were the one who spoke with Granaphor and saw this charm in use, correct?”
[Saithe]: “Yes.”
[Raiann]: “Do you remember who it was that used it?”
[Saithe]: “Yes I do. It was his advisor Sisava!”
[Raiann]: “Hm, it seems like this man may be the best lead that you all have managed to find so far. If possible, see if you can follow up with him – without upsetting Granaphor.”
[Saithe]: “Yes ma’am.”
[Raiann]: “Alright. Do you have anything else for me?”
[Arlo]: “Winterra did you have anything that you wanted to jump in there with?”
[Winterra]: “Mm…nothing, nothing really.”
[Christina]: “Winterra’s just sitting there thinking, she says-”
[Winterra]: “I wonder if anyone in the forest has heard anything about what’s going on in the town?”
[Raiann]: “Might be worth looking into. This is all up to both of you, so I trust both teams to manage to handle this as best as they can. Report back to me tomorrow when you have any new information. Until then, rest up agents, and best of luck.”
[Saithe]: “Thank you ma’am.”
[Arlo]: “Yes ma’am.”
[Raiann]: “Raiann out.”
[[Music switches back to the harp music]]
[Saithe]: “You’ve really gotta develop a professional conversation with that woman.”
[Arlo]: “I’m…I’m working up to it.”
[Saithe]: “I mean she’s literally about to kill you.”
[Arlo]: “I mean, I dunno I feel like I’ve got a certain charm to my…my antics.”
[Saithe]: “It comes to a point man. A time and a place.”
[Arlo]: “Ehh…”
[Jordan]: “Rhelynn kind of chimes in for a sec-”
[Rhelynn]: “Um-not that this isn’t important or entertaining uhm…but maybe we should come up with a plan for tomorrow?”
[Winterra]: “Agreed.”
[Saithe]: “Agreed.”
[Rhelynn]: “So Winterra, you said something about maybe checking in with the forest?”
[Winterra]: “Mhm. Erhm, my family lives nearby actually. So someone may have heard…rumors or anything else that may have been going on. So it may be worth looking into. My brother and my dad both often wander the forests a lot. My brother’s a ranger! So he really kind of tries to keep up with what might be going on as people come through. So it might be worth trying to find out if they’ve heard anything. And my mother often visits town, so maybe she’s heard something as well.”
[Rhelynn]: “Hm…that’s definitely a…strong possibility. So do we want to do that? And I suppose we could always split up again and have one team look after Sisava while the other one checks in with your fam- er I guess it would make more sense for you to do that part so I guess we can check in on Sisava?”
[Winterra]: “Yeah, my dad is a little uhm… Hm…mmm…hm…hm. Um-”
[Rhelynn]: “-much?”
[Winterra]: “Y’know how bears are territorial? So um-”
[Rhelynn]: “Enough said.”
[Winterra]: “Yeah, um, yeah, mhm. So yeah, no, yeah, mhm.”
[Jordan]: “Forngal kind of speaks up from the side and goes-”
[Forngal]: “Do you think he’d like a mushroom?”
[Winterra]: “Mmm… He’s a very, very, very preferred meat guy.”
[Forngal]: “Worth a shot.”
[Saithe]: “I will say that Granaphor is…a very delicate creature. When you deal with him and Sisava, as I doubt you’ll be able to find them separately, please be careful in the manner in which you speak to him.”
[Rhelynn]: “Oh don’t worry, I was raised in a fairly proper household. I’m…very well aware of how to…cross my t’s and dot my i’s so to speak.”
[Saithe]: “7?”
[7]: “Hm?”
[Saithe]: “Do not threaten to kill him.”
[7]: “I will remain silent as the night.”
[[Christina chuckles]]
[Drew]: “7 gets more concerning every time he speaks.”
[Jordan]: “That’s my goal in 90% of the characters I play in this.”
[[Caitie and Drew laugh]]
[Christina]: “Terra’s actually quiet for a second after he says that and she’s actually like-”
[Winterra]: “Well honestly the night time’s pretty loud if you think about it. You’ve got the frogs, and the bugs, and y’know the sounds of things falling in the forest, and…it can be really loud! So I don’t know how quiet that is.”
[Jordan]: “7 looks at you with a thousand yard stare as if you’ve just shattered his entire reality.”
[[Christina and Drew laugh]]
[7]: “I need to go think. Please excuse me.”
[Jordan]: “And he leaves the room.”
[Drew]: “All around me are familiar faces…”
[[Caitie laughs, followed by the other three]]
[Jordan]: “Fuck…ah…” Composing himself “So is there anything else you guys wanted to do before you called day one a day?”
[Caitie]: “Day one’s a day.”
[Drew]: “Um…”
[Christina]: “Oh, oh, oh, oh! Terra – Terra” Starts giggling “Terra has a nightly ritual that I’ve decided.”
[Jordan]: “Okay?”
[Christina]: “And um, so before bed, she plays her glockenspiel.”
[Jordan]: “Oh my fucking Christ.”
[Christina]: “So she pulls out her glockenspiel – the little tiny thing that it is – and she’s like ‘tink, tink, tink tink, tink tink… tink! Tink tink tink!’”
[Jordan]: “Roll performance.”
[Christina]: Giggles “I’m pretty sure-”
[Caitie]: “Saithe is just gonna sit there polishing her horn.”
[[Music abruptly cuts out]]
[Drew]: “That sounds like a euphemism for something even though I know it’s literal.”
[Caitie]: “It’s definitely literal!!”
[Christina]: “Um, that was…”
[Caitie]: “She’s LITERALLY polishing her horn!!!”
[Christina]: “That was an 8 for the performance.”
[Drew]: “Argh, Saithe, not while we’re still in the room!”
[[Drew and Caitie chuckle]]
[Drew]: “Saithe’s like ‘Don’t look at me!’”
[Jordan]: “I can’t help it the glockenspiel makes me- I’m not gonna say it, I just can’t.”
[[Drew, Caitie, and Christina laugh]]
[Christina]: “So yeah, that was an 8. So it was a very bad performance.”
[Jordan]: “Yeah no, it’s not. It’s not good. Not good at all.”
[Christina]: “I didn’t say she was!” Laughs
[Jordan]: “No, I know you weren’t aiming for it!”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Drew]: “Arlo leans over to Saithe and is like-”
[Arlo]: “We gotta get her, we gots to get her some lessons or sumthin’.”
[Saithe]: “It almost sounds like I’m strangling my cat!”
[Jordan]: “Is that another euphemism?”
[Caitie]: “GOD NO, STOP IT!!!”
[[Caitie, Drew, and Jordan laugh]]
[Drew]: “Polished my horn and now I’m going to strangle the ol’ cat if you catch my drift.”
[Caitie]: “Oh nooooooo.”
[[Jordan laughs harder]]
[Caitie]: “Ugh.”
[Jordan]: “Our horniest episode ever.”
[[All players laugh]]
[Drew]: “Hoooooraaaaay.”
[Jordan]: “Agents gone wild!”
[[Caitie laughs begrudgingly]]
[Christina]: “And now Terra’s ready for bed!”
[Jordan]: “Good!”
[Caitie]: “Yeah…”
[Jordan]: “Just in time!”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Jordan]: “Oh my god…okay.”
[[Music starts back up as soothing drum heavy melody]]
[Jordan]: “So the Agents settle down for bed, getting ready for the day ahead, where they go to the Midnight Woods in order to rendezvous with Winterra’s parents in hopes of getting some good information out of it. Winterra- as you lull to sleep, you find yourself being whisked away into a pleasant dream. Er, rather a far off memory. It feels pleasant but you know it’s also kind of sad ‘cause it’s… it’s something that helped define you into who you are now. But it was also a very difficult lesson for you. It was when you were a young girl, still a cub, maybe about 10 years old or so? You’re out with your father, a large beast of a man towers roughly 8 feet tall, this huge, huuuuge person. And he’s taking you out fishing, you and your brother were always very active kids, but you always were, you were always one who spent a lot of time with your father when you were cubs. Sort of a daddy’s little girl type situation. And as he brings you over to the river to catch some fish, you just find yourself staring into the stream…and you start crying. Your father looks down and notices and takes a kneel and says-”
[Winterra’s father]: “Child, what is wrong?”
[Jordan]: “And you were thinking how much it would have been nice if you could have been here with Oliver. But after what happened last year, that’s simply wishful thinking now. And the thought just consumed you and you just couldn’t contain it.”
[Winterra’s father]: “Come now child, I know it’s hard. But this is not…how we should be. Tears are for the rain. Not for people. Oliver lived a good life. And rather than mourning his loss, we should live his life for him. His return to the earth and that is something we all must do. I will do it, your mother, your brother, even you. This is not sad, this is the way nature is. Soak up now, dry your tears. Let us live, for Oliver.”
[Jordan]: “And you do your best to put on a brave face. You know what he says is true, but it doesn’t make the pain any easier. But you took those words with you, almost every day. It helped shape you into who you were. You realized you couldn’t just keep living, thinking what was and instead realized you needed to live life as best you could. Help and preserve it for others, and even going out and seeing what else the world has. That’s why you left home when you did. And, while you do still miss Oliver, in a weird way he’s sort of become your motivation to live out your life, as best as you can.”
[[Music transitions back to the harp music]]
[Jordan]: “Morning comes and all of you wake up. You decide to head downstairs – actually, how do you guys conduct your morning? Don’t let me speak for you.”
[Drew]: “Alright, well I didn’t want to interrupt anything but before morning there was something I wanted to do during the night.”
[Jordan]: “Okay fine, Arlo polishes his horn. What’s up?”
[[Players chuckle]]
[Caitie]: “My god, get fucked.”
[[Drew still laughing]]
[Jordan]: “What did you want to do?”
[Drew]: “Um, I would first like to cast silence.”
[Jordan]: “Are…are you for real?”
[Drew]: “Yeah.”
[Jordan]: “I’m scared, go on.”
[Drew]: “And I would like to grab something that I assume is within Winterra’s pack, probably like a little bit of fish, not so much to be missed or take notice but just a little bit of fish.”
[Jordan]: “Kay…”
[Drew]: “And then use it to kind of try to lure the cat over to me.”
[Jordan]: “Oh my god…” Pauses “Um…roll animal handling, with disadvantage.”
[Drew]: “Mmmm…that’s gonna be a 9.”
[Jordan]: “Ah, yeah no. It uh, it super does not go for the fish.”
[Drew]: “He tries holding his hand out for the cat to just be like-”
[Arlo]: “Come here kitty…”
[Drew]: “But the cat can’t hear anything because of the silence.”
[Jordan]: Snickers “Indeed it can’t. Is that all you wanted to do?”
[Drew]: “Ah….hah, I wanted that to work!”
[Jordan]: “Sorry!”
[Drew]: “Ah, yeah I guess, I guess that’s all I got.”
[Caitie]: “Stay away from my cat!”
[Drew]: “I’m gonna find out about that god damned cat!!”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Jordan]: “Oh god I had the worst way I could put that… So it’s morning now-”
[Drew]: “Oh my god!!”
[[Caitie sighs heavily]]
[Drew]: “No!”
[Jordan]: “What do you guys do?”
[Christina]: Chuckles “So Terra’s gonna kind of roll over and she sighs like really deeply like just trying to shake off the dream she just had, she’s like-”
[Winterra]: Sighs heavily “New day…let’s go!”
[Christina]: “So just kind of goes from sounding like really stressed and sad to alright, let’s do this. And she starts kind of getting everything ready that she’s gonna need for today.”
[Drew]: “I think Arlo’s probably up right alongside her like, ‘cause they both gotta do spell prep so they both wake up relatively early for spell prep.”
[Jordan]: “You guys just going through your spell cards next to each other.”
[[Christina laughs]]
[Caitie]: “I’m gonna put this-”
[Arlo]: “I’m gonna take healing word today I mean you guys do get into it.”
[Caitie]: “I’m gonna put this spell card face down! And sideways!”
[Drew]: “In defensive mode!”
[Caitie]: “In defensive mode!”
[Jordan]: “My god…”
[Christina]: “I summon a land…”
[[Caitie chuckles]]
[Drew]: “I floop the pig!”
[[Caitie and Christina both laugh]]
[Jordan]: “More euphemisms!”
[Caitie]: “I mean that was more of a reference.”
[Jordan]: “I didn’t get it so I’m taking it out of context.”
[Drew]: “Oh, it was ‘Adventure Time’-”
[Caitie]: Breaking into partial song “Adventure time, buh, buh buh buh buh, buh….”
[Christina]: “Hah. Alright…”
[Drew]: Also in partial song “-go to very distant lands!”
[Jordan]: “So do you guys just go to the forest or do you want to make a stop along the way?”
[Caitie]: “Eh.”
[Drew]: “We should eat breakfast!”
[Caitie]: “Fair enough.”
[Jordan]: Joking “Roll for breakfast.”
[Christina]: Not picking up on the joke “All of us or just Arlo?”
[Jordan]: “No I’m fucking with you guys!”
[Christina]: Laughs “I mean I don’t know…”
[Drew]: “Well good because I got a 13.”
[Caitie]: “Oh well I got a nat20 so breakfast is happening.”
[Jordan]: “Breakfast was fucking baller!”
[[All chuckle]]
[Drew]: “We go downstairs and there’s like the medieval equivalent of Gordon Ramsay.”
[Caitie]: “He’s putting peoples-”
[Jordan]: “You see a large beefy tiefling who’s like-”
[Beefy Tiefling]: “Hello there my name is Mordon Ramses.”
[[Drew laughs]]
[Caitie]: “Mordon Ramses… he’s putting like bread between-”
[Christina]: Excitedly “I was just thinking that!!”
[Caitie]: “-either side of his waitress’ head like-”
[Beefy Tiefling]: “What are you!??”
[Waitress]: “An idiot sandwich…”
[Beefy Tiefling]: “WHAT ARE YOU?!”
[Waitress]: “And idiot sandwich chef!!”
[[Drew and Christina chuckle]]
[Christina]: “Oh god…”
[Saithe]: “Wow! This is great theatrics!”
[Drew]: “And Mordon is just yelling and carrying on but the eggs are fucking fantastic!”
[Jordan]: Amused “Oh yeah no, food’s great because y’know, they were prepared by the one and only Mordon Ramses. How could they not be?”
[Drew]: “Arlo’s just chewing on his food he’s like-”
[Arlo]: “I mean like y’know he’s thrown at least seven pans so far, but gotdamn this bacon is so crispy!”
[Saithe]: “It’s as though his rage makes the food that much better!”
[Jordan]: Amused “He’s a cook barbarian.”
[[Caitie and Drew laugh]]
[Caitie]: “Gordon Ramsay we say it out of love.”
[Jordan]: “Gordon Ramsay’s fucking great.”
[Drew]: “My god if Gordon Ramsay listened to our god damned podcast I don’t know what I would do with myself.”
[Jordan]: “I would die!”
[Caitie]: “Right?”
[Drew]: “I would die and then come back a happy man.”
[Caitie]: “Happiness…sir I will gladly eat your beef wellington and that is…”
[Drew]: “That really, really sounds like a euphemism.”
[Caitie]: Laughs “You beat me to it!”
[Drew]: “Saithe you are just…”
[Jordan]: “I was about to let it go this time, but alright!”
[Christina]: “Hah!”
[Jordan]: “Alright, so you guys just head on straight over to the forest?”
[Caitie]: “Yeah!”
[[Music changes to melodic piano music]]
[Jordan]: “So you guys make your way down to the forest, erhm it’s a bit of a trek down there, about I’d say an hour out of town, as you’re heading through there, I need you guys to roll me a perception check.”
[Caitie]: “Mmm, perception…what’s my…”
[Jordan]: “Winterra since you are in your home forest you get advantage.”
[Christina]: “Okie dokie!”
[Caitie]: “26!”
[Drew]: “I rolled…a 1”
[Christina]: “Oh no! Why would you roll a 1? Why would you do that? Uhm, that was a 19 on the die so it’s a 24.”
[Jordan]: “Alright cool! So as you guys are making your way through the forest, it’s relatively quiet like there’s not too too much going on right now. You know, you hear like birds chirping, some forest wildlife just out and about, just y’know any other day in a forest. Arlo, you are none the wiser to this part.”
[Arlo]: “Doop dee doo, doop dee doop dee doo doo…”
[[A faster drum beat switches into the music]]
[Jordan]: “But Saithe and Winterra, you both notice a large looming figure hidden within the brush. You can’t quite make it out clearly but it seems to be massive whatever it is. It’s keeping its eyes on you like a relentless hunter.”
[Christina]: “Hm…”
[Jordan]: “And Winterra- it has an oddly…familiar smell.”
[Winterra]: “Hm…”
[Jordan]: “Roll me a dexterity saving throw.”
[Christina]: “Oh great-” Giggles “Erhm…19!”
[Jordan]: “Alright!”
[Christina]: “It was between a 3 and a 19 I was like -please[let the second advantage roll be better]!!”
[Jordan]: “So- you notice this creature following you but then for a brief instance as you pass by a tree it vanishes from sight. And then from above you hear the trees rustling and the creature jumps down behind you- Arlo this is the first notice you get of this creature, you just see this giant massive figure jump down in front of you behind Winterra. And it grabs Winterra from behind lifting her high into the air-”
[Looming figure]: “MY DAUGHTER!!”
[Winterra]: “Daddy!!”
[Jordan]: “And that is where we shall pause our tale for now!”
[Caitie]: “Aww, cute!”
[Drew]: “That was fucking adorable.”
[Jordan]: “Thank you all so much for listening,if you like what you heard then please head on over to our patreon at patreon.com/agentsofdamned so you can hear our special after show ‘Peek Behind the Screen!’ We’ll talk about all this fun stuff including just how fucking adorable Winterra and her dad are, as well as y’know analyze the dream part 2, electric boogaloo. Of course you can also catch the next episode a whole week before everyone else so go ahead and hop on over to that. We’ve also got our other social medias: Facebook, at Agents of DAMNED, Twitter at AgentsofD and-”
[[Christina, Drew, and Caitie giggle]]
[Drew]: “Nice.”
[Jordan]: “-and Instagram also at agents_of_damned. We’ve got some plugs real quick!
If you are in need of some graphic design assistance, then you need to head on over to ‘black feather graphics’ they are a freelance graphic artist and they have helped us out with the show, I know several other people they have helped out, just all around amazing work – you can check out their portfolio at blackfeathergraphics.com.
Also you can head on over to facebook and check out ‘Just Cheesecakes by Tina Rose!’ It’s a local Charlotte Cheesecake bakery that makes all sorts of great things, they’ve got a bunch of pictures up on the facebook of things so delicious and tantalizing I can’t even pretend to begin to describe them because words just can’t do them justice. Take what you think Cheesecake is and now accept that you’re wrong, and head over to ‘Just Cheesecakes’ and look at what a real cheesecake really is. Sorry everyone not in South Charlotte, you’re just gonna have to accept that this is gonna, this is just you’re reason to come over here! So once again that is ‘Just Cheesecakes by Tina Rose!’ on Facebook.
And I believe that’s all our plugs right, we don’t have anything else to talk about, nothing important, right?”
[Drew]: “Fuck yourself.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, go ahead.”
[Drew]: “Last plug for the night ladies and gentleman – Kinetic Concepts Personal Training. Based out of Charlotte, North Carolina, scientifically tried and true personal training that is specifically catered towards you. In these times where we are still trying to keep up with social distancing this is a wonderful time to use a lot of spare time to work towards some health and fitness goals you might have had. We can go with virtual sessions that are still tailored towards your particular needs or we can even do [virtual] group session but it’d be at a reduced rate and are a little bit less honed in on your individual stuff, but still gives you a wonderful workout. Remember, take this negative and turn it into a positive! Really start working towards those goals that you have on held and making your life a little bit better once things are solid. A lot of people are going to come out of their house and they’re going to be full on potato mode, you’re going to come out of there just absolutely shredded. You want the most viscous ‘V,’ you want sick ass lats? You’re gonna just come through and blow away the competition that is everyone you’ve ever met. And it’s satisfying, it’s a great feeling! Just roll in, looking great!”
[Jordan]: “Being the kind of person that other people will polish their horns to.”
[Caitie]: “Oh my…”
[Drew]: Chuckles “Yes.”
[Jordan]: “Alright, so that’s gonna do it for us this week, again just- patreon, all of the social medias – facebook, twitter, and instagram – until next time, bye!”
[Christina]: “Byyyye guys!!”
[Caitie]: “Bye everybody!!”
[Drew]: “Ah, I really shouldn’t have hit my head on that table- I’m still feeling it.”
[[Jordan laughs]]
[Drew]: Chuckles “Bye!”
Agents of DAMNED 